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I think it's very natural to isolate when having problems. First, there is the thought that it takes too much work to put on a smile or "be on." Then there is the thought that people don't want to burden other people with their problems. Then there is the fear that if you do tell people they might reject you and that will make everything even worse. So these are a few of the reasons I think people withdraw and isolate.
Oh my God, where to begin? I isolate myself because I am divorced and lost all my friends in the divorce. I'm also unemployed and depressed. Who wants to be around a divorced, unemployed, depressed person? Nobody really cares because they all have their own problems. So why not isolate? Nobody cares.
Oh my God, where to begin? I isolate myself because I am divorced and lost all my friends in the divorce. I'm also unemployed and depressed. Who wants to be around a divorced, unemployed, depressed person? Nobody really cares because they all have their own problems. So why not isolate? Nobody cares.
Gosh, I almost could have written this word for word myself.
I didn't lose all my friends in the divorce though, but I pretty much have lost all my friends or just ended the friendships.
Oh my God, where to begin? I isolate myself because I am divorced and lost all my friends in the divorce. I'm also unemployed and depressed. Who wants to be around a divorced, unemployed, depressed person? Nobody really cares because they all have their own problems. So why not isolate? Nobody cares.
I found the opposite to be true, but of course I had to care about their problems too. I isolated, and still do somewhat, when my marriage fell apart too. I knew I was going a little crazy and getting depressed so I reached out to the two people I know that my H had nothing to do with and practically forced them to be my friend. They did help, but you are right, they had their own problems and we just sort of bounced things off each other. We bonded over our problems..lol. I never really knew they had such issues and probably never would have if I hadn't been the one to break first and admit my life was pretty bad. The good thing now is we get together to have fun and get our minds off the crap and don't talk about the problems as much
I'm a natural loner though, I need way more down time and alone time than the average person does. I always have.
I isolate. I'm a naturally reclusive person who requires a significant amount of solitude. When I am dealing with something, I "turn inward." That's how I describe it. I turn inward and focus on it to the exclusion of all else and deal with it. I tend to not leave my home (except for work or to run necessary errands) and I don't do anything social with my friends. I don't email or FB or engage. I just turn inward for a time and then rejoin the land of the living once I've gotten to a better place. (I do tend to warn my friends and family, though, instead of just suddenly going dark and silent. I tell them that I'm about to turn inward to work through something, but if I find that I need their help, I'll reach out and ask for it.)
It seems like there is a stigma attached to someone who has "repeated problems." Maybe this isn't true but it sure feels this way...My husband battled cancer and died last year. This year my son has been in and out of hospitals and had repeated surgeries for a brain tumor that grew back fast...Anyway he's not "out of the woods" yet but we both try to stay hopeful and positive...I don't know anyone else who has been through "so much" all in a row. And this seems to set me apart from other people...I just "go it alone" most of the time because I don't want to seem like a "party pooper!" (Even though I don't talk about my son non-stop.)...Sometimes I feel like a "leper" among my friends and family because my life has taken such a different course. I'm not looking for pity! And I don't want to be viewed as a "downer" either...Anyway I don't call people very often. I just "do my own thing" and try to stay hopeful and strong for myself and my son...Last week one of my friends "lost" her sister to cancer. I tried to be "there" for her. I can definitely relate to her "loss."....I called my cousin last night to wish her "happy birthday" and "happy Thanksgiving" etc. Every now and then my cousin apologized for talking about all of her "happy times" and plans for the holidays. (Due to my situation with my son.) I don't want to make anyone feel guilty for being happy or having fun! Maybe this is why I don't call people very often! And why I don't receive too many calls...Nobody knows what to say to me! And I understand this now.
Because no one gives a sh1t. People have their own problems, nobody wants to hear about mine. Only attention wh00res command that other people care about their problems. It isn't the healthiest thing in the world, but I just sit in my apartment, open a bottle of red, and look forward to the next day. This is your fate once you are over 40 and are unhappy. People have lives now, they have family and friends. For those who don't, tough luck.
I always took that natural inclination to isolate myself as a sign that I needed to deal with a particular rhythm that was not sitting well with me. Sometimes you feel and have to do. Sometimes things happen and you have to stop and feel. Then I come back stronger and wiser to that experience and circumstances leading up to, and also the feeling being within it. Then finally how to resolve it.
That is the end and I come out of the isolation as a stronger individual. This process can last any amount of time but working intelligently forward for matters of efficiency becomes a matter of focus and concentration.
GCG
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