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I'll admit, it wasn't always in the best interest of everyone because the adoptee had too much negative baggage due to the adoption, being ripped away from their truth, denied their right to have a copy of their birth certificate which they are the only people denied this basic right, their names were also changed, some dying, never knowing their birth name. Most have never regained their right to that birth certificate. Some can never get a passport either due to that amended adoption birth certificate not being legal for identification purposes like an original birth certificate was. There are also too many to count who are denied access to the DAR (Daughters of the American revolution) and their genetic Mayflower ties. Some are trying to have their biological father who was identified via Ancestry DNA added to their birth certificate but they're denied that right too, even when the biological father is standing next to them to be added to the birth certificate but are denied. A DNA paternity or maternity test is not as accurate as ancestry DNA which says a parent/child relationship, not that the person is 99.9999999999% chance they are the parent, insert mother/father here.
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Adoption is never in the best interest of the child because their name is being changed. I can bring 9 out of 10 adoptees here to give an opinion that changing their birth certificate and name are not in their best interest.
Do you not understand that a birth certificate should be about one thing, the two people, a born genetic male and female who's sperm and egg who share biological DNA with the child they created.
It is 2023, maybe we need to change birth certificates to add lines for who [b]carried and birth the child along with the person deemed the 2nd parent who is not always a male these days which is stupid because two women, while they can raise a child, they can not both contribute one egg to said child, or at least not yet. I wouldn't be shocked if it could be done in a lab.
************ Think about what is best for the child. Sorry but it is not editing the birth certificate, especially not in 2023 when legal rights do not need her name on the birth certificate. Adding her name to this "birth document" will not restore her fertility, ability to have a child.
I decided to open this discussion in a new thread and new forum so as to avoid derailing the thread. The rights of adoptive parents has to be considered, and in my view is given short shrift both in this post and in recent actions by courts, agencies and states. I do sympathize with the desire of adoptive children to know their roots and heritage. That is a legitimate concern. I will address balancing this concern with the need for adoptive families to make a clean start raising their children.
Adoption is a traumatic process for all involved. Birth single mothers or families must contend with feelings of failing their child or children, and in many cases being stigmatized. Adopting families are gaining children that do not share their genes or heritage. Even in the best of circumstances, it is certainly not a first choice for any concerned.
There are some parents or families that simply cannot handle either an additional mouth to feed or an additional child to raise. That is a fact. Also, teenage romances may be great at producing children, but not at creating a stable environment in which to raise their children.
Adopting parents need, in many instances, to be free from "competition" from birth parents. In some cases, birth parents' circumstances change, i.e. getting a paying job, and they want their child back. In others, when an adoptee reaches the stages at which they start questioning their life's circumstances, the adoptee should learn to come to terms with the people that loved and nurtured them.
The best "balance" I can think of is allowing, not mandating, both adoptive and birth parents to consent to the release of information. Maybe, provide for release after a certain date, such as when an adoptee turns 18 or 21.
I decided to open this discussion in a new thread and new forum so as to avoid derailing the thread. The rights of adoptive parents has to be considered, and in my view is given short shrift both in this post and in recent actions by courts, agencies and states. I do sympathize with the desire of adoptive children to know their roots and heritage. That is a legitimate concern. I will address balancing this concern with the need for adoptive families to make a clean start raising their children.
Adoption is a traumatic process for all involved. Birth single mothers or families must contend with feelings of failing their child or children, and in many cases being stigmatized. Adopting families are gaining children that do not share their genes or heritage. Even in the best of circumstances, it is certainly not a first choice for any concerned.
There are some parents or families that simply cannot handle either an additional mouth to feed or an additional child to raise. That is a fact. Also, teenage romances may be great at producing children, but not at creating a stable environment in which to raise their children.
Adopting parents need, in many instances, to be free from "competition" from birth parents. In some cases, birth parents' circumstances change, i.e. getting a paying job, and they want their child back. In others, when an adoptee reaches the stages at which they start questioning their life's circumstances, the adoptee should learn to come to terms with the people that loved and nurtured them.
The best "balance" I can think of is allowing, not mandating, both adoptive and birth parents to consent to the release of information. Maybe, provide for release after a certain date, such as when an adoptee turns 18 or 21.
I did not mention adoptive parents because I did not want to side track the topic, it was about a step mother adopting the young step daughters of her new husband which she wanted to do after finding herself unable to have kids, she was told she was infertile.
Adoption in the past has always focused on the adoptive parents, protecting them from the biological parent from changing their minds and trying to get their babies back. They went as far as locking away the original birth certificates of the adoptees, making them a new birth certificate that wipes out the two people who contributed the egg and sperm.
Whether anyone likes it or not, closed adoptions are out, there is no way to guarantee adoptive parents that the adoptee won't be able to do something like ancestry DNA to find their biological family. Many cases are being solved due to it. Some adoptees won't look until their adoptive parent dies. They don't want to disrespect them.
My brother was adopted by some really wonderful people. He was named as a junior of his adoptive father who was a mayor in a town not far from us. The father was also an architect or engineer with his own business. I don't recall if his adoptive mother worked or if she stayed home to raise the 3 adopted kids. When we found my brother in 2004, he brought his adoptive parents with him to my house. His parents were wonderful people who were supportive of their 3 adopted kids when they decided to add their names to the adoption reunion website for $hits and giggles. My brother was not planning to do it but his sister talked him into it. IIRC, he was the only one to find a match. We lost about 4 years because he filled out his profile wrong. He could only be found by DOB, male adoptee, somehow, he did not do the state right. I had never looked without adding the state until that day.
My brother, while 6 years older than me, had kids who were 2 and a newborn. My son was 20, my daughter 12. My parents had 5 grand kids, my older sibling did not have kids because the guy she was married to had mental illness in his family. She decided not to have any.
I was happy and thankful to find my brother so that my mother would have some peace before she died as she changed her mind about giving him up. Catholic Charities came knocking when my brother was about 3 months old. My mother had met my father who said he will raise my brother as his own child but it was not meant to be.
Catholic Charities told my mother she signed her rights away already, to hand him over which ripped her heart out.
I originally found out about him when I stopped at her house one day, I lived an hour and 15 minutes away, still kept my dentist there to make a day of appointments to see family. She had a bedroom bedside 3 drawer dresser with her pictures in two drawers. They used to be loose in another dresser drawer, she had recently threw them in there in the living room. I've been through her pictures before, they were a huge mess pile. She's not an organized person. My siblings and I had taken our own photos from there because she didn't take care of them.
I don't recall why I was looking in their but I found a picture of a baby who looked like me but was obviously a boy. I put the picture aside, kept digging. I found a baby hospital bracelet for baby Richard Eugene her maiden name.
Adopting parents need, in many instances, to be free from "competition" from birth parents. In some cases, birth parents' circumstances change, i.e. getting a paying job, and they want their child back. In others, when an adoptee reaches the stages at which they start questioning their life's circumstances, the adoptee should learn to come to terms with the people that loved and nurtured them.
This is, to put it mildly, a sensitive topic with at least some adoptive parents. It certainly is with me.
My wife and I adopted our son when he was 4.5 months old. He just recently turned 17. We adopted our daughter when she was 9.5 months old. She's about to turn 15. They are well aware that they were adopted. But even so, we are the only parents they have ever known. My wife and I have poured our hearts, our lives, and our treasures into raising them.
Now, suppose tomorrow, a stranger shows up on my doorstep, escorted by two police officers, bearing a court order. It's the birth mom of one of my kids. She's finally gotten her act together enough to convince a court to hand over "her" child. And so, just like that, one of my kids is just taken away.
Do you have any idea what that would do to us? What it would do to the child? To us, it would be as if our child had been kidnapped and we're unable to find him or her. We'd know that he or she was alive out there somewhere, but we'd be powerless to help. To our son or daughter, it would be as if we were declared to be unfit parents and they were stripped from our lives and from their home and from the life we've all built together. Is "family reunification," to a "family" that was never united in the first place, really worth destroying an actual, functioning family? It seems that some adoption activists think so.
There were several reasons why we decided to adopt from overseas instead of domestically. But this was one of the big reasons. We never wanted to risk the scenario I just outlined, no matter how improbable it might have been. And so, we opted to forego giving a couple of Born in the U.S.A. kids a shot at a family life.
As I said, my kids know that they were adopted. They've known it for as long as they were even remotely able to understand the concept. We all know that their birth certificates, listing us as their parents, are nothing more than a polite fiction. (But, how do you list the biological parents on the form when they are explicitly kept anonymous? I don't have the answers.) But we are their real parents, and they are our real children. Any activist or social movement that does not acknowledge these facts will not be received favorably by me, again to put it very mildly.
I gave up a baby boy for adoption back in 1999. I signed over my parental rights, freeing him to be adopted out.
It tore my heart out. It was a primal thing to me...my failure to my own flesh and blood to provide for him.
His adoption was semi-open. His adoptive mother and I exchanged letters for about 3 years...and I knew my baby's first name, and the first names of his mom and dad. She would send me pictures and tell me his developmental milestones, and his interests.
Whether anyone likes it or not, closed adoptions are out, there is no way to guarantee adoptive parents that the adoptee won't be able to do something like ancestry DNA to find their biological family. Many cases are being solved due to it. Some adoptees won't look until their adoptive parent dies. They don't want to disrespect them.
I see that adoptees can search for their parents, and one cannot backtread on technology. I have serious problems, though, allowing unwanted contacts in either direction. This would foster certain things that no one wants, i.e. involuntary parenthood (often does not work out) or abortion. I think basically vandalizing the adoption system in the name of someone's idea of "rights" is not a good idea.
I see that adoptees can search for their parents, and one cannot backtread on technology. I have serious problems, though, allowing unwanted contacts in either direction. This would foster certain things that no one wants, i.e. involuntary parenthood (often does not work out) or abortion. I think basically vandalizing the adoption system in the name of someone's idea of "rights" is not a good idea.
I'm no expert, for sure, and I know that there's a lot I don't know...but how would I, as a bio mom, be able to force myself on my son or his parents?
I've registered with the state, and I'm a member of an adoption reunion site...and I wait. I don't think I'm rolling in power here.
I'm no expert, for sure, and I know that there's a lot I don't know...but how would I, as a bio mom, be able to force myself on my son or his parents?
I've registered with the state, and I'm a member of an adoption reunion site...and I wait. I don't think I'm rolling in power here.
Unless the Mom finds out where her bio child lives, shows up, and starts stirring the pot. Or tying to compete with the adoptive parents for the child's affections.
I don't think most adoptees are begging for full time lifetime contact with birth family. I think most would be happy if they could just obtain their original birth certificate and birth information when they reach 18, or even 21, so that they can finally learn their own identity. Then have the choice to reclaim it or not. It's their identity, they should be allowed to be the one to choose.
Unless the Mom finds out where her bio child lives, shows up, and starts stirring the pot. Or tying to compete with the adoptive parents for the child's affections.
But how would I do that? Hire a private investigator? I don't know my son's first or last name. I don't know where they live...even though we exchanged letters, I know very little about them.
But how would I do that? Hire a private investigator? I don't know my son's first or last name. I don't know where they live...even though we exchanged letters, I know very little about them.
Some states may be making those records available.
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