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Ok, I seem to have been misunderstood. I am not expecting them to provide care, I am only considering whether it might be worth living closer to them if they want to provide some amount of care. Of course if they say no, then that's that. And of course I won't have kids if I can't take care of them. But being able to take care of them all the time doesn't mean it wouldn't be nice to have a break from time to time.
That bolded line really rubs me the wrong way- you'd only consider living near them if they are willing to provide some care and you deem them non-senile enough to provide it?
Grandparents who provide loving care to grandchildren are worth their weight in gold, but allowing your kids time with grandparents (whether you are there or not) is priceless. Live where you want to live, have kids when you want to have kids, and if the grandparents are around and able and willing to provide care- BONUS!
I never lived near my family or my husband's family after we had kids. I would have loved to live closer, but it wasn't in the cards at those times. We visited when we could and say kids love the time they've spend with grandparents. My mom was in her late 60s when she watched my young kids (3 of them) for a week while I attended a training across the country. In her mid 70s, my mom watches my nieces and nephews (3-6 years old) regularly. My fil would not have been good at watching any kids even in his 60s. He likes to spend time with grandchildren, but he's not the best at watching them.
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How old or senile is too old/senile to "grandparent"?
To "grandparent"- to be a grandparent to kids- is fine at any age. Taking care of young kids on their own is a different thing, and that depends on many factors beyond age.
Many of the posters responding to your post are very negative and not helpful. I get what you are asking. People need help with their kids and it often comes from grandparents, not necessarily full time but every now and then for a day or sleep over. I am in my late 30's and my mom is 57. She is very active, enjoys her grandkids and offers to take them frequently. She also has a full time job and still loves to help out whenever I ask. If she's available, she will help. She is not always available tho and we live 35 mins away from each other so its not always convenient for her to babysit. My son is 3 and full of beans. My husbands parents are roughly 65 and I don't trust them with my son. His dad has major anger issues and his mom is completely out to lunch; she can't follow a conversation, can't follow any kind of direction and says the most odd things. She also is a helicopter grandma and freaks out about everything. His Dad has heart problems and his mom for whatever reason cannot run. So neither of them are physically able to watch my son who is a fast runner. They want to help all the time and I am not OK with it. I wish they were more capable as the help would be more welcomed but I can't trust them when they don't listen and are miserable and loney! It's not a healthy environment for my son to be in. SO really, It depends on if your parents are willing to help and how comfortable you feel with their abilities to help whether they want to or not.
No, you should not expect your parents to provide child care, although they may want to help out now and then. Older adults also develop arthritis and it really hurts. Thankfully, they have already raised their own children. And by the way, that arthritis thing...it happens to everyone. Everybody gets it, if they are fortunate enough to live long enough. So you see, it's not just about mental acuity.
What is your priority? Do you want your child/Ren to have a rich and rewarding relationship with their grandparents or you want them available to make your life easier.
I agree that some posters, imo, might very possibly be taking the OP the wrong way.
My husband and I are in our 60's, and our three grandkids live in a fairly rural location about 250 miles away from us, so we end up babysitting when our daughter (divorced) wants to come to the "big city" where we live for a mini-vacation. We enjoy our grandkids, so we don't mind doing this, but even at our ages and although we are in good health (knock wood), very young children can be exhausting. However, we would appreciate if she would take our feelings into account if she ever considered moving a thousand miles away, for example.
I would, however, very much resent it if she just expected us to babysat at her beck and call, but I don't think that this is what the OP is saying or expecting.
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