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Moderator cut: off topic My mother has been horrible to me. Physical, mental, emotional...I suffered with anger issues and depression and I fell into Buddhism and it has helped me so much. I have restricted my communication with "mother" to only letters and that has really helped. I am going through major health problems and if she were involved it would be about her and how I am stressing her out! I know this because when I had a health crisis before this is what she said. She has expressed such hatred toward me at times it's surprising she decided to have children. I have suffered quite a bit of neglect and feel that I am playing catch-up figuring out the most basic things in life. Dad died 10 yrs ago and was hardly in my life. My parents were already separated when I was born. well, my 2-cents Oh yeah, and crippling insecurity to-boot. Thanks for making me feel like I could post here. Reading your posts has been a little healing for me.
Last edited by Mattie Jo; 12-10-2007 at 04:07 AM..
Reason: forgot to thank the posters
Lindsey:
Just continue to love your daughter and show her the best life you can, with balance of course. It'll all pan out for the good.
I kind of figured that you had some issues like this when I first read your some of your post, even on my threads. I felt like some thing was deep inside. It's okay, You have someone who understands. i used to lash out on people that had a judgemental view on things and strong convictions in certain areas and i found out to look at me.It was very painful to look at me. because it felt so much better blaming someone else for my pain; when the person was the abuser, and everyone that acted like them...
I suffered with panic disorders for a very long time before I was able to get them under control without all of the heavy antidepressants( that's another story, a long one at that).. I do panic when i think that someone is being neglected and abused by someone and i want to rescue them , which is normal for us, but there is hope in a twisted world.. It's still a battle somedays
but I can say that I have help from my God, which i'm not going to deny because certain people don't agree, I'm not trying to get them to agree, just do what you do, and let's get better girl...
Take Care
thanks for being brave Lindsey
and thanks for loving your daughter........
YHWH
Thank you for your kind words, however I don't feel I have lashed out at people in an unreasonble way.
I think you must be referring to my obvious atheist leanings, it is often the feeling of christians that we atheist must have suffered some horrible fate to be driven to the state of atheism therefore justifying setting aside anything we say. This is not the case I'm affraid. I literaly sprang from the womb a skeptic, from a very early age, I thought the religious stories they told me sounded like silly fairy tales.
I simply can't swallow the fairy tale, it has nothing to do with my having been abused as a child.
I am glad everyone is opening up, but when religion comes in, I am going to stay away from the thread...i know i asked for some advice from a few christians and muslims here, but in retrospect, personally here for me, I am going to bow out, I have an aversion to all religion, just me...so please keep sharing all and take care...glad this thread is helping you all to share...keep posting!
Being physically abused is bad enough but verbally and emotionally abuse is worse in my opinion. I don't think we ever get over it, in fact, I know we don't.
I wish there was a way and if anyone has any ideas, thanks for sharing them.
To the poster that talked about using God and the Bible to 'discipline'; I think that's probably one of the reasons I don't care for 'Christians' and I hated God for a long time also but I got to the point where I thought it isn't God's fault.
My dad and my mothers parents are no longer alive but my mom is. Sometimes I cringe when I have to be with family.
(I actually cannot believe I'm posting on this thread but maybe I need to get some things out.)
If you cringe when you have to be with 'family', maybe it's best if you aren't with them. You don't really have to. If you've already suffered enough at their hands, it might be time to consider not going back for more. They'll never change.
I haven't seen my parents in years and I think it's the best thing I could have done for myself.
When you've got your family, you don't need enemies.
My dad was the worst but he's no longer alive.
My mom allowed him to be this way and I can't forget that. She has apologized to me so she acknowledged that she was in the wrong also and I guess that's why we made up. As far as the emotional abuse, that hasn't changed all that much and I try to overlook it when I have to be around her. I don't think she realizes how much it hurts and says I'm too sensitive. Someone told me one time to face the 'enemy' and that's the only way to heal.
I am glad everyone is opening up, but when religion comes in, I am going to stay away from the thread...i know i asked for some advice from a few christians and muslims here, but in retrospect, personally here for me, I am going to bow out, I have an aversion to all religion, just me...so please keep sharing all and take care...glad this thread is helping you all to share...keep posting!
Please don't bow out. It sounds like most of us are against religion, so there may be something to be said about the why's on that.
It took me awhile to get in the right mood to post in this thread...I tend to be private, especially about the abuse that I lived through in my childhood. I and my 4 siblings are all adopted. Our adoptive parents should never have been given children but they were wealthy and money can buy you anything, apparently - especially in private "grey market" adoptions.
In our home there was intense physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. I don't want to go into detail. I've suffered from lifelong depression and had major suicidal tendencies all my life. As a teenager I became mentally ill as a result but I have since healed from that.
Now I'm 37 and I've learned to take care of myself and rise above the past but I've had a rough few years lately - getting married (which is a huge change), moving several times, having to go through three hurricanes (all direct hits), being surrounded and suffocated by the family I've tried so hard to get away from (my husband and I moved away from them only to have them move to the same town as us within a few months), my beloved 17 year old cat dying (there are no words to describe how much that broke my heart), huge financial strain, and mounting health issues. After suffering for months from what I know now were gallbladder attacks (but at the time I thought was an ulcer), I ended up having my gallbladder removed a year ago in emergency surgery. Also, I had a herniated disc for years but since January it has gotten even more severely herniated (thanks to a chiropractor) and I've been in constant pain. So I've been on Percocet and Flexeril for the past year and being on those kinds of drugs for so long is having its side effects. I've also had a lot of buried memories of the abuse from my childhood surfacing over the past few months which has been pretty hard to deal with, particularly the sexual abuse issues.
All this emotional, mental and physical stress and strain has turned into a pretty serious depression as of late. I've been suffering from extreme panic attacks for the past several months and I have a really hard time leaving the "safe nest" of my temporary rental apartment (we're moving into our new house next week/weekend) because going out really triggers the worst of my panic attacks. I'm now taking Xanax along with the Percocet and Flexeril (which I have no choice but to take for the severe pain, because the herniated disc is pushing right on my sciatic nerve and the pain is unrelenting). The Xanax seems to be helping with the panic attacks - at least with the heart attack symptoms and the feeling of not being able to breathe. I hate taking medication but I've surrendered to it now - it's what helps at this point and I'm not going to fight it because of what I think I "should or should not" do.
Anyway, that's all I feel like sharing for now. My heart goes out to everyone in this thread. Only those who suffered similar abuse can really understand the effects it has.
i am so glad you all are posting here>>>>what i have found helps me is just getting it out and venting and seeing i am not alone cause for so long i was very much alone and that was way before the internet
i will try to stay on here as much as i can< i want too but i get defensive and then i get upset and its not good for me>>i hate when people tell me to get over things to have faith in god or to think good thoughts or that it must be me caues i am not full of positive engery>>>or that i am not doing ok cause i have no faith in god>>>its gets to me and it gets old really quick
i also avoid confrontations with people cause i could never stand up to my abusers< i still can"t and nor do i want too< i just went away one day< changed my number and addy adn left i could not deal with the pain any longer all the cruel tactics and naracisstic behaviors were too much for me to handle i was crying twentyfour seven was not healthy
thank you guys it means alot that you all posted here and shared i know that is hard and even scary to do but it also helps us all in the long run too to not feel so isolated or crazy thank you very much
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