Why are people so shady here? (Des Moines, Delta: how much, to live in, moving to)

[Rubi3]

Once, when we were visiting in Omaha, we drove over to Council Bluffs for ice cream. They were friendly.

[camille563]

Originally Posted by kbmom

We've lived in Iowa for 4 years now. We've tried to get involved in church, our kids' school, our neighborhood to no avail. I think it's accurate to say that while Iowans are "nice" they are certainly not welcoming. Social circles tend to revolve around extended family and high school/college friends. Most people don't have any desire to allow any new friends into their lives. Sadly, the same has been true for my children who have never connected with their peers or found good friends. After 4 years they still feel like the new kids. I dread the inevitable hibernation and cocooning that comes every winter when people lock themselves in their houses and don't come out again until the tulips come up. I think there's a large number of people who actually look forward to winter so they don't have to interact with others. We've lived in six different states all across the country and there are people in each of those communities who, years later, we still count as dear friends. Unfortunately we can't say the same about our time here in Iowa. Although there are some wonderful things about Iowa and Des Moines in general, the people here do not make us feel like we will ever be able to truly call Iowa home.

You hit it on the nail. We moved to Iowa 4 years and have the same problem with making friends. In fact when my daughter was in 5th grade I had a conference with school officials about a few bullying incidents and their exact words were " you need to understand that these girls have been together since pre-k and have formed a click"! I'm sorry you are having the same issues, hopefully this won't be the end of the road for us and we head south!

[camille563]

Originally Posted by iagal

Take a look at the recent post the OP made to a woman on the Dubuque forum (second to last message in thread). Not at all tactful in her response, no matter if it is a positive or negative opinion. With an attitude like that, I can understand why she is encountering some of her problems (although no excuse for the overt discrimination she has encountered).

Now she is posting on the Nashville Tennessee forum. They've all been polite and explaining their answers in depth to her. Quite a contrast to her attitude to the poster in Dubuque.

https://www.city-data.com/forum/iowa/...e-dubuque.html

Let me explain a few things I have always been very friendly and respectful, the post I made about Dubuque is because I lived there and was thankful to be out of there! Secondly, I wrote in the Nashville thread because we were actually suppose to get transferred there before Des Moines and waiting to head south! Dubuque was an not a great city, a lot of crime, and terrible schools, it's not surprising you are making assumptions

[Henry10]

Originally Posted by camille563

You hit it on the nail. We moved to Iowa 4 years and have the same problem with making friends. In fact when my daughter was in 5th grade I had a conference with school officials about a few bullying incidents and their exact words were " you need to understand that these girls have been together since pre-k and have formed a click"! I'm sorry you are having the same issues, hopefully this won't be the end of the road for us and we head south!

I have never seen schools without "cliques" that were formed by kids that knew each other since pre-K. Why do you think that happens only in DM?

Lemme play Dr. Phil witchu -- the problem is not with Iowans; the problem is your denial that your problm is you.

You don't like Iowans, however irrational that is -- why would you expect them to like you regardless?

[camille563]

Originally Posted by Henry10

I have never seen schools without "cliques" that were formed by kids that knew each other since pre-K. Why do you think that happens only in DM?

Lemme play Dr. Phil witchu -- the problem is not with Iowans; the problem is your denial that your problm is you.

You don't like Iowans, however irrational that is -- why would you expect them to like you regardless?

Your just ridiculous! I never said I didn't like Iowans in fact I said I have met great people! Secondly, of course there are clicks but for school officials to okay it was wrong, allowing students to exclude other children simply because they've formed a click is wrong! Of course the problem is me that comment doesn't surprise me! Typical

[Henry10]

Originally Posted by camille563

Your just ridiculous! I never said I didn't like Iowans in fact I said I have met great people! Secondly, of course there are clicks but for school officials to okay it was wrong, allowing students to exclude other children simply because they've formed a click is wrong! Of course the problem is me that comment doesn't surprise me! Typical

You made 6-7 posts on the first 2 pages that I cared to re-read. You consistently said negative things about people in DM or Midwest in general, only once you said you had met some nice people, but the sentence followed that "majority" suck. You title this thread as people are shady, and you say that you can't wait to get the F out. Yet you want us to believe otherwise?

Are you aware of what you're actually saying and thinking?

Here is another unsolicited advice for you -- change your thinking because it is psychologically affecting the social life of your kids. It's all you lady!! Don't go around looking for culprit and excuses. And you should say "thank you" to people who are honest with you, although painful to your stupid ego. We're trying to help you!

[rugrats2001]

Originally Posted by camille563

I'm from Miami and though people can be rude its still very friendly, strangers will start a conversation that leads to friendship. My sister in fact met her BFF on the train heading to work and that was 11 years ago. I miss culture and diversity I miss hearing people speak Spanish everywhere I go!

If hearing people speak Spanish everywhere is your idea of diversity, then Mexico City must be the most diverse city in the world! Diversity means people DIFFERENT than you, and each other, not the same as you.

A native Iowan 'forced' to move to Miami (as you seem 'forced' to move to Iowa) would look at their culture as a monolithic block of Hispanics, lacking diversity and friendliness, just like you look at Des Moines as a single unfriendly (to you) culture. If you want to be accepted, respect the people who were there before you.

Is little Miami Julio or Juanita going to welcome their new schoolmate, 8 year old Anglo looking, conservatively midwestern dressed, only-English speaking Mary Jane or William to come into their 'click' and play street soccer after school?

What do you think?

I vote not likely.

[camille563]

Originally Posted by Henry10

You made 6-7 posts on the first 2 pages that I cared to re-read. You consistently said negative things about people in DM or Midwest in general, only once you said you had met some nice people, but the sentence followed that "majority" suck. You title this thread as people are shady, and you say that you can't wait to get the F out. Yet you want us to believe otherwise?

Are you aware of what you're actually saying and thinking?

Here is another unsolicited advice for you -- change your thinking because it is psychologically affecting the social life of your kids. It's all you lady!! Don't go around looking for culprit and excuses. And you should say "thank you" to people who are honest with you, although painful to your stupid ego. We're trying to help you!

First of all I'm not looking for excuses you don't even know me,and yes majority of people here do suck, but that's my opinion! You're so quick to put the blame on me like I'm walking around being mean and knocking the city and it's people down which is not the case. I'm always nice respectful even when people are shady. Your statement alone shows the mentality that most people have here. I have lived in many places and Iowa is the only place I have felt different and have been treated the way I have. When I moved here I was excited, my kids were excited we came here with the best of intentions, 4 years later they're still asking when are we going to go back home. So you can stop with the personal attacks

[camille563]

Originally Posted by rugrats2001

If hearing people speak Spanish everywhere is your idea of diversity, then Mexico City must be the most diverse city in the world! Diversity means people DIFFERENT than you, and each other, not the same as you.

A native Iowan 'forced' to move to Miami (as you seem 'forced' to move to Iowa) would look at their culture as a monolithic block of Hispanics, lacking diversity and friendliness, just like you look at Des Moines as a single unfriendly (to you) culture. If you want to be accepted, respect the people who were there before you.

Is little Miami Julio or Juanita going to welcome their new schoolmate, 8 year old Anglo looking, conservatively midwestern dressed, only-English speaking Mary Jane or William to come into their 'click' and play street soccer after school?

What do you think?

I vote not likely.

Yes, I want diversity, in Miami and Atlanta I had friends from everywhere. I didn't mean hearing people talk spanish everywhere as the diversity I wanted.

I laugh because I do know many people in Miami are very rude but they are upfront about it. I'm sure for a midwestern it was culture shock people are very different down there and it's not cut out for everyone just like the midwest is not cut out for everyone.

And actually the kids would be very welcoming because there are more only speaking english people there than you think it even surprises me.

Again, I'm always respectful even if people are rude because I always let the fault be in others. Even in this thread when I'm getting personally attacked for my feelings and opinions. Just like in your post, you feel that Miami people lack culture and diversity thats your opinion. Miami is a city that you either love or hate.

[rugrats2001]

Originally Posted by camille563

Yes, I want diversity, in Miami and Atlanta I had friends from everywhere. I didn't mean hearing people talk spanish everywhere as the diversity I wanted.

-snip-

Again, I'm always respectful even if people are rude because I always let the fault be in others. Even in this thread when I'm getting personally attacked for my feelings and opinions. Just like in your post, you feel that Miami people lack culture and diversity thats your opinion. Miami is a city that you either love or hate.

I don't think anything of the sort. I am from a northern city that bills itself as "The International City", celebrating contributions from nations all over Europe, Asia, Africa, with strong ties to the Puerto Rican and Mexican Hispanic communities.

Miami can be a vibrant, exciting city, albeit with more than its share of danger for the unwary, but it certainly does not lack culture, or even a limited type of diversity.

I think what you are saying is that you find the culture(s) of Miami familiar, exciting, extroverted, and comfortable, like a big ol' dysfunctional family that you love because of its excesses, openness, and familiarity, along with the comforts of the Spanish language.

Conversely, you find Des Moines to be cold, sterile, alien, super-conservative, stodgy, and definitely not inclined (in general) to show a young non-Mexican Hispanic woman and mother a good time (not meant in a bad way) without her becoming something she is not, and doesn't want to become.

Oh, yeah - and it is too darn cold!

I don't blame you for the culture clash. Miami culture is like a mirror of NYC culture. part of that culture can be to mistake rudeness, nastiness, and lack of mental filters for honesty, and feel that people who keep their inner thoughts to themselves as dishonest & 'shady'.