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Today's 13-15 year olds likely have parents born in the mid 70s through mid 80s, so people who probably graduated high school between 1995 and 2005 ish. All of those people would have encountered the internet as teenagers or young adults and would probably have been in tune with new platforms like Youtube, Twitter, Facebook etc. when they came out.
Most of them would also have already been part of the trend of 'delayed adulthood' that we saw increasingly i.e. maintaining an exaggerated interest in pop culture, trends in fashion, leisure activities, nightlife well into your 20s and 30s. That's what brought us the advent of the "Disney Adult", obsession with Marvel comics and associated movies etc.
Can people who would prefer to be children all their lives themselves make good parents? How do you deal with tough choices and avoid the temptation to think that you should be a 'cool' parent who is friends with their kids and isn't burdening them with high expectations and challenges? Or the temptation to just let devices do the parenting while you pursue your own hobbies? If you as a 35 year old spend your free time on Twitter and Reddit then how can you prohibit your kids from spending all their time on Discord and Twitch? If you post half your life on Facebook, how can you keep your kids from living their life through 'the Gram' and TikTok?
Here is my recommendation. Get them involved in sports of some sort. Soccer, volleyball, softball etc. Get them out and away from the computer. This will force them to socialize in an organic environment.
Try to get real friends instead of electronic ones.
Last edited by Mike from back east; 10-18-2023 at 05:32 PM..
Reason: Typo: You meant "them" not 'the'
My kids though...it's like they don't believe that any amount of work will ever be worthwhile, they throw away any money or opportunity as soon as they get it. They don't appreciate anything and don't see any point in trying. The only thing that either of them lives for, is escape...one via drugs & alcohol, the other via video games. And I really cannot help but think that giving them the video games to spend their free time playing when they were young probably helped to program their brains to not find reality rewarding. Both of them are anxious and depressed. Neither are living lives that are "cushy"...one of them is homeless and sleeping in his girlfriend's car, the other one is barely surviving on the generosity of his girlfriend, neither one lives a life of luxury and they are both pretty miserable.
Though their lives WERE pretty cushy when they were children. Which seems like part of the cycle. I had a rough childhood, and I grew up believing that if I wanted anything done that I cared about, I'd need to deal with it myself because no one else would give a damn. It's harsh. And yet. It's hard though, for parents. I felt a lot of pressure to be a "good Mom" and do everything "right" for my kids. To "succeed" in all the ways I thought my parents "failed"...yet I could not get my head around the fact that their failures may have led to me being capable of success...? It's a bit of a paradox.
I don't know that those feelings of lack of worthwhileness are new - but it sure is easier than ever to escape, whether that's digitally, travel wise, drugs, you name it. There's a multitude of methods now that weren't there before.
I don't think that growing up cushy is a detriment. Child hardship could teach resilience, and it could also cause bad habits and coping, unnecessary chronic stress, less tools to work with. I think having a good childhood allows kids to propel further if they go on the right path. They can still fall to the wayside, but it seems very backward for a parent to say I did too good of a job - therefore my kids were disadvantaged, if I would have left them to the wolves, they would have toughened up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SickofJersey
Sorry, but I agree with Sand&Salt. Newspapers have no comparison to Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, and all the rest. Constant bombardment at the speed of light 24/7 on how great everyone else has it except for you. Most young minds haven't matured enough to know it's all a facade.
When I was growing up, I had to take the time to read a newspaper, be patient with the news on TV (if I even cared), or just hang out with my friends and talk. There was no fakeness because it was all in real life. It was much more innocent as a kid, of course until I became an adult and realized what responsibility really is.
Under 18 is way too young to be sold a fake bill of goods in social media. They are way too easily influenced, which is why there's such a huge business for "Social Media Influencers".
That's my take on this. Of course we all have our own opinions and each of us have a bit if truth here. This one is mine.
Yeah at high school age kids go bonkers with it, that's what my highschool was like. But afterwards, people really tend to drop off it, a lot of my highschool friends and people my age in general - 30 - have essentially disengaged with social media, or at least standard social media, as they get into careers and develop diverse networks. Linkedin and Reddit and things like that seem to pick up, but Instagram and Facebook seem to be disengaged. So while kids may be overboard, I don't think it's a lifelong habit by and large.
Every generation that comes to age of a new toy goes overboard with it. Look at Boomers with automobiles, Gen X with TV, and Gen Z with social media. Gen Z has a more moderate relationship with TV than Gen X, but they have screen time issues in a different manner.
I suspect this Mental Health crisis is all due to the influence of video games.
Just like a casino filled with slot machines. I have seen documentaries on the design and psychology of those machines, very smart people design that stuff, to become addictive. To draw in gamblers and they get addicted.
Our culture made a huge industry out of making formulas of Salt/Sugars/Fats to become more addictive. I am convinced that eating Fast Foods as a teenager changed my palate. I have learned to avoid them now. When I was stationed overseas we saw other Americans who were never satisfied with the local foods available to us, they wanted a Big Mac [in my case it was Taco Bell]. In my retirement I have sought to become an organic farmer, 20 years later I still find most organic food unappealing.
Our profit-seeking corporations have each focused on ways to increase their profits, and in so doing, over decades, they have made the consumers to be addicted to their products.
Thus our society has a mental health crisis, an obesity epidemic, and gender dysphoria.
I suspect this Mental Health crisis is all due to the influence of video games.
Just like a casino filled with slot machines. I have seen documentaries on the design and psychology of those machines, very smart people design that stuff, to become addictive. To draw in gamblers and they get addicted.
Our culture made a huge industry out of making formulas of Salt/Sugars/Fats to become more addictive. I am convinced that eating Fast Foods as a teenager changed my palate. I have learned to avoid them now. When I was stationed overseas we saw other Americans who were never satisfied with the local foods available to us, they wanted a Big Mac [in my case it was Taco Bell]. In my retirement I have sought to become an organic farmer, 20 years later I still find most organic food unappealing.
Our profit-seeking corporations have each focused on ways to increase their profits, and in so doing, over decades, they have made the consumers to be addicted to their products.
Thus our society has a mental health crisis, an obesity epidemic, and gender dysphoria.
I don't know what it is but I have had depression off and on since college (maybe before that) and I never played video games. There were no cell phones or ipads when I was in high school/college in the late 90's. I think more is just diagnosed these days. There's more autism and allergies as well.
It's certainly not healthy to be playing video games and watching youtube on ipad for lengthy times. My son is 9 and already seems to love watching youtube videos. Anything from cakes being made to skateboarding tricks. It seems to be what he likes to do to relax...he is heavily involved in sports (sometimes i worry too much right now), takes an art class and plays outside and rides his bike (in addition to school and having homework every night). Unfortunately he loves that ipad...it's me and my husband's job to take it away from him though. My parents bought it for us thinking it would be helpful...it seems like most kids his age have an ipad or some sort of device. They're not going away.
Here is my recommendation. Get them involved in sports of some sort. Soccer, volleyball, softball etc. Get them out and away from the computer. This will force them to socialize in an organic environment.
Try to get real friends instead of electronic ones.
I could not agree more.
And not just sports, which was my path. Debate teams are great. Different clubs, activities of all sorts.
But just like Pete said... GET THEM AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER... AND THE PHONE!!!!
What if the more we encourage people — especially young people — to talk about their mental health, the worse they end up feeling?
<snip>
there’s another, rather more subtle problem happening at the moment: I think the current conversation about mental health might be encouraging people to interpret their difficulties as mental health problems when they’re not, in a way that’s actively unhelpful for the individual.
<snip>
bear in mind that much of the public conversation is focused on teenagers. Adolescence is a period of critical identity formation, and adolescents are easily influenced by their peers. When I give talks about this subject, to academics and the general public, I am often asked the same question: Is it possible that it’s now cool for teenagers to have a mental health problem? One parent told me that their teenage daughter says she feels left out because she’s the only one among her friends who doesn’t have anxiety or depression. It might be that we have so encouraged destigmatizing of mental health problems that we have swung too far the other way, and these labels have become desirable for some teens. This isn’t helpful for anyone, not least those with debilitating mental illness, such as schizophrenia, who continue to be left out in the cold.
I recall about 4 years ago, prior to Covid, my cousin talking with me about her own kids and her frustrations with they and their peers being "depressed" and her wondering what exactly they had to be depressed about. All 4 of her kids are involved in various sports, cheer, band, music lessons, dance, baseball, tennis, golf, you name it, they've done it or are doing it. These aren't kids sitting alone in their basements with no social skills.
When I came across this article it really made me stop to think about how much focus there is on feelings. I wasn't raised to stuff my feelings, but there wasn't such an inward focus on it when I was a teen. A bad day was just a bad day, it wasn't pathologized as it seems to be now.
I don't know what it is but I have had depression off and on since college (maybe before that) and I never played video games. There were no cell phones or ipads when I was in high school/college in the late 90's. I think more is just diagnosed these days. There's more autism and allergies as well.
It's certainly not healthy to be playing video games and watching youtube on ipad for lengthy times. My son is 9 and already seems to love watching youtube videos. Anything from cakes being made to skateboarding tricks. It seems to be what he likes to do to relax...he is heavily involved in sports (sometimes i worry too much right now), takes an art class and plays outside and rides his bike (in addition to school and having homework every night). Unfortunately he loves that ipad...it's me and my husband's job to take it away from him though. My parents bought it for us thinking it would be helpful...it seems like most kids his age have an ipad or some sort of device. They're not going away.
I am certain they are not going away soon.
I did not mean to imply that all 100% of mental health issues are due to video games, but rather this current mental health crisis.
It also seems like the majority of 20s and 30s that I know right now all consider themselves to be neurodivergent [autistic, ADHD, dyslexia, anxiety, transgender, etc]
It must be something that has arisen since the 1990s.
'Gentle parenting' seems to be retaliation for getting spanked or something back in the day. I don't think spanking is the way to go but hell hath no fury like a child saying no or wanting their own way about anything. Gentle parenting is not the way for every child.
It's also easy to say, I'm going to use gentle parenting as my method of parenting when you're staring at an ultrasound photo or holding your newborn. Wait a few years.
Last edited by Mike from back east; 10-22-2023 at 04:36 PM..
Reason: Removed quoted material that had been deleted.
I recall about 4 years ago, prior to Covid, my cousin talking with me about her own kids and her frustrations with they and their peers being "depressed" and her wondering what exactly they had to be depressed about. All 4 of her kids are involved in various sports, cheer, band, music lessons, dance, baseball, tennis, golf, you name it, they've done it or are doing it. These aren't kids sitting alone in their basements with no social skills.
When I came across this article it really made me stop to think about how much focus there is on feelings. I wasn't raised to stuff my feelings, but there wasn't such an inward focus on it when I was a teen. A bad day was just a bad day, it wasn't pathologized as it seems to be now.
I can see that.
Discussing feelings was not allowed when I was a child.
Expressing feelings would get me beaten.
When I was 8 or 9yo, my parents decided that I needed to face reality, so when any of our pets needed to be put down, it was my job to do so. And any whining or crying was justification for a beating.
Then I had to do it again, to make sure that I had learned the lesson, to kill without hesitancy, remorse, or emotion.
I never dreamed of being depressed about it, as I knew what would happen if I got depressed.
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