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I was adopted by the man who otherwise would have been (legally) my stepfather - but since the day I was born, he was my father...he was the one helping my mother keep the house together and took over the role my missing parent abandoned. No step nothin' about it...
My biological father left my mother when she was just a few months along with me, never returning. He never attempted to visit me, never offered support...nothing. So after she married 'Dad' (formerly a family friend) he wanted to adopt me, which to all of us made perfect sense. My birth father did not want me...Dad did. Also, by this act I would be covered under his insurance, have his name, legally be HIS daughter...pretty much all bonuses.
So they went through the requirements (this was 1972? Gotta check second BC, have record) and on that day I saw my, uhm...the man who sired me, for the first and last time. I was quite young but knew the deal...and it was clear he was glad to be done with it.
Location: Jonquil City (aka Smyrna) Georgia- by Atlanta
16,259 posts, read 24,779,480 times
Reputation: 3587
Quote:
Originally Posted by denise28
Hey Nic529,
I would really like the name of the attorney. We went to Court and my exboyfriend (bio father of child showed up), he objected to the adoption and then the judge ordered a social investigation on me as well as my husband. I thought the biological parent was not suppose to have an investigation, just the stepparent.
I am not sure that I also have the best attorney for this as well.
Does that mean that we lost because he ordered this investigation? What exactly is a social investigation anyway? Does anyone know the definition of these statutes: N.J.S.A. 9:3-48(a)4 and N.J.S.A. 9:3-48(a)7.
Does this or will this adoption have any bearing on the children that we have together? Will they be affected by it in any way even though they are indirectly involved?
The father also owed $3000 in child support and now has started paying a little so he can be caught up for the final hearing I am sure.
Thanks for any help, I appreciate it!
Denise
The biological father has every right to object to his children being removed from him and, unless a good reason can be found, most courts would agree. A good reason would be that he is not involved with his children or a habitual drunk, drug user or sex offender. Being $3000 behind in child support is not a reason to terminate the father's parental rights (although he should pay up).
Location: Jonquil City (aka Smyrna) Georgia- by Atlanta
16,259 posts, read 24,779,480 times
Reputation: 3587
Quote:
Originally Posted by VBmom
Let me play devil's advocate here...Is this something the child wants? Is he old enough to make this decision?
My daughter has expressed interest in her step dad adopting her several times over the years. We thought about it a lot when she was younger. I was afraid that if I died she would go to her father who has a drug problem and has a hard time taking care of himself much less a child.
Time passed and my daughter wanted a relationship with her father. She reconnected with him and for a while they got a long well. Now that she is 16 they are on the outs again. She has again brought up wanting to be adopted by her step dad. I question her motives. I think she wants it out of spite. Not a good reason in my book.
It's a touchy thing, A father is a father regardless of how crappy they are. Sometimes you don't think you want anything to do with them and then you change your mind. Even if he doesn't have a relationship now, it may be something he wants in the future. If he is legally adopted I can only imagine that it might make it more of a gap in the future. Do you know what I mean?
I am not trying to judge you or anyone else. It is just something I have had to think about because of my own situation. My kids are older and I am starting to see how deeply they were effected by my divorce. They have a bad relationship with their father and we are all trying to work on that.
At the age of 16 in most places, alot of weight would be given to the wishes of the daughter herself in a court regarding matters of custody and/or adoption.
Location: Jonquil City (aka Smyrna) Georgia- by Atlanta
16,259 posts, read 24,779,480 times
Reputation: 3587
Quote:
Originally Posted by 33458
I was adopted by the man who otherwise would have been (legally) my stepfather - but since the day I was born, he was my father...he was the one helping my mother keep the house together and took over the role my missing parent abandoned. No step nothin' about it...
My biological father left my mother when she was just a few months along with me, never returning. He never attempted to visit me, never offered support...nothing. So after she married 'Dad' (formerly a family friend) he wanted to adopt me, which to all of us made perfect sense. My birth father did not want me...Dad did. Also, by this act I would be covered under his insurance, have his name, legally be HIS daughter...pretty much all bonuses.
So they went through the requirements (this was 1972? Gotta check second BC, have record) and on that day I saw my, uhm...the man who sired me, for the first and last time. I was quite young but knew the deal...and it was clear he was glad to be done with it.
So for some it can be pretty cut and dry.
In lots of cases it is cut and dry. Men are basically low lifes- well alot of us are anyway- and they will sign the papers just to get out paying support. I suspect this is the case most of the time. The ironic thing is that the new father will end up having to pay support in the event of a divorce.
Also most companies insure "dependents" on the company insurance. I had a nephew on mine. As long as they live in your house and you have physical primary custody of them, it should be no problem.
TO RMD3819: It was a contested adoption so the total cost between terminating his parental rights and the adoption costed approx. $5000.00.
TO KEVK: It wasn't just about child support arrears, go back and read my posts. It hasn't seen my son in nearly 3 1/2 years. The Judge interviewed my son, a psychologist testified on my son's behalf and the bio. father made a statement consistent with everything we said about the bio. dad right before he asked to be relieved of counsel. The bio. father did not even show up once out of the 3 day trial.
I'm in England , UK and for seven years I was in court with my ex fighting over my home ( which I paid for). He was only interested in the money ,not the baby. After all those years , i ran low on money and paid him £30,000 settlement. Legal costs totalled £48,000 approximately.He hasn't seen my daughter since 2002 and has never asked to either. I recently was told he was planning to kidnap my daughter so I sought advice from a solicitor who wrote a letter to his last known address.
The reply came back stating that he wants no contact with me or my daughter directly or indirectly and he believes the child is not hisin any case? I was glad with that response but believe it was written and signed by his elderly partner as she has intercepted his mail and replied on his behalf before.She has caused me a great deal of trouble and I Just don't feel easy about whats going to happen in the future.I need absolution - any thoughts? ( p.s I was never married to my childs bio father & have recenty married. My husband would like to adopt my daughter but we don't want another 7 years of court ).
Last edited by biggyshawty; 04-15-2009 at 07:32 AM..
Reason: spelling errors
When my husband and I got married he had custody of his 5 year old son. I adopted him when he was either 6 or 7. We talked to him about it and he was excited to have a mother in the picture. Our advantage was that she had not contacted him for over a year and we were able to file on abandoment (sp). Do not have a clue what it cost. That was back in 73 or so. Never regretted it. He is an accomplished musican, with a PhD from Julliard. He would have never had that advantage it he had lived with his birth mother. But, he has had contact with her and still does, but it's not a typical mother/son relationship.
I used to tell people I had forgotten which one of the three I had adopted or who I had given birth to.
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