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I have a work colleague of 37 years that has an adopted son. I went to sleepaway camp with an adoptee. I know other adoptees through work or social connections.
Do people just look for areas "needing" reform so they can stir the pot and disorganize society?
This is incredibly insensitive. And I generally think of you as a reasonably intelligent person, but this can be dismissed as stupid.
I have a work colleague of 37 years that has an adopted son. I went to sleepaway camp with an adoptee. I know other adoptees through work or social connections.
Do people just look for areas "needing" reform so they can stir the pot and disorganize society?
This is incredibly insensitive. And I generally think of you as a reasonably intelligent person, but this can be dismissed as stupid.
I don't see what's the least bit insensitive about it. When families invest monumental amounts of time, money and love raising an adopted child, there's nothing insensitive about treating someone who, for probably very good reasons did not raise the child, as an interloper at best. I sympathize and empathize with the problems in your path through life that led you to the decision to surrender your child. Sorry, that is a one-way decision.
This is incredibly insensitive. And I generally think of you as a reasonably intelligent person, but this can be dismissed as stupid.
I'm not seeing anything insensitive in the post you quoted. It is an undeniable fact that, if a birth parent should seek out and find a minor child being raised by adoptive parents, there is going to be some level of impact on that child and his parents. This impact might be positive, but it could also be detrimental. I, personally, do not think that allowing birth parents to have unrestricted access to the children they placed for adoption necessarily serves the best interests of that child.
I have a work colleague of 37 years that has an adopted son. I went to sleepaway camp with an adoptee. I know other adoptees through work or social connections.
Do people just look for areas "needing" reform so they can stir the pot and disorganize society?
I think legislation should be reviewed periodically to ensure it is still relevant and serving the population at large in the best way possible.
The "If it ain't broken, don't fix it" attitude is wrong and dangerous in regards to legislation. There is always room for improvement. And I would say that your sample size is too small to determine that the system isn't broken.
I think legislation should be reviewed periodically to ensure it is still relevant and serving the population at large in the best way possible.
The "If it ain't broken, don't fix it" attitude is wrong and dangerous in regards to legislation. There is always room for improvement. And I would say that your sample size is too small to determine that the system isn't broken.
There is a difference between constructive change and improvement, which I support, and pot-stirring, which I oppose.
I'm not seeing anything insensitive in the post you quoted. It is an undeniable fact that, if a birth parent should seek out and find a minor child being raised by adoptive parents, there is going to be some level of impact on that child and his parents. This impact might be positive, but it could also be detrimental. I, personally, do not think that allowing birth parents to have unrestricted access to the children they placed for adoption necessarily serves the best interests of that child.
He knows a handful of adoptees, and wants to speak for the multitudes.
An open adoption would eliminate most of the problems you think are important. It's Secret Squirrel stuff that creates the problems.
He knows a handful of adoptees, and wants to speak for the multitudes.
An open adoption would eliminate most of the problems you think are important. It's Secret Squirrel stuff that creates the problems.
I respectfully disagree. I think that open adoptions offer the risk of an unstable birth parent trying to disrupt the family life of his/her birth child and the child's adoptive parents. Children need stability in their lives; introducing a third parent into their lives can be very destabilizing.
I've stated my views on this subject from the perspective of an adoptive parent. As a birth parent, what benefits do you foresee deriving from open adoptions? In what ways would it benefit the child? The birth parents? The adoptive parents?
I respectfully disagree. I think that open adoptions offer the risk of an unstable birth parent trying to disrupt the family life of his/her birth child and the child's adoptive parents. Children need stability in their lives; introducing a third parent into their lives can be very destabilizing.
I've stated my views on this subject from the perspective of an adoptive parent. As a birth parent, what benefits do you foresee deriving from open adoptions? In what ways would it benefit the child? The birth parents? The adoptive parents?
Some people think that systems that work are somehow "unfair." Well, life is unfair.
We adopted our wonderful son, now 28 from overseas too when he was 13 months old, as that looked like the most straight forward way to get from point A to point B and not have the risks of expecting to become parents and have a birth mother change her mind (This situation happened to a friend of mine who tried initially domestically and it was really devastating for them emotionally that the adoption didn't go thru). They spent a lot of money, had a nursery set up, were so excited, but the birth mother decided to change her mind and keep her child (her choice). They did end up adopting two children from overseas about two years after that.
All I can say is DS has been such a joy to me. We've just always gotten along so well and it just seemed like this whole thing was meant to be. And OMG he and my mom (she's deceased now) were soulmates with their photography and computer interests. I can't even imagine life without him. He's grown up now of course and is even getting married next year. Right now he just lives 16 minutes away from us, which is so much fun as we get together a lot.
We did change our son's name (Russian adoption) as our adoption agency recommended we do that unless DS would be going to an ethnically diverse elementary school. DS knew he was adopted from day 1, and we showed him his adorable Russian passport, translated birth certificates, photos and videotapes from his orphanage, etc. When he was 19 (my idea) I asked him if he would be interested in our initiating a search to find his birth family, and he thought that would be cool to do. I found a wonderful search agency run by a US gal who was adopted herself, has an adopted son who used to work in IT (I work in IT now lol), and she went full time with her search business because she just had so much business. She has a partner in Russia who works for here there and in few other nearby countries. He's who did her initial search for he son's family. Anyway I was super comfortable working with her and thought her prices were right in line with other searchers I looked at. It was great working with her vs. a Russian attorney. Our searchers found out DS's mom was deceased (died when he was seven), found his father who was happy to hear about him and know all was well, but he didn't want to meet with our searcher for a more extensive interview or anything (the whole situation of giving up his son and the difficult times then were just things he didn't want to relive). Our searcher was able to find two brothers who both knew about DS -- one showed up at the interview drunk with friends -- he had had a tough life going from foster family to foster family after parental rights were taken away. And after being in the Russian Army he had developed a drinking problem. The second older brother, though, was more fortunate and had been raised by his paternal grandmother, talked to our interviewer, got family photos from his dad that we got copies of, did a video interview for DS. He was married and had a young daughter too. Both guys were quite a bit older than DS (eight years and five years older). The second brother who didn't talk to the interviewer for long later felt he'd really missed out and wanted to do a little corresponding with DS and for a while they were corresponding at bit on social media with DS using google translate. It was sort of cool. The first post started "Hey brother". What I thought might be disappointing information for DS was actually super interesting and positive information for him. He just loved getting the family photos too (attractive people). It just answered a lot of questions he had in the back of his mind he said that he had never really even thought to ask about. I'm so glad that we did this.
All I can say is that I was so blessed to have had the joy of raising my son and am so blessed now to have him in my life.
I respectfully disagree. I think that open adoptions offer the risk of an unstable birth parent trying to disrupt the family life of his/her birth child and the child's adoptive parents. Children need stability in their lives; introducing a third parent into their lives can be very destabilizing.
I've stated my views on this subject from the perspective of an adoptive parent. As a birth parent, what benefits do you foresee deriving from open adoptions? In what ways would it benefit the child? The birth parents? The adoptive parents?
I agree. Open adoption is confusing and painful for all concerned. It's a BAD idea.
I see no benefit in involving people into a child's life who may have problems. Parents are charged with keeping unsavory individuals away from our minor children. Even if they are not from another country, they may be very different from us in their values and customs.
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