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I can see it would be frustrating that the grandparents seem to prefer the other grandkids to yours. But you do not know the reason and you shouldn't ask. It could be that they don't want to deal with kids of that age, they may have more attachments to their daughter than your husband, etc. In any case, they don't owe you anything. It would be nice for you to get a date night, but you don't "deserve" it at the expense of their time and efforts. Hope you are able to find someone else to babysit.
oh wow! I've never known anyone to have their kids in the room. I'm glad it worked out.
My oldest (who was 6) was in the birthing room with her dad and I when her sister was born. I was induced and had an epidural, so there was no pain or drama. We watched cartoons and played connect the dots (dad was asleep until the important part), then the nurse came in and said, "Time to push". She was the first one to hold her sister. The nurse practioner at my OB/GYN talked to her beforehand, though, to make sure she was mature enough to handle it. This was 21 years ago.
I wish I had something helpful to say. My kids are older (preteens) and I would still have a big problem having a complete stranger watch them. That said, ask around. Surely somebody you at least casually know goes to church? See if one of their nursery workers is looking for extra work. Find someone and have them come "help" with the kids while you are still at home, say, working in another part of the house. Do this until you are comfortable. As for the baby's birth, I can only hope your inlaws will see the urgency of this and step up. Remembering when I gave birth to my now 8 y.o., no way would i have had my high maintenance 3 y.o. at the hospital with me. I would have sooner given birth alone while dh stayed home with him!
We have tried the hire a teen sitter route, with little luck. One teen didn't change my daughter's diaper. Another had a meltdown and called me bawling, because my daughter was fighting with her brother over the TV. The two other good ones we found, daughters of friends, just lived a too far away to be practical.
It is a very difficult situation that are in ourselves, since dh's sister married a guy who already had an infant, and then had another with him. My mother is dependent on pain meds, and my dad and stepmom (who passed away a year ago) were always too sick. DH's mom was a wonderful help with my son when he was the only grandkid. I never expected help or took advantage, but she was kind to offer to take him for date nights and one anniversary weekend per year. Then SIL began having marital problems. They had a prolonged divorce, and lived with my inlaws for a year. During this time, my kids were scarcely even invited over to play, because kids get on FIL's nerves. My kids would notice that their cousins got to spend the night with grandma all the time, but they NEVER could.
SIL has moved out. MIL is still the after school daycare, and she travels all summer. She will get my kids a little bit, like two hours at a time, until she has decided they will annoy FIL or be in the way of his TV watching. They have two vacation homes, one of which is pretty nearby, but have never taken my kids with them. My kids have to watch their friends go on vacations with, and spend summers and weekends having fun with grandparents. And they just don't get to do that. I am quite bitter about it.
I keep seeing comments on here about grandparents not being obligated to do ANY babysitting. If you break things down in a very simple way, that's true. But, barring any health problems, work obligations, etc, most loving grandparents actually WANT to watch their grandkids as long as they aren't being asked to do so too often. I do not at all think grandparents should give up their retirement years to be free daycare, but what is wrong with the occasional Saturday night? Every couple friend around us has grandparents who are EAGER to take kids for overnights/roadtrips, help a little buying school clothes. I can say that watching the grandparents shower the other grandkids with time, attention, and help buying stuff for them is frustrating. Especially when we have asked for next to nothing in the 11 yrs 9 mos since the oldest was born.
I doubt confronting them, even in a very nice way, would change anything. Am I right they are more attentive to their daughter's kids than they are you their son's (your) kids? That may be the issue right there.
I don't think any body should expect grandparents to offer free babysitting. Yes it would be nice for you but remember there are a gazillion couples who live without relatives close by for sitting. We either don't go out or we hire sitters.
I was very lucky. I had great parents who loved my kids and loved watching them. When my second was born, they took the first and kept her. Before my third was born, my marriage was breaking up, and I moved back in with my Mom and Dad, so they helped me (it was their idea, and I was very grateful to have their help) By they way, I read one post about a quick labor....mine were all relatively quick as well. The first was the longest at 4 hours, the second in 45 minutes, the third in a half hour. I agree to look for a teenager with great references. Happy birthing and best of luck!
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