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Tallysmom, good decision re the hotel, hope that’s easier to deal with. As with mighty queen, my comparison is with my folks. When dad died two years after mom, and I had to close the door on their now completely empty unit where I had so often opened the door to the warmest of welcomes, I just broke down. Your feelings are normal and understandable. I wish you well in your new location, surrounded by your cats and all the things that bring forth your cherished memories of your husband.
My therapist had to remind me : We are intrinsically changing ...No two days or moments are ever replicates. I say this to you Tally as I can relate to that moment of sheer recognition of loss. You had the apex of two highly stressfull moments collide upon you. Moving in itself is ONE of them. The Recognizing and enduring the Loss of spouse is the OTHER. That is a double whammy.....
The person you are today ...has a new found desire to live in your home state. Transitions such as these are going to bring out the "goodbyes" to what was...and Hello to what can be. You are in the mist of the waves.
Sounds like you are passing thru it and coming to the shores where you will have new footing ( grounding).
May a deeper level of peace be with you ...
Tallysmom, good decision re the hotel, hope that’s easier to deal with. As with mighty queen, my comparison is with my folks. When dad died two years after mom, and I had to close the door on their now completely empty unit where I had so often opened the door to the warmest of welcomes, I just broke down. Your feelings are normal and understandable. I wish you well in your new location, surrounded by your cats and all the things that bring forth your cherished memories of your husband.
Lordy, I had forgotten about how desolate my parents' house was when it was cleaned out and as I said goodbye to it for the last time.
I remember how many times I had hollered out "Helloooooo!" when I came in, and one of them (or both of them) had answered me happily. I had to yell that out one last time - no answer of course, and now my voice reverberated in an empty house. It was very painful. I've actually driven past their house several times over the past few years and I always, always want to turn in.
I haven’t had a spouse die but I wonder if leaving the house you shared with him feels like you are losing him again thus the grief again. I am sorry you are going through this again and sending hugs. Glad everything is going smoothly.
That's the last place that I saw him walking. I went to visit my mom for the weekend. He called that evening and told me that he'd been admitted to the hospital. I returned the next day. He died on Friday.
Well… about the next phase. I already have Easter Dinner, a quilt show I’m going to with my niece in law’s mother, a band concert for a grand nephew in May, a vacation in July. And that’s just family. I have a boatload of friends there.
It’s going to be great.
One of the things that weighed very heavily was my cats. They are happily indoors outdoors here, and I was TERRIFIED I wouldn’t have all of them for the transport. They are going via van + two amazing drivers. Solly, the little guy in my signature, was the straggler who came in at 3AM.
And I didn’t sleep at all that night. But the power of the universe aligned again, and all five are gone. I’m getting multiple texts and pics daily. Hubby worked his magic once again.
Since I’m moving to Pittsburgh, I couldn’t fly them. There are no direct flights, and cargo is still operating on Covid hours there, and animals can’t be kept overnight.
So my mood has lifted. My dear neighbors who have been a lifeline for me are taking some of the furniture I’m not taking, my unused KitchenAid mixer, some of my cleaners…
And air mattresses are okay… but COLD. Like saps your body heat cold. So, if you have a yoga mat, toss that on top. You need something that has closed cell foam. If air can circulate, so will your body heat.
And I’m kind of forcing myself to eat. Not eating was an easy loop to get into. Scary. It didn’t feel good to eat, and it didn’t feel good to not eat. But since all my tasks are done, that source of stress is relaxed.
That's good! It sounds like a new adventure.
I heard good things about Pittsburgh. My daughter is looking at a job there, so I might get to go.
I heard good things about Pittsburgh. My daughter is looking at a job there, so I might get to go.
My nephew went to Indiana University of Pennsylvania and grad school in Pittsburgh. He really liked living there. He hoped to find a job there and stay in the area. Ten years later he was still looking and hoping to move back.
I’m here, cars here, cats are here, life is good. I’m just awaiting my furniture
Great! So glad you and your cats are reunited. That is good.
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Solly says — Be nice!
