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So true. In Colorado at least, the bio parents must be absolutely horrible to not get their kids returned to them, and there is also a lengthy appeal process.
Yes, mistakes DO happen -- and in Colorado there have been some WHOPPERS -- but it was made absolutely clear to us as prospective adoptive parents that every attempt would be made to have the bio parents keep their kids before their rights were terminated.
(In our case, the bio mom tested positive for cocaine the day before the final hearing to have her parental rights terminated; and she refused to participate in the free parenting classes and personal therapy and counseling offered to her, even though she was even offered free transportation and had had frequent reminder calls to get there. Even so, she had the nerve to appeal the final termination of her rights, which delayed the adoption for a year; and to this day always claimed that the system was against her and that she was greatly wronged. She had also accumulated fifteen arrests in a period of about six years, including a few felonies; to this day, she has never been off welfare, and she went on to have four more children as a single mother.)
I am sickened and amazed by the hoops that states (and not just Colorado) jump through in effort to appease biological parents who are clearly unfit.
I am sickened and amazed by the hoops that states (and not just Colorado) jump through in effort to appease biological parents who are clearly unfit.
Sometimes it's really hard not to be judgmental.
I feel the exact same way. There are some "parents" (and I use that term very loosely) who aren't fit to raise a houseplant, much less a human being. It's disgusting to me, how many chances they're given to "turn their life around," when in all too many cases, they're not even making a pretense of trying to. And all the while, the kids suffer, and become more and more damaged.
I would like to suggest that everyone take a moment and consider the fact that many of these people that are being harshly criticized have underlying problems. Most of the children (a huge majority) are not terribly abused but simply need a safe place where they will be loved while the family overcomes problems or issues with dependency, mental health, or circumstances beyond their control. There are some that are horrible, but I can tell you from personal experience as well as many statistical studies, that number is very small.
Th don't hate them. However, I don't choose to call them "parents". They are individuals who had sex and had children that they could not take care of.
Generally, they didn't do it just once. They did it more times than intact families have children. Then they go on to live their lives in selfish ways - and to abuse, or allow their boyfriends to abuse their children and consistently put them in arms way.
These are not "parents" nor are they "families" worth preserving.
We have to remove these children before they become so disturbed and damaged that they are almost impossible to place. And stop trying to reunite children with biologically related people who are clearly not "parent" material.
Th don't hate them. However, I don't choose to call them "parents". They are individuals who had sex and had children that they could not take care of.
Generally, they didn't do it just once. They did it more times than intact families have children. Then they go on to live their lives in selfish ways - and to abuse, or allow their boyfriends to abuse their children and consistently put them in arms way.
These are not "parents" nor are they "families" worth preserving.
We have to remove these children before they become so disturbed and damaged that they are almost impossible to place. And stop trying to reunite children with biologically related people who are clearly not "parent" material.
Early intervention is key.
You are generalizing and painting with a very broad brush with these statements. My DW and I have fostered dozens of children and have helped reunite most of them with their families. These families had to jump through a lot of hoops in most cases as well, and were very focused on doing what was necessary to have their children returned home.
Your narrow minded and judgmental stereotyping of others situations shows little compassion for people who simply need help to overcome a problem or an obstacle in their life. Sometimes - most times, actually - the family needs a helping hand rather than a condemnation.
I do grant that there are times when unqualified or incapable human beings reproduce. It is unfortunate, but it is not the most common cases in the foster care system. The majority of the cases we have seen and that are seen nationwide within the foster/judicial system involve situations where reunification of the family is in the best interest of the family and the child.
It is incredibly frustrating to hear such negativity from someone who obviously has not lived it, has not cared for the confused children brought to your home late at night or coached the confused young mother who lost her kids because they didn't have money for food or diapers due to a situation out of their control. It is hard to explain how traumatic it is for children to see parents with mental health issues falling apart because they can no longer afford food and their medicine because the prescription plan became too expensive where they work. The parents chose to buy food and their mental health issues became too great for them to care for their kids.
Perhaps you would have permanently taken away the child whose young mother developed a drug problem and when arrested, had her daughter put in protective foster care. That same young mother who stood in front of a judge and said "I will do anything to get her back" and proceeded to enroll in inpatient rehab, finish a GED, and obtain a CNA license within six months. That young mother now lives with and supports her daughter full time and is a success story of the foster care system that I witnessed. That little strawberry blonde toddler will grow up with a loving mother who knows the risks of drugs better than most and will teach her how to avoid that pitfall in life. A little girl will not have to wonder why she had to find a "new" family.
The only thing in your statement I agree with is early intervention, but it needs to be intervention with the goal of helping people succeed rather than ripping families apart. Love doesn't come in the form of an iron fist.
You are generalizing and painting with a very broad brush with these statements. My DW and I have fostered dozens of children and have helped reunite most of them with their families. These families had to jump through a lot of hoops in most cases as well, and were very focused on doing what was necessary to have their children returned home.
Your narrow minded and judgmental stereotyping of others situations shows little compassion for people who simply need help to overcome a problem or an obstacle in their life. Sometimes - most times, actually - the family needs a helping hand rather than a condemnation.
I do grant that there are times when unqualified or incapable human beings reproduce. It is unfortunate, but it is not the most common cases in the foster care system. The majority of the cases we have seen and that are seen nationwide within the foster/judicial system involve situations where reunification of the family is in the best interest of the family and the child.
It is incredibly frustrating to hear such negativity from someone who obviously has not lived it, has not cared for the confused children brought to your home late at night or coached the confused young mother who lost her kids because they didn't have money for food or diapers due to a situation out of their control. It is hard to explain how traumatic it is for children to see parents with mental health issues falling apart because they can no longer afford food and their medicine because the prescription plan became too expensive where they work. The parents chose to buy food and their mental health issues became too great for them to care for their kids.
Perhaps you would have permanently taken away the child whose young mother developed a drug problem and when arrested, had her daughter put in protective foster care. That same young mother who stood in front of a judge and said "I will do anything to get her back" and proceeded to enroll in inpatient rehab, finish a GED, and obtain a CNA license within six months. That young mother now lives with and supports her daughter full time and is a success story of the foster care system that I witnessed. That little strawberry blonde toddler will grow up with a loving mother who knows the risks of drugs better than most and will teach her how to avoid that pitfall in life. A little girl will not have to wonder why she had to find a "new" family.
The only thing in your statement I agree with is early intervention, but it needs to be intervention with the goal of helping people succeed rather than ripping families apart. Love doesn't come in the form of an iron fist.
It is difficult for me to understand the logic of the foster care system given the effort that my friends have put into their effort to bring children into their family. I'm also confused as to how it's in the "best interest of these children" to allow them to sit in foster care for years just to allow their biological parents to gain the ability to parent them. Especially, when their are so many childless couples doing everything in their power to try to adopt them. Is there an answer to this perplexing problem?
It is difficult for me to understand the logic of the foster care system given the effort that my friends have put into their effort to bring children into their family. I'm also confused as to how it's in the "best interest of these children" to allow them to sit in foster care for years just to allow their biological parents to gain the ability to parent them. Especially, when their are so many childless couples doing everything in their power to try to adopt them. Is there an answer to this perplexing problem?
Many of us struggle with it as well.
However, the reason for the difficulty adopting from the foster care system are the importance that our system places on parental rights. The Supreme Court has held that parents have a right to be parents and raise their biological children as a constitutional protected liberty under the Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution.
Parents can lose parental rights, but before this happens the state must jump through a series of hoops.
First, the state must provide free legal counsel to any parent they are attempting to deprive of parental rights. Second, the parents have to be given the right to a trial or a hearing to contest the loss of these rights Third, termination ordinarily cannot take place unless it can be shown that attempts were made to reunify the children with the biological family and those attempts failed. (the exception would be if children were removed from a home because of sexual abuse or something quite profound). Fourth, appeal rights exist if the decision goes against biological parents.
It should be clear that the process I have described above takes time. Some states don't want to pay for legal counsel for these parents and so, they only very reluctantly undertake terminations of parental rights. Therefore, kids stay in foster homes for long periods of times. It would be nice to change it, but I don't see it happening.
It is difficult for me to understand the logic of the foster care system given the effort that my friends have put into their effort to bring children into their family. I'm also confused as to how it's in the "best interest of these children" to allow them to sit in foster care for years just to allow their biological parents to gain the ability to parent them. Especially, when their are so many childless couples doing everything in their power to try to adopt them. Is there an answer to this perplexing problem?
Mark's response above is very accurate and pretty thoroughly describes the process. One of the false impressions in the foster care system is the phrase "best interest of the children". Many of the things that happen in the system are not the best option for the kids, but are a compromise required by the laws in place and the requirements that drive the social services process.
We lost kids that were with us for long periods of time because an "able and willing" relative stepped up after a couple years. We didn't like it. We knew we had a better home and were much more qualified and prepared to care for this child. We knew we were a placement that would be the best interest of the child. Unfortunately the law says an "able and willing" relative takes precedence in the placement process. It is a flaw in the system that protects the families rights.
You are generalizing and painting with a very broad brush with these statements. My DW and I have fostered dozens of children and have helped reunite most of them with their families. These families had to jump through a lot of hoops in most cases as well, and were very focused on doing what was necessary to have their children returned home.
Your narrow minded and judgmental stereotyping of others situations shows little compassion for people who simply need help to overcome a problem or an obstacle in their life. Sometimes - most times, actually - the family needs a helping hand rather than a condemnation.
I do grant that there are times when unqualified or incapable human beings reproduce. It is unfortunate, but it is not the most common cases in the foster care system. The majority of the cases we have seen and that are seen nationwide within the foster/judicial system involve situations where reunification of the family is in the best interest of the family and the child.
It is incredibly frustrating to hear such negativity from someone who obviously has not lived it, has not cared for the confused children brought to your home late at night or coached the confused young mother who lost her kids because they didn't have money for food or diapers due to a situation out of their control. It is hard to explain how traumatic it is for children to see parents with mental health issues falling apart because they can no longer afford food and their medicine because the prescription plan became too expensive where they work. The parents chose to buy food and their mental health issues became too great for them to care for their kids.
Perhaps you would have permanently taken away the child whose young mother developed a drug problem and when arrested, had her daughter put in protective foster care. That same young mother who stood in front of a judge and said "I will do anything to get her back" and proceeded to enroll in inpatient rehab, finish a GED, and obtain a CNA license within six months. That young mother now lives with and supports her daughter full time and is a success story of the foster care system that I witnessed. That little strawberry blonde toddler will grow up with a loving mother who knows the risks of drugs better than most and will teach her how to avoid that pitfall in life. A little girl will not have to wonder why she had to find a "new" family.
The only thing in your statement I agree with is early intervention, but it needs to be intervention with the goal of helping people succeed rather than ripping families apart. Love doesn't come in the form of an iron fist.
Wish I could rep this again and again!
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