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DNA tests can also dig up closely guarded family secrets, such as an affair or an artificial insemination. And sudden discovery of a health condition can require new medical care — or the realization that there may not be a cure.
Receiving unexpected DNA test results can lead to a mental health crisis for many people...
I have to comment. A grown adoptee should have every right to know their true biological roots. Too bad Mom or Dad feel the need to keep such secrets, sometimes for 50-70 years. I have no empathy at all for birthparents that can't face the consequences of their actions when someone shows up wanting answers.
I agree with you, but apparently there are a lot of people whose selfish curiosity outweighs their concern for anyone else's situation and the harm that could be caused by certain information being made known through a DNA test.
It's not hard to think of situations where a DNA test could cause extreme disruption to several families and destroy relationships between numerous family members, spouses, children, parents, siblings, etc.
It's not the DNA that destroys the relationships, it's the LIES. Be honest. If I gave a child up for adoption, I would be honest about it with the people closest to me.
I’m not changing anything. You just have poor reading comprehension.
I think I’m a ray of sunshine.
LOL! I simply quoted the exact words that you wrote and asked you to explain the obvious discrepancy in the various stories you told. WOW! And you say that I have poor reading comprehension??? The real problem is that you can't keep your stories straight and can't explain why they are different each time you tell them.
It's not the DNA that destroys the relationships, it's the LIES. Be honest. If I gave a child up for adoption, I would be honest about it with the people closest to me.
What if you were raped? Is that really something you want to go sharing with everyone in your family? Something you want to have to relive yet again when the child of that rape you gave up for adoption comes looking for answers? What if the child looks like your rapist? Do you have any idea of how difficult that might be?
Again, I'm not saying the child doesn't deserve to seek those answers out, but there also needs to be some sensitivity and far less assumptions and judgment of the parents. You have no idea what you would do or how you would feel if you were in these types of situations. It doesn't even need to be a rape. People make mistakes, and often it's their family members who shame them into silence to begin with. These are complex situations, it's not fair to judge and shame the parents, or make assumptions - in fact, it's all the judgment, shame, and assumptions that probably make the parents want to keep their secrets to begin with.
What if you were raped? Is that really something you want to go sharing with everyone in your family? Something you want to have to relive yet again when the child of that rape you gave up for adoption comes looking for answers? What if the child looks like your rapist? Do you have any idea of how difficult that might be?
Again, I'm not saying the child doesn't deserve to seek those answers out, but there also needs to be some sensitivity and far less assumptions and judgment of the parents. You have no idea what you would do or how you would feel if you were in these types of situations. It doesn't even need to be a rape. People make mistakes, and often it's their family members who shame them into silence to begin with. These are complex situations, it's not fair to judge and shame the parents, or make assumptions - in fact, it's all the judgment, shame, and assumptions that probably make the parents want to keep their secrets to begin with.
I'm thinking your use of "mistake" is the same as some people questioning their character. Where is the line drawn between using "mistake" and another description of what happened?
What if you were raped? Is that really something you want to go sharing with everyone in your family? Something you want to have to relive yet again when the child of that rape you gave up for adoption comes looking for answers? What if the child looks like your rapist? Do you have any idea of how difficult that might be?
Again, I'm not saying the child doesn't deserve to seek those answers out, but there also needs to be some sensitivity and far less assumptions and judgment of the parents. You have no idea what you would do or how you would feel if you were in these types of situations. It doesn't even need to be a rape. People make mistakes, and often it's their family members who shame them into silence to begin with. These are complex situations, it's not fair to judge and shame the parents, or make assumptions - in fact, it's all the judgment, shame, and assumptions that probably make the parents want to keep their secrets to begin with.
Yes. If I was raped, I would share that info with my spouse, and I would explain to my children when they became adults.
You can't really have an opinion about something you've never experienced. You can create scenarios all day long, but you'll never have to go through life wondering who you are. You just can't comprehend.
Again, it's only in the US where people are treated this way. If you lived in Europe, Asia, South America, Canada (etc.) it doesn't matter if you were raped or how you got pregnant. It doesn't matter if you later married and had more children. If you give up a child for adoption, you know that child will have the right to know who you are when they reach adulthood. Simple. No ifs, ands, or buts.
A friend who was adopted in England requested his information, and not only did he receive the name of his birth mother, but the government agency in charge of it also traced her current address in another country.
You can't really have an opinion about something you've never experienced.
And yet, that's exactly what you're doing.... you've never experienced what the parents went through, yet here you are, having a very judgmental opinion about them.
Quote:
You can create scenarios all day long, but you'll never have to go through life wondering who you are. You just can't comprehend.
And you just can't comprehend what the parents might have gone through. Again, I never said that means the child doesn't have the right to seek out answers, just that there needs to be less judgement of the parents. I'm the one saying we shouldn't judge either sides of this because we haven't experienced it and can't comprehend it. You're the one being extremely judgmental of one side of it and then telling me I can't have an opinion about something I've never experienced... pot, kettle, black.
I very much highly doubt that there are any deep, dark secrets in my own family tree - at least when it comes to my own close relatives. I'm pretty certain that there are no biological siblings that I don't already know about, for instance. Even if a secret sibling popped up at this late date, I would be curious about them, of course, but I can't say that it would blow up my world, either. Again, I think that an unknown sibling would be highly unlikely in my own situation.
Whether there was some infidelity somewhere along the lines in my more distant family tree (aunts, uncles, cousins), who knows? But I don't really consider that to be my business, either.
Do people really feel kinship to a 3rd cousin, twice removed?
Whether there was some infidelity somewhere along the lines in my more distant family tree (aunts, uncles, cousins), who knows? But I don't really consider that to be my business, either.
It’s not something I’ve gone hunting for, but the possibility is interesting when it comes up. The mystery close cousin I mentioned earlier said her father abandoned her family shortly after she was born and that she never knew him. So, reading the room, it did not seem it would be shocking and unwelcome news when I later shared that due to our shared link to another fairly close cousin, her father actually may have been one of my great-great-uncles (which one, I don’t know). I would have treaded far more lightly and been less bold about speculating (reasonable speculation, but speculation all the same) if her family situation had been different.
Ultimately, she didn’t really understand the strong possibility of the source of our connection. The ball’s in her court, and if she ever cares to reach back out, I’d be happy to explore further. She seems like a perfectly nice lady. She just isn’t all that bright.
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