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The first time our younger son got his haircut, the stylist said, "Well, it has the double swirl just like his dad, but where he does he get the reddish colored hair?" Without really thinking, I answered "My Grandma had reddish colored hair." I wasn't being dishonest, I just looked at my son and thought about who else had reddish hair in my extended family.
Truth be told, some people really are all that keen on their biological children other than producing a micro edition of themselves and when micro edition is what they expected......
I still think it may well be more about coming to maybe accept not having children and that being an attractive idea to the husband. Parenthood, if you do it right, is a BIG commitment, even more so than marriage these days, changing your mind about a child after you have them.........
I am not here to make him change his mind. I just needed to talk it out and its become such a touchy topic at home.
So my husband and I were very young when we started dating. After about a year I did mention adoption as a possibility and he was in support of it. Side note: I have thought about adoption as an option since I was 15.
Fast forward to present day we are in a mid/late 20s and have been ttc without interventions for a few years come to find out I have PCOS. Since I have been interested in adoption before fertility issues, it didn't seem to be a big issue. But my husband over the years has become less open to the idea to the point of saying he is worried about the level of attachment. I have seen him with kids, he loves kids and gets attached easily. I know that is different from being a parent, but I just wanted to illustrate that he is not stand offish or cold.
While it is not fair to him, or to the child, to pressure him into a parenting situation he is uncomfortable with, it is also frustrating as I explicitly had this discussion even at our young ages.
I have always wanted to be a parent. I am uncomfortable with many of the fertility assistance methods.
[quote=laurabf;45454662]I understand him not wanting to adopt. But, it surprises me how someone can want to and then not. We have already discussed what extent I would be comfortable in fertility assistance. I am willing to make some exceptions because I want to be a parent regardless of how the child is brought into this world. However, there are still somethings I really would be hesitant to do.
OP In a previous post you asked me why someone might change their mind....And my rational, is based on your quotes and the info underlined above.
OP....You point out that your discussion was when you were very young....You have not said how young....But people do change their minds.
You also point out that you had been thinking about adoption since very young. You obviously were more than interested, and he was like many young males...going along to get along.
I am a parent through both adoption and childbirth. For many people, PCOS can be overcome without invasive procedures. Give it a good try before assuming that you will need to change your husband's mind at this point. His reluctance isn't at all unusual, as you have seen here. Adoption can be a difficult concept to be comfortable with, for many people, when the child is still an abstract being.
I can feel your pain. Adopting was always in my plans before I married my husband. When I met my husband he was all in too. 3 bio kids later, he changed his mind. He was just tired and content with 3. It took about a year for me to realize that he wouldn't change his mind and for me to come to terms with it. It still makes me sad.
I can feel your pain. Adopting was always in my plans before I married my husband. When I met my husband he was all in too. 3 bio kids later, he changed his mind. He was just tired and content with 3. It took about a year for me to realize that he wouldn't change his mind and for me to come to terms with it. It still makes me sad.
I'm sorry for your sadness. I don't know, of course, but one thought I had was that maybe your husband was "all in" simply for having kids, regardless of how you acquired them. Maybe he figured, hey, bio kids or adopted kids, they're all kids, so what's the difference?
Just a thought.
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