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I've seen on a lot of threads here that a lot of people seem to be pressured by their parents to have kids (especially women). Their parents seem to be dead set on being grandparents.
But I have to ask: why? I can understand wanting kids, I myself would like kids (but not for a long time!!). But I'm pretty indifferent about grandkids.
So what's the deal? You'd think the whole "gotta have little ones" thing would go away after you've produced your litter.
Not even close. There is no reason to pressure your kids to have children and I did not and have not. IMO better to enjoy your youth while you have it and the kids can come in time when getting drunk and falling off a cliff you just climbed because it was there are a "been there done" that situation. On the other hand grandkids are great, you get many of the perks and joys that kids bring but few of the responsibilities or just plain work that raising a child bring. In other words for us old pathetic people grandkids are for the most part a win win. Who doesn't like win win?
My mom pressures me into having children. She says she can't wait to spoil the grandkids. I'm convinced she will love them more than she loved me... I was not spoiled growing up and my mom was very strict and always serious with my siblings and I. But, you should see her light up when it comes to my neice (her first grand daughter). It's not fair because I never had grand parents that spoiled me.
Grandkids are more fun than having your own kids? You can spoil them, play with them, and when they cry/poop/get sick just hand them back to their parents.
I've seen on a lot of threads here that a lot of people seem to be pressured by their parents to have kids (especially women). Their parents seem to be dead set on being grandparents.
But I have to ask: why? I can understand wanting kids, I myself would like kids (but not for a long time!!). But I'm pretty indifferent about grandkids.
So what's the deal? You'd think the whole "gotta have little ones" thing would go away after you've produced your litter.
There are so many different reasons, and I'm sure you'll hear them all on this thread. It's an interesting question. It's once removed from having "your own" children, including adopting "your own" children, so the dynamics really are interesting.
That said, my oldest son is about to turn 25 (oh my GOD) and I am definitely not pressuring him to have children. I never will. I love babies. But I know how serious and how difficult it is to be a parent. It's rewarding, yes. But it is not for everyone and it is a serious, serious, serious commitment. If my son doesn't want to take that on, that's fine! I can always volunteer at the hospital in the baby ward & cuddle all the babies I want.
My two littler ones were born when I was an "older" mom and they may not reach having-kids age by the time I die, if they, say, wait until they're 30-ish. Does the thought make me sad? Not for me...I'll be dead, I won't know anything is going on at all. For them: yes, that would be so sad, not to have Gramma. But hopefully they would have a Gramma on the other side...and in the long run, nothing is guaranteed.
In the final analysis, it isn't my business to tell my adult children how to live their lives and what 20+ year commitments they make. I just want them to be happy.
I agree JerZ but it seems a lot of parents don't see it that way. Just like juniper said, they get to play with a little kid and "spoil" them (why is that a fun thing?) but don't have any of the actual responsibilities that come with raising a kid, responsibilities they are quite familiar with.
I agree JerZ but it seems a lot of parents don't see it that way. Just like juniper said, they get to play with a little kid and "spoil" them (why is that a fun thing?) but don't have any of the actual responsibilities that come with raising a kid, responsibilities they are quite familiar with.
Right, but there are tons of things your parents have wanted "for you"...right? They wanted a certain girlfriend because she would have been just "perfect" and they brought her name up about a thousand times for five years after the two of you broke up. They wanted you to cut your hair a certain way, wear certain clothes and have a certain major in college and from now until your deathbed, Grandma will still be moaning that if only you'd become an accountant, you'd have avoided this or that financial trouble and after *she's* gone, Mom will pick up that baton and run with it for the following 25 years. They think your career would be better if you did XYZ. They think that tiny little apartment is too cramped for you or that that huge apartment is too ostentatious for you or that house you bought isn't in the best area and wasn't it a little premature to buy a house *now*, in your financial circumstances (or *now*, when it won't appreciate for years)...or they think the fact that you haven't bought a house yet is going to halt your efforts in finding "a good woman" and settling down...or...or...or...or...or.
Do you worry about all these things too? Or do you just ignore them and go ahead and do what *you* feel is best?
Being CF is totally fine. Why wouldn't it be? But the CF drama gets under my skin once in a while. It seems to be this "But people who *do* have kids don't get yelled at by society" thing. The hell we don't! Everybody does something at some point (or doesn't do something) that his or her entire extended family, at the very least, disapproves of and will bring up at every...flarking...family...gathering...from now until the end of time. Your career, your sexual orientation, your choice of a mate, where you live, moving away from "the family," going into the military or not, my God but the list is endless. Dudes, everyone has to deal with "what society wants" -- and sometimes on a very serious level, to the point of arguments that break up parts of families. It's not just you.
I think because grandchildren are a part of you and it's kinda nice knowing part of you will live on after you're gone. I would like to have grandchildren someday, I have one child, but I would never pressure her into it.
JerZ I think you're misreading me, I don't feel one way or the other about having kids. Yeah I'd love to see the soccer games, see the graduations, see the weddings etc, but it's not something I think about.
Like I said I've just noticed that a lot of people are pressured by their parents to have children and I've always wondered why.
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I just want them to be happy.
