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As a parent who has 4 kids between 13 and 18, I remember the excitement of starting a family....followed shortly thereafter by sleep deprivation.
One of my tips to you is that it's OK to let a baby cry. And shooting headphones (or earplugs) are your best friend. When my daughters would get fussy (or slightly colicky) I remember we would almost become frantic trying to find a way to get them to stop crying. But it times, they are just going to cry. The best thing YOU can do is put on your iPod (under your shooting headphones) with books on MP3, and just hold your baby. You don't stress out, and the baby still gets your attention as you walk 35 miles up and down the hallways in your house.
I am also a big believer in letting them cry it out in bed. Babies will cry when they have a need (hungry, gassy, poopy, etc) but they will also cry to get your attention. Since it's not cognitive it's more of a stimulus response. They cry, someone will come pay attention to them.
If you put your child in the crib, and they cry, check the obvious things. Are they hungry, do they need to be changed, are they needing to be burped, etc. If all is well on that front, let them cry. They may cry for an hour the first night, and your wife will feel wretched like she should go comfort your baby. But the baby needs to learn (like a myriad of other things) that when the lights go out and the adult-voices go quiet, it's time to sleep. If they cry a lot, go check on them and make sure that the "big 3" aren't an issue, and then put them back down for sleep. My brother's kids are 10+, and WILL NOT go to bed without BOTH parents trying for 60-90 minutes to get them to bed. I couldn't live like that, but it's a learned response and they did this to themselves.
Also, and I understand that there are two distinct sides of this issue, let them sleep. If your baby likes to sleep, let your wife get rest too. Waking a baby up to feed them never made sense to me unless the baby is obviously failing to thrive and gain weight, etc. Then of course you want to do that. But at right around 12-14 pounds, your baby will probably start to sleep about 6+ hours at a stretch. This is VALUABLE sleep time for your wife (and probably you too).
As to the best things you can do for your wife, here are my thoughts:
1) Schedule as few outside activities as possible during the first few months. Your wife is now your hobby. Guy friends should respect that you're taking care of your wife's needs, or they're not the best of friends. Make it a point to get your wife 4-5 hour naps. If she's only sleeping 2-3 hours at a stretch, she's not getting enough REM sleep and she will feel worn out, depressed, overwrought, etc. So even if she's breast feeding, have her express milk so that YOU can do a feeding which should allow her to get at least 5-7 hours of sleep at least once every 24 hours.
2) Make your wife feel pretty. She's spent the last couple months feeling like a whale. Even while you're not "intimate", it would be great to get her out to have her hair done, nails done, pedicure, etc. It's a small price to pay, and she'll really feel good about herself. By helping your wife to be happy and contented, you know you're helping yourself too, since every time in your marriage one of you needs to be propped up and the other person "steps up", it further pulls you together in trust and mutual appreciation.
There's my $.02...
Great comments, Sage.
Have you thought about starting or contributing greatly to a parenting forum here? I mean other than so tactifully "helping" a few of us write better comments here?
We know you help us along because you want us to be the best that we can be.
Seriously, I thought all of your tips were really great! Thanks for adding them.
MSR, great thread! Reading these posts even brought a tear to my eye. This forum is truly awesome, especially with Sage looking out for us all (and so gently reigning in those of us, esp. me, who sometimes let our snarkiness get the best of us ; )...
We've got a really positive and tangible community here, and even though I've only met a few of you in person, I feel so fortunate to be part of a group that shares a love of Idaho and of helping one another. Congratulations to everyone reading this, you've found yourself in an incredibly special place, whether you are in Idaho or not!
You know, "Coming home to Idaho" has acquired an additional meaning for me: visiting this forum!
Torrie - Thanks For Being Part of THIS Idaho Discussion
There are so many different people who have contributed to the Idaho forum to help shape it into what it is today. I hope many of you will help me honor those who most influenced you when you were new to the stie, and helped you with their advice, friendship, humor etc. in the following months/years. I look forward reading more comments about those you would like to honor or Congratulate for their influence and help in the Idaho Forum.
One person I respect tremendously, and I know others do as well, is Torrie. I"m not sure if Torrie has the word, "NO," in her vocabulary. Meaning, much like Cleosmom and so many others, I see her try to help folks who are perhaps visiting this forum for the first time or the 101st etc. If she knows the answer, she won't lead anyone astray.
While I generally do NOT comment on what people do for their daily work, I must when it comes to Torrie. As a realtor, it would be very easy for her to watch this board for anyone new then send them a PM offering her "assistance," to relocate. I've not heard of that happening. I depend on Torrie to help those who need real estate direction.
As a third generation Idaho native, I'm AWFUL when it comes to selecting a Realtor and not knowing which Real Estate Agency to recommend to those who ask, prior to their relocation to Idaho. I feel absolutely out of place when very honest and sincere people have asked me which real estate agency to use in various areas of the state. I simply don't know which real estate agents are "the best." I've often referred those who asked that question of me, to Torrie, as I thought she might be able to help them.
I totally rely on Torrie, regardless of where in ID someone may be looking to relocate anywhere in the Gem State. If Torrie can't help them, she seems to know others who can. And she's never asked me to stop sending people to her who don't know how to connect with realtors in ID. I'm not sure every realtor would be so gracious. I doubt she has made a dime when I've asked if she could help X,Y,Z (new visitors/forumers) with their needs. Yet, none of those I've recommended that they contact Torrie have ever come back to me unsatisfied with their experience. I think this speaks volumes for a person who is truly trying to help others as each person finds their own personal, "My Private Idaho."
Additionally, while I do think it was appropriate for Boise to start a sub-discussion in the Idaho Forum, sometimes I wonder how many from the Boise area even visit the general Idaho thread anymore. I think there are pros and cons both for those who limit themselves only to the Boise thread or only to these non-Boise comments. Torrie visits both sections for ID and offers her ideas to anyone whom she thinks she can help. I really appreciate Torrie not limiting herself only to Boise discussions. I wish a few more who are in the Boise Metro Area would comment on threads we have in the non-Boise part of this forum.
For those who haven't been in ID long enough to know, there are many jokes, a lot of intense feelings and sometime political battles about the "3 Idahos:" Northern Idaho, Eastern Idaho (which also includes everything west of the WY state line to Twin Falls) and the "State of Ada." Boise is in Ada County, thus "The State of Ada," term came from many who didn't live in the capitol area and felt most all of Idaho's government interests were focused on Boise and metro Boise.
I've NEVER seen Torrie try to divide the state into the three sections. Rather, I've seen comments that I find are honest. She may state what some cities simply may not be able to offer given their population or land formations etc. I think she is potentially more familiar with Boise Metro Aea resources than those available in some ares; however, I've not seen her try to put down any other area of ID simply because she didn't know specific information.
Torrie is warm and she cares about people. She about drove me batty (and I told her so) with her countdown to Christmas 2008. Do you remember that daily change of how many days to Christmas? I'd strongly encourage all of us to join together in 2009 so when we see Torrie's name around Christmas we don't cringe thinking what we still don't have done for the holiday. I've always found Torrie willing to listen and offer her best advice be it about real estate issues or spending time with sick relatives instead of participating in other activities, or even offering her view of easement issues on property etc.
Torrie, I Congratulate you on being real and honest with your feelings. I also want to thank you for all of your help, not only to me, but all who visit this forum. You are absolutely one of the people who helps mold this site into civil discussions, from my POV. I'm grateful to have you on this forum and I want to thank you for being my friend with encouraging DMs etc. through some rough times for me. Your support has meant a lot to me. It takes time and effort to care about others. You may not have been born in ID, but ID is lucky to have you and all you do to make the state a better place to live.
What some people may not realize about Torrie is she has lived in several states. Consequently, IMHO, when she compares and contrasts, she has many different living situations with which to compare.
There are other wonderful things I could write about Torrie and how welcome she made me feel at this site. After all, she had to explain to me how to give someone a rep point and write a comment. DUH on my part! Never, have I found her to be condescending or anything but supportive.
I will be interestd to read the experiences others have had when they were new or first interacted with Torrie on this site.
We are lucky to have you here in the Idaho Forum. Thank you for your hard work and many, many encouraging remarks to many people. You're a Keeper.
MSR is right about Torrie, and she is great company! Totally sincere, interesting, great sense of humor, and so good to see on her brief visit yesterday!!! Thank you for an awesome dinner Torrie, and for all the encouragement you offered my young friend and fellow California "ex-pat." We can't wait for my next trip to HQ, I promised her I'd bring her along so she could check out your neck of the woods : ) : ) : )
Torrie is top notch in my book.. ALWAYS more than willing to help... If I was looking for property in her locale, I wouldnt hesitate one second to call her... Not to mention the absolute wealth of information she shares here with us daily... Someone once said Attitude is a little thing that means alot.. Torrie always has an cheerful upbeat attitude that is infectious. We are lucky to have her here...
Sage rocks too!! Wise, Patient, Respectful, and consistant are the first words that come to mind.
Torrie and Sage both have alot to do with why this forum is a great place to visit.... Thanks to both of you and Cograts!!
Wow, you guys! What a nice surprise! I'm so blushing right now.
I have to tell you, I've really enjoyed being a part of City-Data for the past couple of years. I've met some of the nicest people here and you guys are like a second family to me. I'm amazed at the experience the forum has offered and the sense of community it has created. I do enjoy helping people and you guys are so kind to acknowledge my efforts....but, it's a team effort and all of you help make this a great site for both new and seasoned members to frequent for help, advice, support etc....so that's what makes this forum so special!
I just had a great visit with Norcalmom and she was kind enough to give me a tour of Idaho Falls. I've only been there once, so now, I have a better feel for the area and want to say thank you for a fun time! I haven't had the chance to meet all of you as of yet, but look forward to the opportunity should it ever arise, and yes, look me up if you come to town cause I'd love to meet you! I was thinking it would be fun to have a city-data get-together one day- some place in Idaho where we could all meet- now that would be quite a party!
So hats off to you all too, and thanks for making my day!
It is hard to believe there are so many decent people on this forum. After watching the news and other current events I sometimes want to go into a cave and hide. You people are all working together to create a special little niche where sanity still is king, and pandemonium gets placed on the back burner.
It is hard to believe there are so many decent people on this forum. After watching the news and other current events I sometimes want to go into a cave and hide. You people are all working together to create a special little niche where sanity still is king, and pandemonium gets placed on the back burner.
Fisherman,
I don't know where home is for you, but you are more than welcome to visit and contribute to this thread at any time.
The steady stream of negative news is one major reason I decided to start this post. There are really great people who give of themselves daily here to others. I thought it was time to recognize the work people do to help others visiting the Idaho Forum regardless of who asks. Some wonderful and strong friendships have resulted from the sharing.
I'm glad it appears we're "working together to create a special little niche where sanity still is king." It takes the right people to make that happen regardless of the location. Again, it speaks to the quality of the posts and Sage making sure we don't regress into behavior one would expect from someone in Jr. High School.
Thanks MTR ,Sage must be one cool dude. He left the Southern Cali and immersed himself in Idaho. I live about fifty miles from his old haunt, on another Mountain. About the 5500 foot level. Let's keep this thread alive.
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Thank Goodness For Your Humor
Torrie - Thanks For Being Part of THIS Idaho Discussion
which real estate agents are "the best." I've often referred those who asked that question of me, to Torrie, as I thought she might be able to help them. 
I'd strongly encourage all of us to join together in 2009 so when we see Torrie's name around Christmas we don't cringe thinking what we still don't have done for the holiday.
I've always found Torrie willing to listen and offer her best advice be it about real estate issues or spending time with sick relatives instead of participating in other activities, or even offering her view of easement issues on property etc.
Never, have I found her to be condescending or anything but supportive.
