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I believe the OP has more of a relationship issue that needs to be worked out. The difference in views on family economics is most likely just one of the issues.
"Our appliances are 20 years old. Much to my wife’s dismay, I keep fixing them with a $10 part. I am comfortable living this way. I grew up on hand-me-down clothes and I shop in thrift-store shoes. Our quality of life is really good compared to when I was a kid.
This is affecting our overall happiness. Our friends have much nicer homes with stone facades, big bedrooms and hotel-like master bathrooms. Every other neighbor drives a newer Lexus or Audi. Our friends and other people on social media are doing fun things all the time, or at least creating the impression that they’re in the Florida Keys every couple months.
I live in fear. I’m afraid of credit-card debt. I never want to go through that again. I fear that if I bought a $300,000 home in the suburbs I could lose my job next month. People lose their jobs all the time. I don’t want to be one of those people who lost their house due to financial hardship.
I worry that another downturn could happen, and the house would lose a third of its value. I don’t even know if I want to live here for the rest of my life. My issue is more than simply living frugally. It’s an everyday, obsessive worry about money."
This is an interesting article. I think many of us may be in a similar situation. You want to live as cheaply as possible, avoid debt and be free of being controlled.
She wants what her friends have; newer expensive stuff that requires being in debt.
What do you think?
I would like my 20 year old appliances back to be honest, all the newer stuff is crap. You *can't* fix it yourself, unless you count buying a new electronic "module" for $450, for a $650 appliance "fixing it".
There is nothing wrong with some updating in the home, but right now we are in a huge upswing in home prices and record high material prices. I'd almost say it's time to sell, rent, and await the downtown then buy into a nice upgrade, but all the foreign investment into single family homes and Covid-19 has thrown a real unknown into everything. Regardless, there is no need to be "keeping up with the Jones" when the bank may own their place within the next year. Don't follow the lemmings.
Now, what we do not know, and it's probably none of our business, is what field you work in and how secure you are financially. A friend of mine has an uncle that is worth several million, owns his home and several rentals outright, and drives around an old 80's ford pickup in torn jeans and a stained tank top and looks like he might be homeless. He could stand to splurge a little lol.
Another long time friend of the same friend, is one of those guys with the nice house, new diesel 4x4 with fancy wheels, lift, giant exhaust system, new Audi for the Mrs, vacations here and there on the credit cards, in debt to the max, and works in construction. The market tanks and construction comes to a halt like in 2007/2008, they'll lose it all.
Hurts worse to be a spend thrift all your working life, then live to be 100 on SS with exponentially increasing rent. Forcing you to get some peon job with a pimply teenager as your supervisor.
I have enough food to eat, and a rocking chair next to warm fire in winter, no debt and no serious monthly bills to worry about, then I'm all set. The real trick to happiness is to want less but enough to keep your mind pleasantly occupied.
Others need that barn size house with servants, eat every meal out, and chauffered around in limo. More power to them, not the life I ever wanted.
I had couple that were good friends. Worked hard whole life. Both died just before retirement. Him of heart attack and her of cancer. That sucked, really nice people and deserved at least ten to fifteen years of retirement. He kept saying he was just going to play golf in retirement, when he died. I kept thinking, he is going to be so bored so quick as he had been very active man his whole life. But at least he should had chance to find that out. Oh well not sure either were really able to "just take it easy". They were workers.
You continuously put things in an either/or situation. Either self imposed penury, or being a spendthrift. Old beater, or $50K new car. A rocking chair and a warm fire, or servants and limousines.
However, planning for the future by investing the appropriate amount to build enough wealth to sustain a lifestyle you desire is a safe middle ground.
Imposing an ascetic lifestyle upon oneself in the absence of a greater specific goal is pointless.
Being frugal is like investing - it's for long term.
E.g.: if you like hiking, it's better to spend $500 on a pair of hiking boots that will last you for 100 hikes than $70 on ones that will break down after 10 hikes. But if you only hike 3 times a year, then the $70 ones will do you fine and you just buy another $70 pair 3 years later.
You continuously put things in an either/or situation. Either self imposed penury, or being a spendthrift. Old beater, or $50K new car. A rocking chair and a warm fire, or servants and limousines.
However, planning for the future by investing the appropriate amount to build enough wealth to sustain a lifestyle you desire is a safe middle ground.
Imposing an ascetic lifestyle upon oneself in the absence of a greater specific goal is pointless.
You are the one trying to put labels on stuff. And ASSUMING everybody wants to live a kingly iife in old age.
As to car, I said go for the LOWEST COST PER MILE. If buying a new or newer car does that for you, great. Far as I am concerned there is NO NEW CAR that makes sense the few miles I put on a car per year. But hey maybe you put 100k miles a year on a car??? You probably dont want an older model for that. See as you ignore, the devil is in the details and the details do matter. Maybe lease one for few months if needing to go on cross country trip?, whatever. This past year I am sure I probably didnt drive 500 miles total. Most years maybe closer to 1000. What kind of new car makes sense for my minuscule needs? I would be paying insane amount money per mile plus comprohensive insurance. And no, uber/taxi isnt an option out in the boonies. Not sure it would be any cheaper though and more people to deal with means more hassles.
And sounds like you must lust for life of "servants and limos" as touchy as you are on the subject. Hey if you got the doe ray me, and thats what you want, then go for it. Not the kind of life I have ever wanted even if I was some kinda of bazillionaire. I also enjoy working with my hands. Doesnt bother me to fix something long as I can fix it reasonably. Hiring stuff fixed, ups the price considerably and makes replacement more sensible.
If you don't want to work until you're 80 you're in the wrong line of work. I plan to work until I'm 90 if I live that long.
You know what they say about the best laid plans.
As you age, the chance that you will not be able to work gets higher and higher. Before you get to 90, it is likely that you will suffer from health problems that can get in the way, such as a stroke or Alzheimer's.
It's 2021 and you're in Colorado.... but frugality is a long American tradition;
ever read this dictum? (which supposedly originated somewhere in New England)
“Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.”
"Our appliances are 20 years old. Much to my wife’s dismay, I keep fixing them with a $10 part. I am comfortable living this way. I grew up on hand-me-down clothes and I shop in thrift-store shoes. Our quality of life is really good compared to when I was a kid.
This is affecting our overall happiness. Our friends have much nicer homes with stone facades, big bedrooms and hotel-like master bathrooms. Every other neighbor drives a newer Lexus or Audi. Our friends and other people on social media are doing fun things all the time, or at least creating the impression that they’re in the Florida Keys every couple months.
I live in fear. I’m afraid of credit-card debt. I never want to go through that again. I fear that if I bought a $300,000 home in the suburbs I could lose my job next month. People lose their jobs all the time. I don’t want to be one of those people who lost their house due to financial hardship.
I worry that another downturn could happen, and the house would lose a third of its value. I don’t even know if I want to live here for the rest of my life. My issue is more than simply living frugally. It’s an everyday, obsessive worry about money."
This is an interesting article. I think many of us may be in a similar situation. You want to live as cheaply as possible, avoid debt and be free of being controlled.
She wants what her friends have; newer expensive stuff that requires being in debt.
What do you think?
My uncle had this fear and saved every penny he could. He also did this and his house is a disgrace. The conditions are deplorable. Never eat out of his fridge, you don't know how old the food is. The stove, ugh! He never married because he said women like to spend money. We say God wouldn't do that to a woman.
He worried that people were trying to steal from him. He is 90 years old now, he is very depressed and miserable, and says he should have lived a better life. But hey, he has his money!
Think about somebody else, not just about your money.
I know for me and DH, it has always been nice to have yours, mine, and ours money (lets each of us have some control and also have some joint goals). We've never been "Keep up with the Jones" type people" or anything like that, but there is pleasure in having a home you like and take pleasure in (I love our cute little house feeling and think it's just the right amount of space for our family.), updating things occasionally, having reliable appliances and cars, if these are things you can afford.
DH and I usually been pretty much on the same wave length for how much to spend on a house, when to replace things, etc. Thinking it would be great for you and your wife to come to some middle ground with a budget, etc. which includes setting aside monies for retirement and other long term goals. I agree, though, in not taking on debt for a depreciating asset if you can avoid that. And living below your means to a certain extent is a good thing for sure. But being overly frugal isn't going to be good for your marriage. What I really like about a budget and funds for different goals is that it gives you permission to spend on something you've saved up for and can give you some confidence that you could for example manage a certain monthly housing expenditure. A budget is not just for saving.
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