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It's not about dropping everything and being at someone's beck & call, it's about a last minute change of plans over a DOG. As for empathy--I'm sorry, but a dog dying doesn't deserve that much empathy. It's a DOG for crying out loud. Someone who loves their dog (or cat) that much is just plain crazy if you ask me.
For crying out loud, it's someone ELSE's baby... a HEALTHY baby, with TWO parents. TWO parents with a HEALTHTY baby doesn't deserve that much empathy.
Parents can be nutty with a newborn. Mommy needs to simmer down.
I guess I'm lucky that in my family we are ALL dog people.
My dog is dying of cancer too, so that's probably why I feel the way I do, but thankfully my kiddos are all on the same page as me. We all "worship" that little furbaby.
If someone is not willing to take care of their own dying pet, then they shouldn't have a pet. I'm not sure I understand your train of thought. You seemed to agree with me up thread. Now you've changed your tune.
Oh, you're the one I somewhat agreed with? Oh, okay, I will be happy to clarify.
We agree on how the original poster would be upset at the sudden change of plans. I agreed with you about how you said you'd have the dog put down and then go see your grandchild. So far, so good.
I have no problem with that. I don't even have a problem with someone feeling a certain element of sadness at their pet's illness and seeing a responsible & gentle resolution towards the ending. What I am saying is that the mother/grandmother's actions (same person, different role depending on whom we're talking about--her grown child/new mother or the resulting new baby) remind me a lot--maybe I'm extrapolating too much?--of many other people I know about and/or hear of that put their pet on such a pedestal their pet is practically equal to their human friends & family, which I strongly disagree with and even detest.
There's nothing wrong with loving your pet and certainly being responsible with its care, but where I come from you don't DARE put them in even the same solar system, let alone the same planet, compared to your family/friends, not even if your pet is dying. Your family & friends are your family & friends, a pet is an animal. MAJOR difference.
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress
For crying out loud, it's someone ELSE's baby... a HEALTHY baby, with TWO parents. TWO parents with a HEALTHTY baby doesn't deserve that much empathy.
Parents can be nutty with a newborn. Mommy needs to simmer down.
And if that is the attitude being shown (not that it is), then when the grandmother later on wants to see the baby, then mommy would be fully in her rights to say "no, not your baby, it's MY baby, you have no rights here" and slam the phone down. If the baby really is HER baby, then there you have it--she does all the work apparently, then others can't complain when they want to enjoy all of the FUN of the baby only to be told no because they weren't interested in helping out any. As Will Smith said, "if you're absent during my struggle, don't expect to be present during my success."
That said, the mother was there the first time, so that wouldn't apply here, but I certainly could understand the young mother saying to her older mother, in the right tone, about how it sort of hurt her feelings that she was basically dissed over a dog, even if it is a dog that was dying and precious, and clear that misunderstanding up. Don't throw out a good relationship over one time where she thinks her mother failed her. We all fail each other on occasion, no one's perfect.
Oh, you're the one I somewhat agreed with? Oh, okay, I will be happy to clarify.
We agree on how the original poster would be upset at the sudden change of plans. I agreed with you about how you said you'd have the dog put down and then go see your grandchild. So far, so good.
I have no problem with that. I don't even have a problem with someone feeling a certain element of sadness at their pet's illness and seeing a responsible & gentle resolution towards the ending. What I am saying is that the mother/grandmother's actions (same person, different role depending on whom we're talking about--her grown child/new mother or the resulting new baby) remind me a lot--maybe I'm extrapolating too much?--of many other people I know about and/or hear of that put their pet on such a pedestal their pet is practically equal to their human friends & family, which I strongly disagree with and even detest.
There's nothing wrong with loving your pet and certainly being responsible with its care, but where I come from you don't DARE put them in even the same solar system, let alone the same planet, compared to your family/friends, not even if your pet is dying. Your family & friends are your family & friends, a pet is an animal. MAJOR difference.
And if that is the attitude being shown (not that it is), then when the grandmother later on wants to see the baby, then mommy would be fully in her rights to say "no, not your baby, it's MY baby, you have no rights here" and slam the phone down. If the baby really is HER baby, then there you have it--she does all the work apparently, then others can't complain when they want to enjoy all of the FUN of the baby only to be told no because they weren't interested in helping out any. As Will Smith said, "if you're absent during my struggle, don't expect to be present during my success."
That said, the mother was there the first time, so that wouldn't apply here, but I certainly could understand the young mother saying to her older mother, in the right tone, about how it sort of hurt her feelings that she was basically dissed over a dog, even if it is a dog that was dying and precious, and clear that misunderstanding up. Don't throw out a good relationship over one time where she thinks her mother failed her. We all fail each other on occasion, no one's perfect.
You're investing more time in the thread than the OP, who hasn't returned.
People who commit themselves to pets, especially the elderly and sick ones, tend to be caring and empathetic. That grandmother will have plenty of love to lavish on their grandchild, and even some for the parents, when the obligation she undertook when she became a pet owner is settled.
You don't agree with the grandmother's choice, fine. But you won't change the mind of many of us who believe she made that choice, not to hurt her daughter's feelings, but to ensure her pet's peaceful passing.
And if that is the attitude being shown (not that it is), then when the grandmother later on wants to see the baby, then mommy would be fully in her rights to say "no, not your baby, it's MY baby, you have no rights here" and slam the phone down.
If the baby really is HER baby, then there you have it--she does all the work apparently, then others can't complain when they want to enjoy all of the FUN of the baby only to be told no because they weren't interested in helping out any.
This is an overreaction so grossly over the top I'm not even sure how to respond.
Choosing to be a parent comes with the responsibility of taking care of YOUR baby. This is how it works for every species of the animal kingdom. You had it. It's yours. Grandparenting is very often about seeing the baby for fun visits, rather than being there for the daily grind of parenting. They already did that when they raised the parent herself!
If the grandmother was the sort who would say, "Oh? The dog is dying? No biggie. It's just a dog. I'll just leave it here to suffer, alone, dying slowly, and come do your laundry because I don't care what it experiences during the process. I have no attachment to it, no ability to empathize, and no ability to feel love," then I would be seriously concerned about leaving a child alone around her... yikes.
This extremely gracious grandmother has not only gone above and beyond to help her daughter out with the first child, but also did the same for the second child, needing a break only when her beloved dog was dying. For the daughter to be so callous as to expect her to drop everything and be at her beck and call for laundry services so she could sleep and not offer a hint of sympathy over the condition of her beloved pet was either very self-centered, or under the crazy-making effect of pregnancy hormones and not enough sleep. I can only assume it's the latter because I can't imagine what kind of daughter would treat her mother that way.
Last edited by Jaded; 02-21-2014 at 10:41 AM..
Reason: Removed deleted post
I would say the grandmother, with the 1st child, did something that is very par for the course, not to say one is ENTITLED to it nor should the grandmother not be applauded, but let's not make her out to be some hero who did something very extraordinary and rare. She did what many wonderful grandmothers have done and, let's hope, are still doing.
The young mother, used to this, thus asked for the help again, and was told yes again, but plans were changed last minute. That's fine in & of itself, but the plans were over a DOG. That is why the young mother is confused--dying or not, you chose a dog over family? Maybe the mother didn't really do that per se, as others have suggested, but that she thinks so seems very understandable. I'd be confused too.
I would say the grandmother, with the 1st child, did something that is very par for the course, not to say one is ENTITLED to it nor should the grandmother not be applauded, but let's not make her out to be some hero who did something very extraordinary and rare. She did what many wonderful grandmothers have done and, let's hope, are still doing.
The young mother, used to this, thus asked for the help again, and was told yes again, but plans were changed last minute. That's fine in & of itself, but the plans were over a DOG. That is why the young mother is confused--dying or not, you chose a dog over family? Maybe the mother didn't really do that per se, as others have suggested, but that she thinks so seems very understandable. I'd be confused too.
You don't get it, you won't get it, so should you become a mother, I do hope you have a grandmother in your life who is willing to drop everything, regardless of the personal cost to herself and her responsibilities, to handle your laundry.
Oh, you're the one I somewhat agreed with? Oh, okay, I will be happy to clarify.
We agree on how the original poster would be upset at the sudden change of plans. I agreed with you about how you said you'd have the dog put down and then go see your grandchild. So far, so good.
I have no problem with that. I don't even have a problem with someone feeling a certain element of sadness at their pet's illness and seeing a responsible & gentle resolution towards the ending. What I am saying is that the mother/grandmother's actions (same person, different role depending on whom we're talking about--her grown child/new mother or the resulting new baby) remind me a lot--maybe I'm extrapolating too much?--of many other people I know about and/or hear of that put their pet on such a pedestal their pet is practically equal to their human friends & family, which I strongly disagree with and even detest.
There's nothing wrong with loving your pet and certainly being responsible with its care, but where I come from you don't DARE put them in even the same solar system, let alone the same planet, compared to your family/friends, not even if your pet is dying. Your family & friends are your family & friends, a pet is an animal. MAJOR difference.
And if that is the attitude being shown (not that it is), then when the grandmother later on wants to see the baby, then mommy would be fully in her rights to say "no, not your baby, it's MY baby, you have no rights here" and slam the phone down. If the baby really is HER baby, then there you have it--she does all the work apparently, then others can't complain when they want to enjoy all of the FUN of the baby only to be told no because they weren't interested in helping out any. As Will Smith said, "if you're absent during my struggle, don't expect to be present during my success."
That said, the mother was there the first time, so that wouldn't apply here, but I certainly could understand the young mother saying to her older mother, in the right tone, about how it sort of hurt her feelings that she was basically dissed over a dog, even if it is a dog that was dying and precious, and clear that misunderstanding up. Don't throw out a good relationship over one time where she thinks her mother failed her. We all fail each other on occasion, no one's perfect.
You are bringing a preconceived idea into this thread that isn't here.
When my in-laws cancelled their plans to visit last summer because their dog was dying, I didn't bat an eye. I wish they'd have decided sooner, but that's a different story. They didn't want their dog to die while they were gone, and have a neighbor have to deal with it. I thought it was a perfectly valid excuse.
I think without the postpartum hormones, the OP wouldn't even have posted here.
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If someone is not willing to take care of their own dying pet, then they shouldn't have a pet. I'm not sure I understand your train of thought. You seemed to agree with me up thread. Now you've changed your tune.
Excrement happens.
