Caregivers: your experiences? (spouse, senior, disabled, siblings)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
it sounds like each experience is totally dependent on the folks involved and what resources are or are not available. It doesn't sound like from the posters so far--that anyone has been able to secure much outside help or financial assistance. That sounds terribly daunting. I find this very discouraging.
If the elderly parent/person is a veteran or the widow/widower of a veteran, the VA will pay family members who provide care through the Aid & Attendance program.
Since it's government, there are a lot of hoops to jump through but it can be done. It's actually a reimbursement, ie the elderly person pays the caregiver and then is reimbursed.
My mother-in-law is a veteran's widow with 4 adult children living here in town. Although all 4 do things for her, they decided my husband would be the designated 'primary caregiver' because he's the most willing to do the paperwork needed. He keeps a record of his time spent on caregiving activities, she writes him a monthly check. He usually spends 8-12 hours a week caring for her. The other 3 children spend about the same but their time doesn't count. (EDIT: it's not an hourly reimbursement, it's a monthly fee based upon level of care needed/given, we receive $600 a month).
We don't need the income; we bank it and earmark it to spend back on her, mainly on groceries and home repairs and improvements.
This is legal. It was a VA representative who suggested we do it. We had spent 2 years establishing her eligibility for VA-paid Assisted Living benefits but she's still able to stay at home for now. The VA rep said they're very pro family-care, it saves them money. He has told us also that this will smooth the transistion should she have to go into AL, it'll just be a records change for them.
EDIT to add: We have to pay income tax on the amount she "pays" us.
Thank you for that info, Biscuitmom. I was totally unaware of this program. Sounds like a good resource to check out, even tho I am sure, as you said, there are hoops to jump through. Really appreciate your sharing this.
If the elderly parent/person is a veteran or the widow/widower of a veteran, the VA will pay family members who provide care through the Aid & Attendance program.
Since it's government, there are a lot of hoops to jump through but it can be done. It's actually a reimbursement, ie the elderly person pays the caregiver and then is reimbursed.
My mother-in-law is a veteran's widow with 4 adult children living here in town. Although all 4 do things for her, they decided my husband would be the designated 'primary caregiver' because he's the most willing to do the paperwork needed. He keeps a record of his time spent on caregiving activities, she writes him a monthly check. He usually spends 8-12 hours a week caring for her. The other 3 children spend about the same but their time doesn't count. (EDIT: it's not an hourly reimbursement, it's a monthly fee based upon level of care needed/given, we receive $600 a month).
We don't need the income; we bank it and earmark it to spend back on her, mainly on groceries and home repairs and improvements.
This is legal. It was a VA representative who suggested we do it. We had spent 2 years establishing her eligibility for VA-paid Assisted Living benefits but she's still able to stay at home for now. The VA rep said they're very pro family-care, it saves them money. He has told us also that this will smooth the transistion should she have to go into AL, it'll just be a records change for them.
EDIT to add: We have to pay income tax on the amount she "pays" us.
I NEVER knew of this. My father was veteran of WWII and Korea. I took care of him and paid his bills for more than 10 years. Is this something I can claim now?
I just did a little research on the web and it looks like we should have gotten about 2K per month TAX FREE. For more than 10 YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG I'm dumb. That's about a half MILLION dollars. I did send an email to see if I can claim this posthumously, through doctor records and things like that.
I asked my parents more than once about VA benefits and they always told me they had checked and he was eligible for nothing.
Last edited by yellowsnow; 05-17-2012 at 02:49 PM..
Reason: added
Correct me if I'm wrong, but it appears that the VA program is only for low-income people. Is that correct?
Yes, for the veteran/widow. My mother-in-law's only income is SS, so she's well within the range. Also, net assets have to be, I think, less than 80K, excluding house and car.
Last edited by biscuitmom; 05-17-2012 at 03:56 PM..
Well, this is a subject I could write about for a long, long time....from first-hand experience. My husband (who passed away 4-1-12) received his medical care from the VA for the past 12 years, in Prescott, AZ and Murfreesboro, TN. Boy oh boy, the stories and experiences I could tell you all. Maybe someday.
I am convinced that the VA does NOT want people to know about the many programs available to veterans. We found out quite by accident of the Aid & Attendance Program. My husband, unfortunately, did not qualify as he did not serve during an active period of war. That is the first hurdle to qualify. But there is another law that was passed in 2010 by Obama, the Caregivers and Veterans Omnibus Health Services Act of 2010. While living in TN, we received a notice from the Prescott, AZ VA about the possibility of my DH being qualified. When we called the Murfreesboro, TN VA to inquire about it, NO ONE knew anything about it. This bill had been in effect for a year, yet no one that worked at the VA knew anything about it. SO TYPICAL!!!
What we found out about this bill (due to our own research), is that the veteran has to have served POST 911, or else you did not qualify. One other part of this bill, however, states that if your doctor states that you (the veteran) are "catastrophically disabled," you are eligible to receive your care, including office visits, hospital stays, medications, etc. AT NO COST TO THE VETERAN. Fortunately, his doctor signed off that he was indeed "cd," and for the last year or so of his life, he had no cost for anything. This was a godsend for us to say the least. Sadly, no one else that we know that is a veteran...knew anything about this bill.
I urge anyone reading this....if you know of a veteran that may be eligible for either of these programs, please call the VA, do research online, be persistent until you get an answer. I know there are thousands out there that will qualify and have no clue that these programs exist. They can be a godsend to so many who are qualified and in need of additional help.
To show you how the VA operates, when my DH passed away, I notified his Primary Care Physician, his Anti-Coag Doctor (he was on Coumadin), and his Diabetes Doctor. They were all nice enough to send a condolence card to me. Early this week, I received a notice in the mail of an upcoming appointment he had, and today I received a message on the answering machine, reminding him of another upcoming appointment. I consider that to be unexcusable and inconsiderate, and highly upsetting. So typical of the VA!
I will write more another time about my experience as a caregiver. It is quite an adjustment to no longer be one.
Last edited by tngirl205; 05-17-2012 at 07:09 PM..
Reason: Didn't finish post
Interestingly, much hay was being made a few years ago about Boomers being squeezed between the Boomerangers and aging parents. But by my reckoning only the younger part of the Boom still have parents alive. Many of the WW2 generation are gone. It's actually X/13ers who are going to have this squeeze, at least the ones with kids. Talk about mini me of the Boomerangers, unemployment rates for new grads are huge. And since Silent was the first generation to somewhat postpone having kids, the average age of Xers parents tends toward the high side.
Currently, we have my 90 year old father living with us.
It certainly has it's challenges and I am still working a 60 hour week and raising a teen-ager.
The godsend has been the Home Instead agency - who sent us a wonderful lady who comes 3 times a week and takes him to the doctor, out to eat, for a walk, does his laundry, etc. They get along well. Mentally, he is slowing down ~ can't pay bills anymore, etc - but he's still pretty 'with it'. He's a pretty mellow guy - once we all adjusted. Him to being dependent and me to having another person to take care of.
I fall somewhere on the outer boundaries of being a Boomer/Gen x.
I'm lucky that my father is a retired army officer and school teacher. He has wonderful retirement pay - which is good for him because it's costing him about $1500-$2000 a month to have his helper here.
I might check into that VA aid and attendance thing but he says because he was an officer; he won't qualify.
Good luck to all who are dealing with this 'squeeze' as one poster put it. It's a real juggling act.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
VA programs
