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Rarely, since their parents FAILED to teach them to do that!
Because they don't know any better! Nobody ever showed them how!
Same here! We were taught a lot of common manners that no longer exist in modern culture.
I've found that the best defense against being hurt by bad manners or an absent "thank you" is to build up and reinforce my own self esteem and self respect so I can give WITHOUT any needy strings attached to the gift. I also am giving less and less! It's too late to educate and HELP my grand kids so I just work on being positive and self loving and let all of them sink or swim as best they can. Their parents, not me, screwed them up although it could be said that us grandparents screwed up their parents. (I do not have kids of my own to screw up but most like would have!). It is glaringly obvious to me where and how good or bad manners originate from so the ill-mannered grand kids are on their own and will most likely produce an even worse group of ill-mannered kids in the future. Oh well..... life goes on............
Actions (or inactions) have consequences, plain and simple. There are "strings attached" in one form or another to all human interaction.
IMO, many parents suffer with the egoic need to have their kids make them, the parents, LOOK GOOD (to other adults) and make the parents PROUD - like glowing show cases, so the NEEDY parent forces or encourages their kids to do and be ANYTHING that will make their parents SHINE! It's selfish and destructive, IMO.
Actions (or inactions) have consequences, plain and simple. There are "strings attached" in one form or another to all human interaction.
Definitely. This past week, my oldest grandson, who will be 4 this fall, was punished for grabbing his trains from his baby brother and yelling at him, really scaring him and making him cry. He was told that if his brother was wrecking his tracks, he was supposed to tell a grownup. He's got about five sets of Thomas trains (Pappy and I are always picking them up at yard sales) and a train table, but he prefers setting them up on the floor where he can take up half the room. He's got more railways than the Island of Sodor. But baby brother likes to play with them, too and wrecks the intricate tracks he sets up.
His punishment for the day was NO TRAINS. We played other things...he's got Legos and Lincoln Logs...but going without his trains for 24 hours was like a junkie going through withdrawal. I felt so bad for him, I put some Thomas videos on the TV later that afternoon. I found a hilarious one on Youtube of a compilation of 30 years of Thomas crashes. We watched that three times and were rolling off the couch laughing, and it made him feel better. However, his mom said NO TRAINS meant on TV, too., and she didn't like that I let him watch it.
I work for a school district (cafeteria cook) and am off summers, so I spend the week at my daughter's house babysitting my oldest grandson. My daughter takes the baby to work with her, so he and I are left to our own devices all day (scary thought). They live in a rural area with no neighbor kids for him to play with, except me. Last week I taught him to make water balloons.
Good topic. I have been biting my tongue for years and I have regrets. It centers around my son-in-law's treatment of my grandson, who is his stepson. My grandson is 11 now, but my daughter married my son-in-law 6 years ago. I have witnessed my son-in-law verbally abuse, ignore, impose way out of line or age inappropriate discipline, yell, and lecture beyond belief this little boy. He's in middle school now, gets straight A's and plays an instrument for the first time. I have approached my daughter delicately numerous times over the years. Some of it she has not noticed and then noticed after I brought it up and some she just defends her husband about. Years back, I suggested that maybe SHE just handle my grandson and the discipline and my son-in-law just be supportive and get along. That didn't happen and I continued to watch my grandson get treated poorly. My son-in-law is very controlling and he and my daughter have known each other since high school. (32 and 31 now). They would break up and get back together. Usually, the reason was because she said he was being too controlling. One time when they had been broken up, she met a guy and things moved fast and she got pregnant with my grandson. They tried to make it work but he ended up not being so great of a boyfriend. He loves my grandson and does spend time with him...and his mom is wonderful and loves her grandson too. So, my son-in-law resents my grandson, hates the other grandma, hates the dad. For no good reason. My grandson is the target of his anger and resentment. I see how he looks at my grandson sometimes and I just want to hit him! My daughter finally started seeing this behavior and finally started taking some stances. They went to a counselor a few times and, lo and behold, the counselor suggested my daughter take over the disciplining. Don't worry, I didn't say, "I told you so." My daughter told me that it made a big and positive difference and that my grandson seemed a lot happier lately. I was at their home recently (we live 6 hours apart) to visit and witnessed the new arrangement. All seemed OK, but I noticed my son-in-law feels the urge to step in after my daughter has said something to my grandson, then "bark" comments at my grandson in a mean tone. Now that my grandson is older, I see that he doesn't really like his stepdad, and I don't blame him. In fact, my daughter even told me that before this new arrangement suggested by the counselor, my grandson would run to his room and close the door when he saw his stepdad pull in the driveway! What does that tell you? Big red flag. I've watched it over the years and there are still difficult years ahead now that my grandson is in middle school. And my daughter and son-in-law have a daughter together now - my granddaughter is 3. My son-in-law is night and day different with HIS daughter. She gets away with a lot, let's put it that way. I'm waiting until she reaches the same ages my grandson was when my son-in-law came into his life....and I will see if the same ridiculous punishments are going to be imposed for the same behaviors. I highly doubt it. So, I have spoken up, to a degree, over the years, but never to my son-in-law directly. He's truly been a bully. He was bullied severely by his older brother as a child, so I understand why he is a bully, but that doesn't justify him choosing to bully a child. I have gone to bed in their home with tears in my eyes. I have come back home and cried to my husband over things and my huband has also witnessed things. Do I just keep on the way I have been or do I finally say something to him if I witness him treating my grandson poorly again. Any thoughts or similar situations ..and what have you done? I'm just worried my grandson has suffered emotional damage.
I feel for you and your husband. I honestly don't know besides you and your spouse go to counseling, too. Maybe the therapist would offer some great coping skills. Maybe come up with suggestions of what you can do as a grandparent. Have you sat down with your grandson and flat out told him you realize what's going on and have him unload. That you recognize the issue and you want to help yet don't know what to do without antagonizing your daughter and step-father? I hope he has friends and has an outlet at school, at other kid's homes. He needs someone in his corner that builds him up.
Have you asked for your grandson to come visit you during the summer? Spring break? You said you're six hours away and that he's 11 years old. That's old enough to fly if his mom would allow it. Does he spend time with his biological father and any other step siblings? I hope so. I hope they're more accepting and loving.
I bet if your grandson steps out and acts resentfully towards his little sister, he'll get in twice the trouble. There will be resentment. I feel for your daughter and coping with this guy. With this little girl she'll always be tied to him.
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