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What do they say: No expectations, no disappointments.
My daughter didn't like the Target stuff I bought her first born, wanted the gap brands, so I quit buying. Gave her money, said You Buy What They Need, you want.
I have tried to evaluate our situation from afar. I realized my daughter in law and her family are giving my son something he is wanting. They live with her aunt for no charge. They constribute some groceries. They have a built in baby sister. How can I compete with that. My daughter is also feeling alientated. She has no contact with her brother. She also feels like DIL is trying to keep us and her at bay. I guess my son is a doormat like you said. I do not judge them or express anything about their lives that I disapprove of. He feels that we are not giving him money that is his right. WELL GUESS WHAT THERE IS NO MONEY. I don't know where he gets this from. My husbands mother died but did not leave extra money to her heirs. We look like we have money I guess because we work hard for our money. Unlike my son and his wife who are now living on unemployement. They are not even trying to look for jobs.
I don't think you get it. I am more than willing to bet this has nothing to do with money. I do agree that your DIL's family is giving something to your son that he is wanting. And I bet that's non-judgement, love, acceptance, etc. But you'll keep saying money because you don't want to admit that maybe you are the problem. I have never known a person to cut their family from their lives for no reason.
I'm sure my mom would love to see her grandkids more too. But she is so damned negative about everything that I really don't want to or like spending time with her. So I don't. Of course she thinks she's just a peach and that I'm the only problem.
Old thread and probably the OP is long gone. But here's how I foxed the issue about not hearing from the kids except when they wanted something. I blanket emailed all 3 of them asking what charity they wanted their mom and I to donate everything to when we die. We get weekly calls ever since and tons of pics of the grand kids- they're 1100 miles away. All I can advise anybody is if you don't like the game being played, don't play at all.
Old thread and probably the OP is long gone. But here's how I foxed the issue about not hearing from the kids except when they wanted something. I blanket emailed all 3 of them asking what charity they wanted their mom and I to donate everything to when we die. We get weekly calls ever since and tons of pics of the grand kids- they're 1100 miles away. All I can advise anybody is if you don't like the game being played, don't play at all.
I can't go there. But I do know I'm LAST on daughter's and grandkids list of importance. They are so busy with college, one applying, sports, one in college now working PT while in college, talks about spending semester in Europe for studies....it never never ends on their busy schedules. Grandgirl 21 finally claled me me yesterday as I still didn't get a thank you call for the xmas money. Told her I have a greenback for her 21st birthday but I can't put it in the mail.
So could be ME, expecting too much or just something from them. I was there with them a LOT when they were growing up. Now I'm on back burner. Just venting, I have to let go and I do, but guess I expect a little more. I know how times have changed, oh how I know. Every other word from them is instagram, facebook etc etc etc...
Oh they live a few miles from me. I've gone thru a major health issue with knee and they don't get it, where I've been and how I feel. And I WILL NOT complain to them.
We have 4 kids and 6 grandchildren. We stop sending birthday money to the grands after 18 because we can’t keep track of their addresses, since they are in college or the Army, and we seldom got a thank you anyway. Since the phone works both ways, and two of the grown grandsons live in our town, but do not come to see us, I figure that the ball is in their court. As someone said, I’ve lowered my expectations.
After years of being loving, non critical grandparents who always say yes, gramps and I think we should not need to try so hard. So we don’t. I should add that our relationships with them are warm and cordial, however the young adults just don’t realize that their time with us is limited...we won’t always be here on the back burner.
The newest grand is a baby, so we will enjoy her while we can, but fully expect that someday, she will disappoint us too.
Old thread and probably the OP is long gone. But here's how I foxed the issue about not hearing from the kids except when they wanted something. I blanket emailed all 3 of them asking what charity they wanted their mom and I to donate everything to when we die. We get weekly calls ever since and tons of pics of the grand kids- they're 1100 miles away. All I can advise anybody is if you don't like the game being played, don't play at all.
This was good.
I found this thread interesting and sad. I have no grandchildren and never will, but my friend is a grandmother and I see how badly some of them treat her. She does have two who are great and want to spend time with her, but her oldest grandson is a horse's ass, IMO.
He is married with 2 kids and just got out of the service after 8 years at a fairly decent rank. Got a good civilian job. But years ago he borrowed $2k from my friend to take a college course, and he won't pay her back.
She sat down and wrote him a letter saying she really needs the money, so could he start paying her $100 a month. In response, she got a brief email saying sorry, but he can't read her handwriting.
The woman gets food stamps. I would have been ashamed to let my grandmother live on food stamps, and even more ashamed if I owed her $2K knowing she was getting public assistance while I lived in a big-ass house and traveled every year. He's obviously waiting it out so she will die without him having to pay her back.
Everybody thinks this kid is some hero. Two tours in Afghanistan, one in Iraq, I think, but screws his own Grandma. I don't think much of him at all.
I found this thread interesting and sad. I have no grandchildren and never will, but my friend is a grandmother and I see how badly some of them treat her. She does have two who are great and want to spend time with her, but her oldest grandson is a horse's ass, IMO.
He is married with 2 kids and just got out of the service after 8 years at a fairly decent rank. Got a good civilian job. But years ago he borrowed $2k from my friend to take a college course, and he won't pay her back.
She sat down and wrote him a letter saying she really needs the money, so could he start paying her $100 a month. In response, she got a brief email saying sorry, but he can't read her handwriting.
The woman gets food stamps. I would have been ashamed to let my grandmother live on food stamps, and even more ashamed if I owed her $2K knowing she was getting public assistance while I lived in a big-ass house and traveled every year. He's obviously waiting it out so she will die without him having to pay her back.
Everybody thinks this kid is some hero. Two tours in Afghanistan, one in Iraq, I think, but screws his own Grandma. I don't think much of him at all.
What a jerk! I know she must be embarrassed by how he is treating her, and ignoring his debt, but perhaps she should "out" him to his parents and the other grandchildren. At least she should let her family know the severity of her financial situation.
Since the friend apparently has no relationship with soldier boy, she needs to write his commanding officer a letter requesting payment. She'll get paid pretty quick then. The military doesn't put up with deadbeats.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TrapperL
Since the friend apparently has no relationship with soldier boy, she needs to write his commanding officer a letter requesting payment. She'll get paid pretty quick then. The military doesn't put up with deadbeats.
What a jerk! I know she must be embarrassed by how he is treating her, and ignoring his debt, but perhaps she should "out" him to his parents and the other grandchildren. At least she should let her family know the severity of her financial situation.
That's what I said--say something to your daughter, this guy's mother. She said she did, and the daughter just says she doesn't want to hear it, that it's between her mother and her son.
There are issues between mother and daughter, also. LOL, the daughter owns a florist shop. Her mother got no flowers for her 75th birthday, and she doesn't get any for Mother's Day or any other occasion, either. There's this passive-aggressive hostility thing going on. If the mother makes any mention of financial difficulty, the daughter blows her off as exaggerating. It appears to me that the problems between mother and daughter go way back. It's on both sides. I've heard the mother say some pretty awful things to the daughter, too.
Which could be part of the problem in some situations. The kids pick up on the relationship problems between their parents and their grandparents. My own mother and my paternal grandmother did not like each other, and we kids knew it. I was very careful as a child never to say how much fun I had at Nana's house in front of my mother.
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