Adoption Advice..... (birth, parents, foster care, stories)
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I have always wanted to adopt a child. I have truely been blessed with 4 wonderful, healthy and happy children. I have a 5 yr old son , 3 1/2 yr old daughter, 2 yr. old son, and a 8 month old daughter. I always want my oldest son to remain the oldest, I just think it would be important to him. After that I would be open to how old my adoptive child would be. I do not want to adopt a baby as their are plenty of parents who are not fortunante enough to have their own children , who will adopt these kids hopefully . I want to adoptan an older child who "nobody cares to adopt" . It just seems that once a child in foster care gets to a certain age it becomes nearly impossible to find a family for them.....So I guess my ? is how old should I wait till my children are before i think of adopting......As I have already said my kids are still very young and i feel the first couple of years are very important, as you are molding your children to being good kids and hopefully good people......But I always struggle with the fact that the longer i wait to adopt the longer they have to stay in foster care............so what do think......also do you think it matters if it is girl or boy......It is very important that the structure me and my wife have started with are kids stays as normal as possible......
This is just my opinion. The longer a child stays in foster care the more foster homes that child has been in generally, which can really affect the child. But on the other hand it is the older children that need the homes the most. Generally most Health and Welfare workers suggest the adopted child be the youngest if you have biological children at home to not affected the "birth order". I believe what is more importanat than anything is finding out a detailed history of the foster child. Has the child been sexually abused by parent/parents and/or in any foster homes? Those children are the ones that can be the most difficult to blend into your family. They often act out in some way because of that abuse and at times it is acting out with your bio children. Has the child acted out in any physically agressive way in any foster homes, any sexual way, lit fires etc.? Also have that child in your home for awhile, likely as a foster child before you make the decision to adopt. That way you will know if he/she fits in and how all the children get along. There are so many children in the fostercare system that need homes. I think it is wonderful you are considering this. You might want your youngest to be closer to school age to do this maybe.
I also think it's wonderful. I work with children in foster care and there are so many who need homes. It's such a shame that these children did nothing but be born to crappy parents, but they get stigmatized, people don't want to adopt them, etc.
I would say that you have decide what is right for your family. When you feel that your family is ready for another child, then go for it. I don't think there's a set age. I can say that it will be a lot of work, so you might want to wait for your children to get a bit older. On the other hand, one of the best adoptive parents I know had a 6 week old and 8 year old when she took in twin 4 years olds, a 2 year old, and a 7 year old. She ended up adopting all of the children and they view themselves as siblings.
Foster children are simply kids needing homes. If you feel ready to parent another child WONDERFUL..however, make sure your kids are ready for a sibling. I have a 5 year older who was designed to be a big sister. It's been a blessing having her help me with our three foster daughter - instead of competing for my undivided attention. When she has an off day - which is rarely- it affects all the "new kids" and we go spinning to a household melt down. View my stories at [url=http://www.adoptive-parenting.com]Adoptive Parenting the Joy of being a Family with your Adopted Infant or Child[/url].
Be inspired. Take the leap and love another child!
Julie
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