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I'm male, 30, had friends during my childhood and adolescence, had a few friends in college, and currently have no friends. My friends from childhood and adolescence, well, it's been such a long time I can't say I miss them. I sometimes think about some high school/college friends but I just feel like going through the trouble of making appointments and planning joint activities is more trouble than it's worth. I also don't feel like going out and making new friends.
I do put myself in social situations. I enjoy going to the beach and don't feel uncomfortable being around people, but I just don't feel like talking to anyone.
Now, as far as girlfriends go, I've never had one in my life. As a teen I used to blame my lack of success with women on my physical appearance, but then I learned that physical appearance is only one of the many things women find attractive in men and that it's possible to make women like you if you have a nice personality and a great sense of humor.
I'm not a conversationalist. I don't enjoy talking for the sake of talking. If I had a consultation with a psychologist or neurologist my guess is that they would find that something's wrong with me. I'm okay with being "different," I just find it weird that my life path is so different from that of most people I know.
But back to the subject of girlfriends... while I feel attracted to women, I am not dying to have sex with them, date them, or even befriend them. I guess I've always been so remote and self-centered that people sort of get tired of me / annoyed at me after a while and either reject me or treat me like an unwanted child. I wonder why go through all that trouble when I can just skip to the part where I am once again alone enjoying my own company.
I do worry about the fact that I live such a solitary lifestyle. I do wonder what if something happens to me and I need to ask someone for help. Who am I going to call? I also worry that if I ever find myself in the position where a woman for some reason is attracted to me and I to her, the moment I admit the type of life I live I will be dumped.
(How many of you would think twice before being in a relationship with a 30-year-old man who has never had one before? How about having sex with a virgin 30-year-old man? Would you want to play that role in that grown-up man's life?)
I just want to know what you feel inclined to think about me based on the information I have provided. Do you see me ever living a remotely normal life or am I essentially damaged goods?
I'm male, 43, had encounters with music during my childhood and adolescence, had a few musician friends in college, and currently have no musician friends. My musician friends from childhood and adolescence, well, it's been such a long time I can't say I miss them. I sometimes think about some high school/college musicians but I just feel like going through the trouble of making appointments and planning practices is more trouble than it's worth. I also don't feel like going out and making new musician friends.
I do put myself in musical situations. I enjoy going to concerts and don't feel uncomfortable being around music, but I just don't feel like playing with anyone.
Now, as far as being in a band goes, I've never been in one in my life. As a teen I used to blame my lack of success with getting in a band on my physical appearance, but then I learned that physical appearance is only one of the many things bands find attractive in drummers and that it's possible to make a band like you if you have a nice chops and a great sense of timing.
I'm not a bombastic player. I don't enjoy playing for the sake of playing. If I had a consultation with a music teacher my guess is that they would find that something's wrong with me. I'm okay with being "different," I just find it weird that my life path is so different from that of most musicians I know.
But back to the subject of bands... while I feel attracted to being in a band, I am not dying to have sex with them, hang with them, or even befriend them. I guess I've always been so remote and self-centered that musicians sort of get tired of me / annoyed at me after a while and either reject me or treat me like Kenny Aronoff. I wonder why go through all that trouble when I can just skip to the part where I am once again alone enjoying GarageBand on iPad2.
I do worry about the fact that I live such a non musical lifestyle. I do wonder what if something happens to me and I need to ask someone for help. Who am I going to call? I also worry that if I ever find myself in the position where a band for some reason is attracted to me and I to them, the moment I admit the type of life I live I will be fired.
(How many of you would think twice before being in a band with a 43-year-old man who has never been in one before? How about playing 6/8 time with a 43 year old drummer who has never played 6/8 time in a musical situation? Would you want to play that role in that drummer's life?)
I just want to know what you feel inclined to think about me based on the information I have provided. Do you see me ever living a remotely normal life or am I essentially damaged goods?
I'm 43 and I have never played drums in a progressive rock band despite wanting to. What do you think of me? In other words, whatever it is, it's just another activity. It's not you.
Well it is the women of today that are very picky since there are a lot of us good men out there that are still available since most women now want men with money since they're so very greedy and selfish as well.
Tell that to all the guys making good money who can't get women's attention.
I'm male, 30, had friends during my childhood and adolescence, had a few friends in college, and currently have no friends. My friends from childhood and adolescence, well, it's been such a long time I can't say I miss them. I sometimes think about some high school/college friends but I just feel like going through the trouble of making appointments and planning joint activities is more trouble than it's worth. I also don't feel like going out and making new friends.
I do put myself in social situations. I enjoy going to the beach and don't feel uncomfortable being around people, but I just don't feel like talking to anyone.
Now, as far as girlfriends go, I've never had one in my life. As a teen I used to blame my lack of success with women on my physical appearance, but then I learned that physical appearance is only one of the many things women find attractive in men and that it's possible to make women like you if you have a nice personality and a great sense of humor.
I'm not a conversationalist. I don't enjoy talking for the sake of talking. If I had a consultation with a psychologist or neurologist my guess is that they would find that something's wrong with me. I'm okay with being "different," I just find it weird that my life path is so different from that of most people I know.
But back to the subject of girlfriends... while I feel attracted to women, I am not dying to have sex with them, date them, or even befriend them. I guess I've always been so remote and self-centered that people sort of get tired of me / annoyed at me after a while and either reject me or treat me like an unwanted child. I wonder why go through all that trouble when I can just skip to the part where I am once again alone enjoying my own company.
I do worry about the fact that I live such a solitary lifestyle. I do wonder what if something happens to me and I need to ask someone for help. Who am I going to call? I also worry that if I ever find myself in the position where a woman for some reason is attracted to me and I to her, the moment I admit the type of life I live I will be dumped.
(How many of you would think twice before being in a relationship with a 30-year-old man who has never had one before? How about having sex with a virgin 30-year-old man? Would you want to play that role in that grown-up man's life?)
I just want to know what you feel inclined to think about me based on the information I have provided. Do you see me ever living a remotely normal life or am I essentially damaged goods?
You are not damaged goods. You are exactly the way God meant you to be. We are all different. But if you need support, join a support group. I am a very solitary person, even though I am married, I have no friends. I don't really want any. But sometimes you may just need emotional support. I'd rather have a support group. Friends are too demanding of time, I like to be free.
You are not damaged goods. You are exactly the way God meant you to be. We are all different. But if you need support, join a support group. I am a very solitary person, even though I am married, I have no friends. I don't really want any. But sometimes you may just need emotional support. I'd rather have a support group. Friends are too demanding of time, I like to be free.
Yes to all of this. I'm going on 65, live alone but for my pets, and spend most of my time alone. And its just right for me. I've lived with family and had roommates and rented rooms and sharing a house with others. I moved on my own after Mom died, and Dad was driving me bonkers. I either married my roommates or never wanted to see them again. Hated renting rooms. My little house with me and four legged kids is just perfect.
I've always been solitary, even as a kid, though Mom tried hard to change that. In high school, I had a few really tight friends, all 'different' like me, and we had our own little spot we shared lunch. But mostly we didn't have a lot of 'friends'. And it was okay.
As an adult, I found science fiction famdom and found my long lost HOME. I don't get to go to cons that often now, but the last one I went to walked in knowing nobody. But I got invited to the after closting party of the organizers. We could trade stories of running other conventions. If you met me at one, you'd say I was much more socially outgoing, and social. But then there is a place I find my kind of off the wall people. Where everyone is sort of pale grey I'm happy to be my own company. I'll be polite, but no, I don't want to be friends.
And I LIKE being alone. My four legged furries are wonderful company. Cats will crawl into your lap and purr when they sense you need some love. But they don't yap about anything. Dogs will circle you so they can make sure they are always near. Much better than people unless they share some really deep passion, like me and sf fandom.
I'm also bipolar, type 2 so its not huge events. I do much better when I control the place I stay. I know the small things that deflect bad moments. I can get away and cut out the noise when I need to. Yes, I know I'm not 'normal', but guess what? I don't care. I've found ways that work for me. And in being 'different' I see the world differently. Sometimes I see deeper. Sometimes its brighter and new and apart from the rest. I try to express this in writing and art.
If anyone feels they are different, but also is not unhappy or unfufilled in their different life, and isn't out hurting anyone, let them be. Each of us sees the universe in a different way, and instead of saying it must be fixec, share the many options in life without judgement of what 'should' be.
And maybe if you feel all alone, try a science fiction con and meet other people who don't see artifical barriers glued into ideas since its 'normal', and prepare to let the mind go free.
I'm 43 and I have never played drums in a progressive rock band despite wanting to. What do you think of me? In other words, whatever it is, it's just another activity. It's not you.
Good way of putting this. Social life is not the whole of us.
RE: OP
It does take some guts to risk rejection - but that's life. I do think that if you WANT to have a girlfriend and friends, it makes sense to be proactive about it. And I also think that it's important for guys to not insist on perfection - perfect girl or perfect situation etc - but rather just have fun with little expectations. Then build on that.
Um, recent posters, you're responding to someone who hasn't been here since July 2011. Poor, sad NiceGuysDoFinishLast (despondent little man, apparently) resurrected this thread after five and a half years to complain about women. Most of us are very greedy and selfish, you know.
Really wish C-D would "lock" threads after a certain amount of time.
I heard your post my friend and I want you to know that their actually is a lot of guy out there like you. I myself was a late bloomer and was a virgin until I was 21 which I found out was late...lol I am glad I waited honestly, it saved me from having kids too early with a woman that wasn't my soulmate. I met my soulmate at 29 years old and she was 33 and had been married twice, had three daughters and we both just made it work. Just know everyone is different an just be honest with them and make sure you always do things you love. Yes it may be harder to find a girlfriend if your a 30 year old virgin but remember its not impossible.
Concentrate on getting a good career, nothing is more enticing to a woman than a man that can provide its essencial for the stability they crave. A single mom who had kids too early may be the best thing that happens to you. Just know that if sitting at home playing video games will never be a good way to meet girls. Work is a great way to meet woman. Don't be afraid to get your heart broken or to break some hearts thats how you find out what you don't want in a relationship.
The first will always be the hardest to get over! Mine was a dirty ****-bag (wear a condom) But she taught me a very important lesson in dating don't be afraid of heartache and expirience. After my first I was able to weed out all woman that were not good for me.
THE RIGHT ONE WILL LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOUR ARE! NOT WHO SHE THINKS YOU'LL BECOME!
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Their is a woman out there for you!
