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IMO the real message for the specific target audience is "find a man who is your intellectual equal with equivalent ambition and equivalent career path." And in that sense I think she's dead-on. I also think she underestimates the ability of these particularly driven women to find equally driven men later in life in their career and social circles after graduation, but then again I've never really been where she has so what would I know.
I don't think she underestimates it at all. I think she is very much aware of what it's like to be a very intelligent and successful older woman in the dating world. It is very difficult for a very intelligent and driven woman to find a husband later in life (after college or grad school).
First of all, it's generally hard to meet the equivalent men who have a decent personality and are marriage-minded because there are few of them and to find one in the larger population is akin to looking for a needle in the proverbial haystack. Second, most men are intimidated by such women, especially if they are also attractive. Third, accomplishment in a woman is not a priority for most men, so her accomplishments do nothing to give her favor in the eyes of men. Fourth, lots of men don't want competition at home, so they are more comfortable with a wife who is less accomplished than themselves. Fifth, the older the woman gets, the less desirable she becomes. Thus, she winds up in competition with thousands of younger college graduates entering the dating market every year.
Yeah, I think a lot of people are not ready to marry at the age of 21 or so. However, I think it is a lot harder for highly educated women to get married than those that are less so (i.e. high powered lawyer vs secretary). So, finding their spouses in school might increase their chances of actually getting married. Most women want a man that is at least in the same ballpark as far as education/career/intelligence. For men, it doesn't matter nearly as much so the highly educated man has more choices.
Not so.
Fact Sheet Marriage and Education | Marriage, Partnership & Divorce Getting a lot of education delays marriage, but for women and men born after 1958, unlike for women born early in the 20th century, the well educated are just as or more likely to ultimately marry as any other group. In Figure 1 we see that up to sometime in the 20s, the more education you have, the less likely you are to have married, with college graduates the least likely and those with less than a high school education the most likely. But somewhere between the mid 20s and late 30s a catch-up of the more educated occurs. Although people who get more education typically wait till after they complete schooling to marry, making their marriages later, they are just as likely to ultimately marry by about age 40. In all education groups, roughly 75-90% will ever marry.
I'm shocked that anybody would be telling women 18-22 to marry that young. This seems like the worse and most retro advice ever. I went to college in the 60's and this is what was expected of my generation. I guess we haven't come as far as we thought!
When I saw the title of the thread, it's kind of what I thought....Did the Princeton Alumni
just fly in on the Tardis from the 1950's or something?
I'm shocked that anybody would be telling women 18-22 to marry that young. This seems like the worse and most retro advice ever. I went to college in the 60's and this is what was expected of my generation. I guess we haven't come as far as we thought!
So did I, and getting an MRS was the main goal for me too. It caused me to stifle my own growth too early, and the marriage did not last.
However, there is some truth in what she says. The older we get, the more set in our ways we get. We are less willing to bend and compromise with another person in order to have a successful partnership. Like another poster said, too many modern women are all about their careers, then wake up one morning with no family and ancient old eggs.
I think that when the right two people marry young, and have respect for each other's growth and fulfillment, it is the best possible chance for a happy life.
So did I, and getting an MRS was the main goal for me too. It caused me to stifle my own growth too early, and the marriage did not last.
However, there is some truth in what she says. The older we get, the more set in our ways we get. We are less willing to bend and compromise with another person in order to have a successful partnership. Like another poster said, too many modern women are all about their careers, then wake up one morning with no family and ancient old eggs.
I think that when the right two people marry young, and have respect for each other's growth and fulfillment, it is the best possible chance for a happy life.
Do you really know anyone like that (bold), or is this just a general perception you have from the culture?
Back when I was in my late 20s, I finally figured out that most people kind of while away their 20s. I know a lot from my age group who got into early marriages that did not work out, as above. My DH spent his 20s in grad school, probably a good place for him. The deal now, at least with many educated women (I have two such women as daughters), is to go to grad school, date, go out with friends, etc. My oldest got married last year at 28. She, mind you, would have been happy to marry sooner, but the guy wasn't "ready".
There is no need to pick a husband in college. An educated woman will meet educated men when she is out of college as well. Like you, gentlearts, I got married too young the first time. I did meet a physics PhD candidate the second time around; not from Princeton, but the University of Illinois, which has one of the best physics programs around. My daughter the elder said she never dated a guy w/o an advanced degree.
Do you really know anyone like that (bold), or is this just a general perception you have from the culture?
I know at least 8 women like that, and if I really stopped to think I could probably think of more. They were born in the 50's or 60's and are now in their late 40's, 50's and early 60's and because they placed college and career ahead of marriage and mothering, they either have had several divorces and have raised children as single mothers (or two of them gave up custody of their kids and their kids were raised by the husbands and stepmothers - their ex-husbands new wives), or they never married and regret never marrying and having children. A few of them are quite angry and bitter now, and every time they are invited to something like a wedding, baby shower, birthday party, etc. people try to avoid being near them because all they do is sit there and talk in a negative way about how things never worked out for them. It's really sad to see older bitter women like this. They all live alone and everyone worries about what's going to happen to them - no kids or grandkids to help them when they get older, and because they are so angry and bitter most other people don't want to help them or be around them, either.
When I saw the title of the thread, it's kind of what I thought....Did the Princeton Alumni
just fly in on the Tardis from the 1950's or something?
Then I really hope you went back and read more than just the title of an artcle. Again, she was responding to questions put to her by young college women regarding her opionion on how she though it best for them to seek husbands that would best match their own criteria.
Nowhere did she tell them to drop out of school and get married. Nowhere did she tell them to get married. In fact, if you read what she said that prompted her letter, she said she was surprised at this line of questioning since she had come prepared to that session intending to answer questions regarding career choices rather than those of relationships.
It's never accurate to make a judge of a piece on just the title alone.
Then I really hope you went back and read more than just the title of an artcle. Again, she was responding to questions put to her by young college women regarding her opionion on how she though it best for them to seek husbands that would best match their own criteria.
Nowhere did she tell them to drop out of school and get married. Nowhere did she tell them to get married. In fact, if you read what she said that prompted her letter, she said she was surprised at this line of questioning since she had come prepared to that session intending to answer questions regarding career choices rather than those of relationships.
It's never accurate to make a judge of a piece on just the title alone.
Quote:
Patton was one of the first women to graduate from the Ivy League School, which her son currently attends, but her open letter has drawn scathing headlines, including one: “Princeton Grad Warns Undergraduates to Find Their Husbands Now, Because the Rest of the World Is Too Dumb.”
“It was just intended to suggest to these women who are on campus today, again, keep an open mind. Look around you. These are the best guys,” Patton said. “If the women’s movement has done what it has supposed to do, it should enable all women to make whatever choices are appropriate for them, even if their choices are seemingly retrogressive.”
In the letter, Patton also says although “men regularly marry women who are younger and less intelligent…ultimately it will frustrate you to be with a man who just isn’t as smart as you.”
The letter was met with mixed reactions by students, some of whom felt Patton did have a point.
“I don’t think her entire point is completely wrong. Girls do want to date guys who are as smart or smarter than them, but in practicality, we are all way too young to be getting married now,” one female student told ABC News.
Although the advice may sound like something mothers told their daughters in past generations, Karin Ruskin, a marriage and family therapist, said Patton may be on to something.
“If you have similar value systems and you both are intellectuals, is it going to increase the chance that you’ll have a successful relationship? she said. “Of course. That’s a given.” Link
I read the article (admittedly, I didn't watch the video), but I am sorry I don't think that is good advice personally. A lot of college age people probably aren't ready for such a committment (although some are, if it happens...but go to college to become educated and enlightened, not as a husband hunting mission.) You need to find who you are, be who you are, and know that happiness comes in many ways and forms, and it's not all dependent on marrying some man...at college age especially focusing on education and Academics. I don't see where waiting until a person is a bit older and more fulfilled on their own terms, rather than rushing into a marriage at early age. (Although they are young adults sometimes they do find love at that point of their life, I don't feel like they should feel prodded to do so.) And ofcourse only another Princeton student would be good enough for them. That's kind of ridiculous!
I read the article (admittedly, I didn't watch the video), but I am sorry I don't think that is good advice personally. A lot of college age people probably aren't ready for such a commitment (although some are, if it happens...but go to college to become educated and enlightened, not as a husband hunting mission.) You need to find who you are, be who you are, and know that happiness comes in many ways and forms, and it's not all dependent on marrying some man...at college age especially focusing on education and Academics. I don't see where waiting until a person is a bit older and more fulfilled on their own terms, rather than rushing into a marriage at early age. (Although they are young adults sometimes they do find love at that point of their life, I don't feel like they should feel prodded to do so.) And of course only another Princeton student would be good enough for them. That's kind of ridiculous!
Well I guess we will have to agree to disagree as the saying goes. It's a matter of interpretation.
I just don't see her advice as prodding or a mission or anything like that. She doesn't tell them marry immediately after graduation. Part of college is the social experience for most people. Lifelong friends are made. No reason why your mate can't be one of them even a few years or more down the line.
I am seeing her suggestion to women that they find someone from their college if they are looking for the most suitable person to marry in the future if marriage is what they want. The women who asked her opinion were asking her the best way to do this. If you read her response to that query in the link I gave earlier, that was her reply. She was carrying this forward in her letter.
As she is giving this advice to the women, she is giving it to the men they are finding as well after all, those are the people the women are going to marry.
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