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It's laughable to hear "they adopted from overseas cause it's so much quicker and less expensive than adopting from here." While this article is 3 years old, I'm sure the situation is not any better and probably worse.
It's laughable to hear "they adopted from overseas cause it's so much quicker and less expensive than adopting from here." While this article is 3 years old, I'm sure the situation is not any better and probably worse.
We were heavily involved in Russian adoptions from 1999-2010 or so, and I did not see any major misrepresentations. As they stated, adoption from Russia and China were very quick in the 90s. And the money was reasonable (our first adoption cost less than $20,000 including travel in 2001).
By the end of the decade, it had gotten rediculous because of government involvement on both sides. And I'm sure it IS worse today with so many programs closing down.
iN 1983 IT WAS ONLY $5K and 6 weeks from homestudy approval till 3 month old baby girl from Korea was in our arms escorted to the states by Eastern Airlines employees.
In 2002 it was 9 months from the day I mailed the dossier to the state department and adoption agency till I had 4 month old baby girl from Vietnam in my arms. Then 7 months later I went to Vietnam for second baby girl who was 7 months old. In all I made 4 trips to VN in 11 months and it was close to $50k. And on the last trip to pick up second baby my facilitator was kicked out of the country for all sorts of crimes and I was left to finish it all by myself. What a nightmare!
It also makes me ill when people talk about their adoptions (especially from countries with long histories of unethical practices) as though they were merely transactions. People like you are why people think it's ok for them to ask me in front of my son how much I paid for him.
It also makes me ill when people talk about their adoptions (especially from countries with long histories of unethical practices) as though they were merely transactions. People like you are why people think it's ok for them to ask me in front of my son how much I paid for him.
How, then, would you suggest talking about adoption? The fact is, it IS a transaction, and not a particularly enjoyable one at that.
The RESULT of the adoption "transaction," however, is something entirely different.
Honestly, and I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but I can't imagine why you wouldn't make a mental distinction between the difficult, odious, expensive, sometimes heart-wrenching adoption process, versus the post-adoption fact of being a parent, with all the ups and downs that go along with it.
As for how much you paid for your son, my answer to that question is "why do you ask?" If the person doing the asking is considering adopting a child of their own and is trying to learn what is entailed, we can talk. Otherwise, the answer is "I prefer not to discuss that." (Oh, and even if I choose to discuss the financial side of things, I'll make sure they understand that I didn't "buy" a child, but rather paid for services rendered, just like you do for any other transaction.)
How, then, would you suggest talking about adoption? The fact is, it IS a transaction, and not a particularly enjoyable one at that.
The RESULT of the adoption "transaction," however, is something entirely different.
Honestly, and I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but I can't imagine why you wouldn't make a mental distinction between the difficult, odious, expensive, sometimes heart-wrenching adoption process, versus the post-adoption fact of being a parent, with all the ups and downs that go along with it.
As for how much you paid for your son, my answer to that question is "why do you ask?" If the person doing the asking is considering adopting a child of their own and is trying to learn what is entailed, we can talk. Otherwise, the answer is "I prefer not to discuss that." (Oh, and even if I choose to discuss the financial side of things, I'll make sure they understand that I didn't "buy" a child, but rather paid for services rendered, just like you do for any other transaction.)
I don't know why it's so difficult for people to talk about adoption in terms of the children and families involved rather than treated the topic as though one party is buying human chattel. It's disgusting.
There's a difference between discussing the fees and expenses associated with adoption and saying outright that you paid X amount and got X baby. "I paid X and got Y baby" is the same as saying that you bought a person.
I'll give you an example. I had a conversation recently with someone who came to me because they were interested in foster care adoption. She asked about the system, how it works, about the children available and what she should expect. She moved on to ask about finances, trying to understand the cost of raising a child and if there were specific expenses she wasn't accounting for when it comes to children from foster care. Finally, we moved on to expenses associated with the actual adoption where discussion revolved around court fees and possibly lawyer costs. Not at any moment did she ask how much the kids cost or how much I paid for the kids. She not frame her interest in a way that suggested she thought she was buying a child. She was interested in building a family and was simply aware that, like with any kind of family, there are always expenses involved from food, medical care, document filings, etc.
Compare this with the OP or parts of that article where they treat it as though they are buying something.
And thanks for the tips, but I don't have any problems shutting down rude people who treat my child like he's chattel that was purchased.
I don't know why it's so difficult for people to talk about adoption in terms of the children and families involved rather than treated the topic as though one party is buying human chattel. It's disgusting.
There's a difference between discussing the fees and expenses associated with adoption and saying outright that you paid X amount and got X baby. "I paid X and got Y baby" is the same as saying that you bought a person.
I agree. I have yet to meet an adoptive parent who said "I paid X and got Y baby" or anything like that. If you have, I can understand why you would find it disgusting.
To me, that's completely different from discussing the cost of an adoption. Yes, adoption costs money. There's no shame in admitting that, and even discussing it in appropriate situations (such as the one where you were discussing costs with a prospective foster parent).
Quote:
Originally Posted by SkyeBright
Compare this with the OP or parts of that article where they treat it as though they are buying something.
I did not see anything in the original post, or any comments by the OP, that would imply that she regards adoption as "baby buying." I would caution you to be more temperate in your words, as your comment could be regarded as a personal attack against the OP.
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