Declaring family member incompetent

[KathrynAragon]

Originally Posted by MI-Roger

Medical Directives are worthless, unless:

You provide a copy to each area Hospital
You provide a copy to each area EMS service.
You provide a copy to each area Police and Fire Dept
And the patient needs DNR Medical Alert jewelry
And they may need to have DNR tatooed on their chest.

All well in advance of any actual emergency

They came in super handy during my dad's final hospitalization and all that. Yes, I did have to provide a copy of my general durable power of attorney. And then when they told me they wanted to take him off life support, I went home and reread his medical directive, which he'd drawn up when he was well, and it made me feel tons better.

[phoebesmom]

Again, chime in with experience similar to Katherine's--I found my mom's medical directive, which she did at least 20 years ago, and felt a whole lot better about the DNR etc that I had to sign. I felt I was doing what she wanted, as it really is incredibly difficult to take a parent off life support/keep a parent from getting resuscitation, etc. Goes against our instincts, really.

[KathrynAragon]

Originally Posted by phoebesmom

Again, chime in with experience similar to Katherine's--I found my mom's medical directive, which she did at least 20 years ago, and felt a whole lot better about the DNR etc that I had to sign. I felt I was doing what she wanted, as it really is incredibly difficult to take a parent off life support/keep a parent from getting resuscitation, etc. Goes against our instincts, really.

Bingo. Thank you.

I was assured my dad wasn't in any pain so I asked if I could go back home and reread his medical directive and just think about it and pray about it and all that, and the doctor told me yes. So on the way home, with my adult daughter in my car, suddenly an owl came at us as we entered the neighborhood, a few blocks from my house, and it looked like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUkytRPIJNs

I had never seen an owl in our neighborhood before. I looked up the meaning and it meant that good spirits were waiting to escort someone to "the other side." Also, my dad's spirit animal was the owl, which I also didn't know till that night. And finally, after I had his life support disconnected (and he died that evening), two owls sat in a tree in front of my house for three days. I've never seen them since. They stayed till the night after his funeral.

I thought that was really cool. I mean, that owl flew so close to us in the car that my daughter screamed and ducked. It was pretty amazing. As soon as it happened, I told my daughter, "That means something and I'm going to find out what it means tonight."

[phoebesmom]

What an amazing experience. It goes along with so many others that I have heard about and experienced (my Dad comes as a wild turkey, which was his spirit animal.) If you watch the show Life After Death, many people report very similar experiences. You are so blessed to have his approval of your action. This was a real gift he gave you, and shows the love he has for you, and that he knows the love you have for him. You asked, and he answered.

Speaking of calling, after he died, the guy who bought Dad's house gave me a turkey call he found of Dad's, and it had scripture on it. Here is what it said,

"Call unto me and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not." (Jeremiah 33.3)

I think you called out to God and to your dad and you got your answer, immediately. What a beautiful gift.

[GeoffD]

The OP vanished from the thread. I’m wondering what their objective is? I personally wouldn’t want a problem aunt under my roof with two toddlers in the house. I’d be reaching out to town/county/state social services to see what my options are. If I didn’t like the options, an attorney would be next. Depending on the state, you legally might not be able to get rid of them. Your house is their legal address.

[L00k4ward]

Originally Posted by GeoffD

…I’m wondering what their objective is? I personally wouldn’t want a problem aunt under my roof with two toddlers in the house. …

Agree,
it could be tricky, but it depends on the state of the relative’s health.

In case of the OP’s aunt it could be a an UTI infection,dehydration, lack of vit B12, thyroid issues-or even dementia - the aunt definitely needs to be evaluated

In some cases families maybe in a dire need/will benefit for an additional income/resources which the relative may contribute and taking care of that relative may have an altruistic as well as financial motives.

The additional income may allow one of the spouses to stay home with their young children and care for an elderly infirm relative as well - saving money on childcare, gas,car expenses, hairdressers, clothing, other grooming needed for work, takeout meals/restaurants to give a break to both working spouses - even taxes - it adds up when both parents must work.

If the family with younger children will be able to figure out the right medication for an elderly - it may not be that concerning to have them at their house - at least for a while - while the children are not school age yet.

You gave a good advice on how to proceed in this particular situation: involve the doctors first, then lawyers to sign legal documents for her affairs management or the lawyers first then - the doctors in case it could be dementia, then elder care services may need to be involved- if she needs a higher level of care outside of the home.