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Having a parent alive gave me a sense of still being a kid. Now with both gone there’s no longer any buffer. Dad was in his 90’s when he died and Mom died two and a half years later. Mom had dementia and that overrode everything else. It really didn’t hit home until their house was sold and they were both gone. That was when the finality and loss set in.
OP, I’m sorry for your loss. Often I find myself thinking or saying “Dad/Mom would have loved this” when I’m enjoying something I know they would have liked too. While it may make me sad, it also makes me think of them when they were more vibrant with the ability to enjoy things.
Great way to put it!
Now that a couple of years have passed since their deaths, I find myself remembering the better times. At first, all I could think about or remember was the ways they died, and then their very elderly years. Now I hardly ever even think about those times.
Now that a couple of years have passed since their deaths, I find myself remembering the better times. At first, all I could think about or remember was the ways they died, and then their very elderly years. Now I hardly ever even think about those times.
I know that will happen for me, with time. The memories of last year are so fresh, and those last few months were such an incredibly stressful and difficult time. I look forward to remembering better times.
This will not answer nor validate your feelings but I do think it adds some much needed perspective at a time like you are going through. It is my favorite quote for loss and is from an Irish headstone.
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
Love leaves memories no one can steal.
In the days and weeks to come, may the heartache lessen because of the wonderful memories that you have. Prayers are with you.
I lost my parents at 10 and 13 in 1972/1975. Early childhood parental loss is a different psychological ball game don't kid yourself.
I think of four female friends I've had/have who lost their moms at younger ages than I was. One was only 4, one was 12, 20, and 22. The female who lost her mom at 20 passed away at age 49 (leaving 3 kids, ages 19-22). It was as if history repeated itself. Very sad.
I would say you didn't fully lose your mom when she passed, in a sense, since so many things associated with her were still present in your life. Now, with the passing of your dad, they're not (in addition to no longer having the distraction of his care). So it's only natural.
I know that will happen for me, with time. The memories of last year are so fresh, and those last few months were such an incredibly stressful and difficult time. I look forward to remembering better times.
I think it will happen for all of us. You know what - now whenever I think of my parents, either of them, I think of them predominately as younger. Once in awhile I will look at a photo or something and be reminded of them when they were elderly, but just random memories seem to be nearly all of when they were in their prime, like their thirties and forties especially.
But wow, that first year - I couldn't get the images of all that stress and them dying and hospitals and all that out of my head. It was awful.
My father died in 1999. My mom, now in her late 80s, causes my sister and I a lot of stress and I often bicker with her, but she's my anchor; I love her to pieces and will miss her terribly when she's gone.
My father died about 20 years ago. While I miss him very much, I have always lived within hours drive of my mother, and always visited for holidays as well as randomly. As my mother has aged, I have made a point to visit her more frequently, as I don't know how long I will have her around.
Having one parent still living, my life hasn't changed all that dramatically. She loves Christmas, and we still have presents under the tree. I am still going through similar paces having one parent still left.
I am dreading her death. Having no parents is going to be a BIG difference. Christmas will never be the same, I think, as well as other holidays. Just life in general will be very different knowing it is just me and my siblings, no parents. I expect that to hit very hard. Much harder than losing one parent.
Having one parent still living, my life hasn't changed all that dramatically. She loves Christmas, and we still have presents under the tree. I am still going through similar paces having one parent still left.
I am dreading her death. Having no parents is going to be a BIG difference. Christmas will never be the same, I think, as well as other holidays. Just life in general will be very different knowing it is just me and my siblings, no parents. I expect that to hit very hard. Much harder than losing one parent.
Especially if your family dynamic/relationship with your siblings changes after the second parents' passing...which actually happens quite a lot.
Thanks to all of you for your condolences, both here and the private messages. Several of you, I couldn’t click on the scale to reply, because citydata wants me to spread reputation around before thanking you for something again. They were so very dear, separately and together. I’ve been reading through a lot of earlier threads, trying to come to terms with this. Lots of good perspective from past posts.
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