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Okay, so I am going to be a grandma in a month from now. I am not that excited about it but I probably will be when the time comes. In any event, my son is having a baby shower for his girl. I have a little bit of anxieties because I don't deal well being around large groups of people to which most I don't know. Its a party with music and drinks and will be carried well into 10 pm. I know its not my party but I wish it was held at an earlier time. My problem is ofcourse the large crowds and having people or family of my side poking fun at me about being a grandma or asking me stupid questions such as "So, how does it feel to be a grandma?" when I am not yet. I am not a social person. In fact I am very shy and I fear that in addition to all this, my moms cousin is going to try to push me to host the crowd rather than be behind the scenes and help out in any way that I can. I will be cooking and serving food and I really don't want to be in a situation where I am going to have to put my cousin in her place and tell her not to tell me what to do. Do you guys think I am making a big stink about this?
Well, yes, a bit. It's rather unusual for the father-to-be to host the baby shower for starters. But, beyond that, it's only for a few short hours, and surely you can make it through. This isn't about you, it isn't a "Grandmother" shower, it's for your soon to be grandchild. Just keep yourself busy dealing with the food and drink, and enlist a trusted friend or relative to help and provide support for your anxiety. There shouldn't be much focus on you at all. You can do this, and you'll be glad you did.
Keep reminding yourself that this is not about you- it's about the mom-to be. Take a nap in the early afternoon so you'll be able to stay up for what to you seems late. Stay in the back ground as much as you like.
You'll probably find the mom to be's mother doing most of the actually hosting and the mom to be's friends and closest relatives backing her up, helping with opening gifts, etc. I doubt anyone is going to focus on you.
Go, enjoy yourself. It's only for a few hours, you'll get though it. Don't worry about what questions people will ask.
Keep reminding yourself that this is not about you- it's about the mom-to be. Take a nap in the early afternoon so you'll be able to stay up for what to you seems late. Stay in the back ground as much as you like.
You'll probably find the mom to be's mother doing most of the actually hosting and the mom to be's friends and closest relatives backing her up, helping with opening gifts, etc. I doubt anyone is going to focus on you.
Go, enjoy yourself. It's only for a few hours, you'll get though it. Don't worry about what questions people will ask.
OP, I agree with willow wind. Just go to the celebration, do what you can to help, and have fun.
Most people will be focusing on the new parents and as the mother of the future baby's father you will probably be able to stay in the background (if that is your comfort zone). Just keep a smile on your face and have a stock phrase such as "I'm delighted that Jenny & John are having a baby" or "I'm looking forward to holding my first grandchild" or whatever is appropriate when people ask your feelings about being a grandmother.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tacere
How does your son feel about your lack of excitement? It would kill me to see my parents being "meah" about my baby.
It would "kill you" if your parents were "meah" about your baby? Hmmm, that sounds a little dramatic.
Obviously, I don't know your situation or the OP's situation, but IMHO, there is a big difference between not wanting to spend every minute of every day focused on your adult child's pregnancy/new baby (as some people expect of the new grandparents) and having a new grandchildren be just one part (perhaps a very exciting part but just a part) of their full adult lives.
As an example, the 20 something daughter of one of my co-workers fully expected her mother AND father (the future grandparents) as well as her husband to take off of work and to go with her to each and every doctor's appointment during her normal pregnancy (and every shopping trip for baby items, and every new baby activity, and assist in all the decorating of the nursery, etc, etc).
When the grandparents expressed that although they were excited about the baby they couldn't go with her to all of her routine checkups (plus all of the other things) the adult daughter accused them of "not caring" about her and her child. The daughter was pretty mad at her parents about it. Sheesh! My co-worker was very excited about becoming a grandparent and talked about it often but some children just expect too much.
Last edited by germaine2626; 02-13-2015 at 11:08 AM..
Lack of excrement does not translate into going to all the checkups. In reality, I wouldn't want anyone but myself and the baby's father there. Lack of excitement is exactly what it sounds: "yeah, I'll be a grandmother, meah, no big deal".
Obviously, I don't know your situation or the OP's situation, but IMHO, there is a big difference between not wanting to spend every minute of every day focused on your adult child's pregnancy/new baby (as some people expect of the new grandparents) and having a new grandchildren be just one part (perhaps a very exciting part but just a part) of their full adult lives.
As an example, the 20 something daughter of one of my co-workers fully expected her mother AND father (the future grandparents) as well as her husband to take off of work and to go with her to each and every doctor's appointment during her normal pregnancy (and every shopping trip for baby items, and every new baby activity, and assist in all the decorating of the nursery, etc, etc).
When the grandparents expressed that although they were excited about the baby they couldn't go with her to all of her routine checkups (plus all of the other things) the adult daughter accused them of "not caring" about her and her child. The daughter was pretty mad at her parents about it. Sheesh! My co-worker was very excited about becoming a grandparent and talked about it often but some children just expect too much.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tacere
Lack of excrement does not translate into going to all the checkups. In reality, I wouldn't want anyone but myself and the baby's father there. Lack of excitement is exactly what it sounds: "yeah, I'll be a grandmother, meah, no big deal".
I was just pointing out that "lack of excitement" may mean very different things to different people.
My coworkers daughter truly thought that her parents were "not excited" because they did not want to go to every exam, on every shopping trip, etc. etc. (BTW, it got even worse after the baby was born). I am typical "grandparent age" and it happens more often than you may imagine.
Okay, so I am going to be a grandma in a month from now. I am not that excited about it but I probably will be when the time comes. In any event, my son is having a baby shower for his girl. I have a little bit of anxieties because I don't deal well being around large groups of people to which most I don't know. Its a party with music and drinks and will be carried well into 10 pm. I know its not my party but I wish it was held at an earlier time. My problem is ofcourse the large crowds and having people or family of my side poking fun at me about being a grandma or asking me stupid questions such as "So, how does it feel to be a grandma?" when I am not yet. I am not a social person. In fact I am very shy and I fear that in addition to all this, my moms cousin is going to try to push me to host the crowd rather than be behind the scenes and help out in any way that I can. I will be cooking and serving food and I really don't want to be in a situation where I am going to have to put my cousin in her place and tell her not to tell me what to do. Do you guys think I am making a big stink about this?
Congratulations! Your son is about to be a father. You are going to have a baby in your life. He knows your reluctance,and is hosting the celebration. Go, have a good time, and leave early.
Your son and his partner already know your personality, and have acted accordingly. Relax, enjoy, and have a good time.
It is time to try out your new moniker. Grandma, Nana, Nona..... the possibilities are endless.
Wishing your grandchild a healthy life OP.
Moderator cut: delete
Last edited by Miss Blue; 04-30-2015 at 07:23 AM..
Reason: orphaned response
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