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Nobody is telling you to have kids, that's your own choice. However, don't complain when you change your mind and you want kids. You have a limited time window if you're still capable to think things through. This is your own decision not mine. I'm here to tell you what you could be missing out on if you trade your time for something that may not be worth it.
I can say that having kids is an important choice and not everyone should be parents. But if you feel you have some desire to have children then you must seize the opportunity and not let it go to waste. I see people go do vacations or spend all the money they've earned on self indulgences. That's your choice, you can delay those choices and go enjoy the same activities with your children later in life. Your career can be put on hold, there are plenty of companies that will tolerate maternity leave.
More and more women, thanks to modern technology, are having kids later in life. Even without modern technology women had kids into their 40's. No worries. A great deal of my professional friends and family members were in their 30's and 40's before having their first child. My own mother was 39 when my youngest sibling was born and my grandmother 40 when her youngest child was born.
Personally, I already had kids. I also have a career. I think I know what's what. How about you. Kids? Career? The US, for being a first world county, has a terrible reputation for parental leave as well as affordable, accessible daycare. Many women have realized it is best to establish their career before having children. Many careers are very competitive so one must obtain their degrees and training and compete for jobs when they are young. After they have established a career and "self indulged", they are both more mature and financially stable, both better for raising a child.
People change their mind about kids all the time. Dont want them, then have them. Want them, then dont have them. No need to rush it or make it a life's priority.
You can defend women all you want, it won't change the reality that men prefers women that are of fertile age than those aren't. Some would go as far as prefer a virgin.
We can debate this forever, societies outside of ours have set this preference for thousands of years. You think your preference is going to change majority of the male population? I'm here to state the obvious not make a comment. I can easily date women past their fertile age but not easy to find women of child bearing age. [b]
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Do YOU think we care?
WE have the freedom over our bodies to decide if we want babies or not. YOU don't have to like it, but oh well.
I just find it a funny notion that as more "progressive" minded people fail to breed, more "traditional" people will outnumber us. Liberals don't actually HAVE to breed, conservatives do that for us. And then cry about "grooming" when the fact is you can't control your kids like you think you can, and as soon as they are able, they take a look at the uptight miserable thinking that was hammered at them growing up, and run as hard and fast as they can in the opposite direction.
If I had a dime for every green or purple haired, tattooed and pierced, pagan or Satanist, pan/poly/nonbinary/whatever who told me they grew up in an ultra-religious household and/or went to a private religious school, I'd have enough money to buy lunch. lol
So much for full quivers, they always seem to forget that annoying habit (that they hate) of people including their kids, having minds of their own. Hence, I suppose, authoritarianism...if the livestock won't cooperate voluntarily, they can always be forced... Gotta keep the herd making more cheap labor and cannon fodder, now don't we?
Why is it that everyone always throws the response of, "If you don't have children or get married, you will be lonely when you grow older." This comment is always made towards young women but never to men.
What makes people think that all women want to be married with children (which I personally see as a ball and chain), and even worse - that they want to have children? The thought of having children makes me shiver because it is too much of a responsibility that I never wanted.
Also, why is "growing old and alone" a subject for women to fear, but never directed at men? Not even gay men are told that.
Here's what I think:
1. This is to put pressure on women into thinking they need a man and babies to be happy
2. Men can only feel like men if and only if women are dependent on them
3. Men who make these types of videos on YouTube fear that they are losing control over women
Also, what makes people think that if they have a family, that they will never be lonely? Seriously, this is why people cheat, divorce, and/or never visit their parents after their parents age.
A friend of mine in her 50's had the perfect husband and child. Her husband recently died of a sudden heart attack and her son is now going off to college. Now she's complaining about being lonely. Meanwhile, I'm not. I never that those losses.
I'm sorry OP if you'd had to deal with comments like that.
Honestly, I've never heard anyone say that to anyone. I don't know for sure, but I don't think any of my family or friends think that. I believe too the people in my family and friends of mine if they would even think something like that, would think the best thing to do is to mind their own business. How do any of us know what the right path is for someone else let alone ourselves?
Everyone goes down their own path -- some try to be planful, others muddle their way through, we make what we think are going to be the best choices for us (some things we think thru logically and for other things we follow our gut which usually knows more than our brain), unexpected twists and turns come up but we do our best and go thru life with courage and perseverance. And for the people we love and care about hopefully we know not to give unsolicited advice on things like this.
Do what's right for you and I hope you have some supportive family and friends. Comments like that would almost make you want to avoid those people.
To kinda drag this back to the point a little (with a nod to Kathy above and the more sensible great debaters)...I think that as in so many things, intent matters. If it were my parent saying something like this, or a grandparent, I might humor them as just telling me what they were taught and internalized, and that they probably do want me to be happy. They just might have odd ideas about what that would look like, but it's how they were raised. Though I've got to say, it's not exactly fair to think of the older generations as necessarily being a bunch of dinos with outdated beliefs and they can't help it, because I've met plenty of old people who have managed to evolve. The old folks I've had in the family who were, for instance, racists...they were pretty dang ignorant, stubborn or mean to begin with.
But with the younger (as in, not elderly) people saying this? Are they women with kids who are just trying to 'splain how their choices are the only correct ones? I used to go on about "true fulfillment" lying in selfless caretaking and I look back at my younger self and ponder, "who were you trying to convince?" And the guys? lol...well. I won't speak of them, they can do that just fine with their own comments.
So I'd disregard anyone telling me how best to live my life, and OP you should certainly do so as well. But perhaps how much forbearance you have for the relationship might depend upon the intent... If it's your Mom, do try to be kind. She probably just loves you and wants for you to be happy. If it's a guy on the internet, well, you can argue with him or ignore him, whatever floats yer boat. We have the tools, we have the technology.
Sonic, thank you for wrapping up this discussion for us and putting a bow on it.
Take-aways from this discussion: Be your own person. Find your own sources. Do your own thinking. There is no one-size-fits-all model for our lives. Listen to advice from family, friends, experts, and strangers -- then ignore whatever part(s) of it is just trite claptrap. Avoid rigid dogmas. Life isn't a bumper sticker slogan. Do whatever you think is right for you. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone changes their mind. People change and grow in different directions. People succeed. People fail. People rise. People fall. Times change. People change. Societies change. Nations change. Economies change. Chin up. Full speed ahead. Don't look back. To each their own. YMMV.
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Last edited by Mike from back east; 12-16-2023 at 10:43 AM..
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