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Single parent here I raised 6 kids, I have heart problems, high blood pressure & on meds. My problem is my daughter has 2 very young kids, a 4yr old with adhd & a 5 month old very cranky, I babysit overnight from 9p.m - 7a.m which my doctor don't approve he says with my heart meds I need 8hrs of uninterrupted sleep. I have tried to help my daughter find a babysitter but she keeps turning them down and only wants me, I'm forced to retire cause of health, I'm not allowed to drive so I walk, my daughter lives close by but I have to walk to an from her place even in bad weather, she don't have a car either. I tell her this is gettin very hard on me & my heart keeps actin up, she also don't have a phone in her home and when I go to her place before she goes to work shes always on her cell phone texting her boyfriend, she also calls me through out the day whineing to me cause her kids are dealing her a fit an she wants me to go over an babysit some more, lately I dread my phone ringing and I hate this feeling of resentment towards them, don't get me wrong I love my daughter & grandbabies and I'm worried about havin another heart attack, my daughter tells me she'll find a sitter. I've been watchin her kids for almost 2 months now, I am starting to loose my friends cause I have no time to spend with them like I use to do. Plus she pulls this guilt trip on me if I say no I can't. I'm at a lost on how to handle this. I keep askin her what is she gonna do when I die and her reply is she don't know...
Single parent here I raised 6 kids, I have heart problems, high blood pressure & on meds. My problem is my daughter has 2 very young kids, a 4yr old with adhd & a 5 month old very cranky, I babysit overnight from 9p.m - 7a.m which my doctor don't approve he says with my heart meds I need 8hrs of uninterrupted sleep. I have tried to help my daughter find a babysitter but she keeps turning them down and only wants me, I'm forced to retire cause of health, I'm not allowed to drive so I walk, my daughter lives close by but I have to walk to an from her place even in bad weather, she don't have a car either. I tell her this is gettin very hard on me & my heart keeps actin up, she also don't have a phone in her home and when I go to her place before she goes to work shes always on her cell phone texting her boyfriend, she also calls me through out the day whineing to me cause her kids are dealing her a fit an she wants me to go over an babysit some more, lately I dread my phone ringing and I hate this feeling of resentment towards them, don't get me wrong I love my daughter & grandbabies and I'm worried about havin another heart attack, my daughter tells me she'll find a sitter. I've been watchin her kids for almost 2 months now, I am starting to loose my friends cause I have no time to spend with them like I use to do. Plus she pulls this guilt trip on me if I say no I can't. I'm at a lost on how to handle this. I keep askin her what is she gonna do when I die and her reply is she don't know...
Bless you Angel but you need to learn to say NO and be deaf to your daughter. You need to realize that you are not doing her any real favors but allowing her to shrug off her responsibility and keeping her from learning how to deal with life. You need to look after you first, your daughter is a grown up and needs to be able to handle herself and her children.
Bless you Angel but you need to learn to say NO and be deaf to your daughter. You need to realize that you are not doing her any real favors but allowing her to shrug off her responsibility and keeping her from learning how to deal with life. You need to look after you first, your daughter is a grown up and needs to be able to handle herself and her children.
i do not mind helping with my grand kids at times but they look like they want me to take the full load of their kids. i had five kids and i basically raise them by myself. the mothers of to day do not want to plan their lives with their children in them they want to be on the go . When i went out I did things that i can carry my kids along and i wish for the day that they would all grow up and take care of thyself. now my three oldest daughters have kids of their own and the oldest one has moved back home and she is always on the go never having time for her own kid also she does not help out finically. She says she has no money but she finds money when she needs things. The two oldest expect me to drop of and pick up and do not even say have some gas money many times I feel like just disappearing because a have already raised five children and still have one in school . They could drop and pick up if they try but they feel that they can always dump their ressibillty on me I had to put mu foot down because it it =not just a physical burden but also financially to. i am a divorce mother and had to do most of the work myself. i have a 18 year old still in collage I live of reantl income and i cannot afford to carry the fanically load. I had to do withou things when i was raising my kids and i do not plan to spend my whole life doing thins it it time for me to enjoy my like to and not be over burben.
you have to say no because if you are no longer there she will find a way to get things done i had to do that with my daughters sometimes you have to show tuff love in order to get your point across because if you allowed they will over burden you life is here for us to enjoy and not be a doormat. Not to take on other peoples burdens we all have our own to bear.
My one Son & DIL tend to take advantage. My wife doesn't know how to say no so I complain when babysitting gets out of hand. When my Granddaughter was an infant, my wife watched her 3 days a week. I was working then, so out of the house. Now I'm retired and I told my wife also, that I'm not spending my retirement babysitting. I threaten to move as my Son lives 4 blocks away. There were times when my Son took a day off while DIL worked only for my wife to still babysit while he played golf or did errands. I love my Grandkids but not for babysitting, then you never see them otherwise.
I will babysit on my terms. I just declined one son to babysit on a Friday night so they could attend a wedding.
This grand ma gets up at 5:30 every morning and commutes to a full time job....not old enough to retire yet, by time Friday nights roll around I'm exhausted.
First off, like my wife always told me.. "You do not babysit your own kids!". These are your grandkids. Your bloodline. You get the joy of watching them. It is not a paid gig. You cannot babysit your own grandkids either.
Why did you have kids? Think hard about this. What was your mission statement with your kids? Was it a selfish mission statement or was it all about the kids? If it was not all about the kids, why did you have kids again? Maybe you should not have had kids? Seriously, should you have had kids? It is ok to say no, honesty will help you get everything into perspective. Kids are not for everybody. Grandkids, same thing. What is important here is to evaluate whether or not you are right or wrong in how you are going about grandkids.
Many people actually come out and say "I did my time with kids, now it is my turn! Time for me! Me Me Me!"
Seriously? That sounds horrible! What, so you had kids and you look back at that time as a huge pain in the rear that you had to deal with? So now it is payback time to yourself?!?
Why did you have kids again?
I think what we have is a bunch of people having kids that really should not be. People out for themselves because they have 'done their time'; as if speaking of some foreign war they served it.
Let me be crystal clear here...
Kids are a privilege. Both to parents and grandparents. If you think otherwise, I feel bad for your kids... and their kids. Maybe you should have rethought reproducing? Again, no insult here, just a simple fact. If you hate dislike cars, would you own one? Should you own one?
Now now, before you start flaming crazily with your big buckets of selfish splashing all over, keep in mind common sense has to prevail.
What do I mean? I mean;
I am NOT referring to grandparents that are unhealthy to a point of being a risk to the child. If you are 70 with a heart that can fail at anytime, no, you should not be taking care of a 2.5 year old. Now if the child is 7, then cool, go for it.
I am NOT referring to grandparents that are so old as to be totally incapable to doing anything. If you are 98 than you probably should not be watching your great grand kids. However my mom, who is 95, still watches her GREAT grand kids for several hours at a time. She loves it. Makes us nervous, but she loves it. lol,, anywho...
And to those of you who claim you have demanding kids that you 'give em an inch and they take a mile'?... Who raised those kids again? Who's fault is that? Hint: Yours. So, now you are going to punish your grandkids too?
So, what do I do? Me, mr 'all about the kids'...
I got a masters degree before I had kids, so I would have a good job and money for kids. Yes, I planned kids! Crazy crazy, I know. Freaking intellectuals and their well thought out ideals. I bought a motorhome when I retired. I spend 4 months at kid "a's" house and 4 months at kid "b's" house during the year spending time with kids and grandkids. I love that time I spend with them. I would spend 6 months at each house if I could get away with it. Actually, a couple years I did, I think I overdid it. =) Sometimes we take the kids on the road with us and spend 2 months of the summer here and there.
I had kids because I wanted to make the world a better place. I wanted to give them every advantage I could, and I did wind up paying for college. I love my kids more than myself. I love my grandkids more than myself. I will cover any college funds for my grand kids too! I worked a few extra years knowing this is why I was doing it. Several of us did another 5 years for the exact same reason!
Did you work an extra 5 years for your grand kids?
Should you have?
Why did you have kids again?
For me, Life is good. Heaven on earth. I am as perfect a parent and grandparent as I can be, and for me, that is the meaning of life. Life is not about me. It is about love. Not love of myself, but of all that I create. We should all love what we create. If we don't, we are doing it wrong!
I was going to brag about how selfless I am,, but,, I do have a $250,000 motorhome,, how selfish is that!? =P It has stripes and everything!
My parents, unless it was a dire emergency NEVER baby sat my kids. Kids still got plenty of time with them and to this day are close to them, adult sons go visit & take them out to lunch etc but they NEVER baby sat.
I don't know why some , not all, but some parents today think it's their god given right to have their Moms babysit and not just for the once in awhile night out. Especialy when some parents are not even having kids themselves until late 30's..how old does that make your parents??? You just don't have the stamina if you're 70 something to keep up with kids and younger grand parents, older grand parents...HAVE A LIFE AS WELL
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