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I don't think you should ever expect or anticipate a grandparent will provide child care, no matter what age. So don't factor that into your decisions.
I am 30 and still single and childless, my dad is 66 and my mom is almost 63. One or both of my parents could be into their 70s or even well into their 70s, possibly even 80, when my future kids are still in need of childcare. Is it a reasonable concern that they may be less able to help me out at all? I would think that a 75-year-old is less able to handle little kids than a 35-year-old. Is this fair?
Probably, if you are needing daily child care. I am 70 and DH is 75. We will keep our grands overnight and we kept them over three days once. They are 9 and 5. We made sure we had time to recuperate after. And we planned some activities. And I insisted they lie down for a bit during the day, even though they do not like doing that.
But we would never provide daily care for them. It ties us down too much and we frankly don't have the energy we need for that. The kids need someone younger and more energetic than we are.
Ok, I seem to have been misunderstood. I am not expecting them to provide care, I am only considering whether it might be worth living closer to them if they want to provide some amount of care. Of course if they say no, then that's that. And of course I won't have kids if I can't take care of them. But being able to take care of them all the time doesn't mean it wouldn't be nice to have a break from time to time.
Ok, I seem to have been misunderstood. I am not expecting them to provide care, I am only considering whether it might be worth living closer to them if they want to provide some amount of care. Of course if they say no, then that's that. And of course I won't have kids if I can't take care of them. But being able to take care of them all the time doesn't mean it wouldn't be nice to have a break from time to time.
Of course it's nice to get a break, and we were fortunate that my parents offered to watch our kids so we could get away. They did the same for all their other grandchildren too. But we would not have expected, or even wanted them to provide regular care. They were enjoying the retirement they earned.
So, live close if you want to give your kids the benefit of regular contact with their grandparents, but not just so the grandparents can babysit.
I work with a man who just turned 70. He's in good shape overall, and he is crazy about his 2.5 yr old grandson. He was out sick all last week, and he blames it on the most recent ailment his gs brought home from nursery school. He said that as much as they hate to limit their babysitting time, he and his wife have realized they are not the best choice when the child has a cold or virus.
Why do you think your parents should "help you out?" You're going to be well over 30 years old - you still need your parents' "help" with your kids? How so?
Here's a novel idea - you take care of your own kids and just allow your elderly parents to enjoy the relationship with their grandkids without the responsibility of caring for them. You can do that, can't you? Everybody wins!
It would have never occurred to me to expect my parents to commit to helping me take care of my kids at those ages. Thankfully I had children in my twenties and am the oldest of the siblings so my parents were grandparents to youngsters in their 50s and early 60s. They were great grandparents by their early 70s. I cannot imagine them being burdened by actual child care responsibilities at that age.
Heck, I am a grandmother in my 50s and while I am more than willing to babysit WHEN IT'S CONVENIENT TO ME, I would not want to commit to regular babysitting for hours and hours every week. I did my time. No one helped me. I expected to take care of my own kids myself.
She never said she expected it on an on-going regular basis. I don't see the need for the attitude.
Ok, I seem to have been misunderstood. I am not expecting them to provide care, I am only considering whether it might be worth living closer to them if they want to provide some amount of care. Of course if they say no, then that's that. And of course I won't have kids if I can't take care of them. But being able to take care of them all the time doesn't mean it wouldn't be nice to have a break from time to time.
It's a valid concern, but not one you should plan having kids around. My parents were grand parents in their late 50's. They've slowed down considerably in the last several years.
First don't presume you will have kids.
Second, as others echoed, you should plan childcare like no grandparents will be around.
If I would have had kid, I would have faced the same situation. But likewise, wouldn't be counting on it. It depends on the person. Some grandparents do enjoy them more. My late MILl seemed to enjoy , but i imagine it got tiresome living with them. Even when she moved out. ey were constantly at her place, at least one of the two. When BIL twins turned 2, she was in the nursing home in he late 60s She passed at almost 71. MIL was divorced.
My own grandfather was 70 when I was born. I stayed with him and step-granny some, maybe two or three times a year. My brother would have been too young. We were the only two on that side, but they never baby sat as they ran the furniture store we own now. I dont think my parent would have expected that.
My mother turned 80 recently and dad 75. More people have kids in their 40s now. I could have easily had kids in my early 40s, and I thought about the ramifications in that area. And as echoed above, longevity is unpredictable and while i imagine they wouldn't likely turn a grand down, but i would never have expected regular babysitting regardless of grandparents' age. In emergency yes, but never as a daily obligation.
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