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A few months ago she lost her dog to old age. The dog was her soulmate and she loved her with all her heart. Anyways, she's been sharing more pics and videos with me. It's all she thinks about. However, she said she hasn't been working, she's been sleeping every day and all day just thinking about her dog. She says she has done nothing, lately.
I asked her if she had been seeing any therapist and she said no, but people tell her she should. The other day I was told by the person at the shelter I go to, that there is an online support group for those that have lost pets. It's supposed to really help you.
So I messaged her about it and got no response. Not a thank you. And then I told her if she was free on this date, she could attend the online meeting. Do you know what she told me? She's too busy and has to work every single day.
And that's all she wrote. I don't understand why she isn't interested in learning more. Sometimes she would text me about her dog many times a day. She said it herself that she is doing nothing with her time. And now all of a sudden I find her a support group and she's too busy to help herself? Not interested? I don't understand. She goes weeks without getting out of bed. And now she doesn't even want to learn about this grieving group?
I'm not gonna call her out on it. But this is kind of frustrating. It's almost as if she doesn't want help or to get better. I thought she would have been stoked to learn that there's support out there. Now all of a sudden she goes from staying in bed to being too busy for it (overnight).
You sound like a very caring friend, but you know everyone handles grief in their own way. I would stay strong in your support of her but let her find her way to a resolution of that grief. Pull back on the suggestions for a bit but stay connected to make sure she comes through it.
I've recounted that when one of our labs passed, after a good 14 years as our companion (he and his brother), I used to have flashes of him sitting in the spots where he would sit. I thought I was losing my mind!! I am otherwise a fairly grounded person and have lost animals before but this was way different. I had to rearrange furniture to 'disrupt' the memory of where I would see Ringo sitting or snoozing. And of course, that would start a new cycle of crying....I was a mess. smh...damndest thing.
Everyone has their own grief journey. I know you care for your friend, but it’s up to her to take advantage of those supports if/when ready. Some people, it takes a while to be able to ask for help. It’s only been a few months. I’d say be there for your friend but set boundaries if she tries to use you as a therapist.
Ask her to come to the animal shelter with you so you can pick out a new pet. She could fall in love with a new puppy while you never quite find the right pet.
A few months really isn't all that long to still be grieving the loss of a beloved. Not very long ago, people were allowed a full YEAR to be "in mourning" without anyone berating them about it. She probably doesn't feel she needs an intervention or professional help, even in the form of a support group. She's just going through her grieving process, and that's perfectly natural and normal. If you're her friend, you should know whether she's actually working or not. Does she have a job? Does she work from home? Is she out of money because she "sleeps all day"? It sounds like you're implying there's something "wrong" with her that she needs to "fix" and/or like you're tired of hearing about this...
I lost my 2 shelties within a week of each other last June. I was just shattered. I had friends that told me I needed to get another puppy, but I had no interest. I was heartsick, and was miserable and crying all the time. It took me several months before I could even consider a pup, and then only because I missed having a pup around. I eventually did get a puppy and he did fill the void and my heart, but I still, every single day, grieve my 2 shelties. Its been a bit over a year now.
I cant imagine telling someone else how to grieve their loss. Everyone is different. A really good friend would just be there for them, and let them do what they need to do. I still, to this day, post pictures of my shelties on FB, as Facebook brings them up as memories. It now warms my heart and makes me smile thinking of them, tho I do get misty from time to time.
She needs to fil her void and depression with a cat.
Disagree. A pet is a living creature with individual needs. It deserves to have those met by someone who is ready and willing to do so. It is more than a convenient panacea or "void filler". It also won't work if she's allergic to cats!
Last edited by Parnassia; 07-11-2022 at 12:06 PM..
Well, I talked to her late last night. She said the problem with the meeting is that it's not going to bring her dog back and might make her feel worse. And that it would be sad to see others show their pics. She said that she has just been looking at all her pictures and cries out loud many times during the day. Has been sleeping a lot, oftentimes the whole day. She is trying to get back to work now.
But she still wants her dog back and would do anything. Would give up seeing every person on the planet in exchange to be with her dog. She said I can check out the meeting for her and she'll think about it.
OP, have you ever lost someone (or something) you love very much? Yes, you would do anything to bring them back; that's how you feel. It's very normal.
Well, I talked to her late last night. She said the problem with the meeting is that it's not going to bring her dog back and might make her feel worse. And that it would be sad to see others show their pics. She said that she has just been looking at all her pictures and cries out loud many times during the day. Has been sleeping a lot, oftentimes the whole day. She is trying to get back to work now.
But she still wants her dog back and would do anything. Would give up seeing every person on the planet in exchange to be with her dog. She said I can check out the meeting for her and she'll think about it.
thanks for the update, sounds like some improvement there.
I think that is the theme of this thread. It is almost like OP is envious of the departed pet, the devotion to the dog rather than to their friendship maybe.
Quote:
Originally Posted by carnivalday
I lost my 2 shelties within a week of each other last June. I was just shattered. I had friends that told me I needed to get another puppy, but I had no interest. I was heartsick, and was miserable and crying all the time. It took me several months before I could even consider a pup, and then only because I missed having a pup around. I eventually did get a puppy and he did fill the void and my heart, but I still, every single day, grieve my 2 shelties. Its been a bit over a year now.
I cant imagine telling someone else how to grieve their loss. Everyone is different. A really good friend would just be there for them, and let them do what they need to do. I still, to this day, post pictures of my shelties on FB, as Facebook brings them up as memories. It now warms my heart and makes me smile thinking of them, tho I do get misty from time to time.
Very good post. In the last two years, we lost two senior dogs. One as a pup that we had for almost 15 years, and losing her was beyond painful as she came from a high kill shelter. She was with me every day. I still mourn that loss. The other, adopted as a senior, a yellow lab, and every time I see one or a photo I sadly think about her, but to remember and talk about the good times with them? Priceless!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Einhander
Well, I talked to her late last night. She said the problem with the meeting is that it's not going to bring her dog back and might make her feel worse. And that it would be sad to see others show their pics. She said that she has just been looking at all her pictures and cries out loud many times during the day. Has been sleeping a lot, oftentimes the whole day. She is trying to get back to work now.
But she still wants her dog back and would do anything. Would give up seeing every person on the planet in exchange to be with her dog. She said I can check out the meeting for her and she'll think about it.
I think most people that loved their pets would still like to have them back. It just seems to me that you feel she cares more about her departed dog than her friendship with you. If I were in her place, I would get annoyed at your persistence. Give her space and time. You did not say how many months it has been. She has to come to terms with this on her schedule and in her way.
A good friend knows when to give someone space.
Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere
OP, have you ever lost someone (or something) you love very much? Yes, you would do anything to bring them back; that's how you feel. It's very normal.
That is what I thought. My last 3 dogs lived to 14.5+ years, and that is long time to have a living being in your life. The pets really know their owners better than anyone else in the world does. Their loyalty generally surpasses that of the humans in our life, sadly.
Everyone grieves loss in their own way. There is no "right" way.
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Disagree. A pet is a living creature with individual needs. It deserves to have those met by someone who is ready and willing to do so. It is more than a convenient panacea or "void filler". It also won't work if she's allergic to cats!
