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29 year old female. Very independent, career oriented, and pretty successful. Just bought my own home about 10 months ago. I love the home.
Recently, I've been feeling extremely overwhelmed. I work full time at home currently. But I have so many projects to do, and truthfully I can't do it all on my own. I feel like I'm struggling. I brokedown today over it. Feeling like I just need help and I have no one to help me. My family comes to help occasionally, but I can't rely on them. I am feeling so down because I don't have a boyfriend or someone to help me. I don't want or need a boyfriend, but man I sometimes just get overwhelmed trying to do things that are way too hard for me as a single girl. Currently, I can't even mow my lawn because I ran out of gas and have no idea how to get gas for my mower. I rely on my dad for that but he's been busy lately. I'm sweating to death because I rely on dad to put in my window A/C units. I can't lift the units myself. I dying in here.
I have so much to do outside in the yard. I'm new to that stuff and figuring it out. But it's costly and it's hot and I'm trying so hard by myself. My refrigerator is broken and I'm trying to fix it/defrost it hoping that works. All my food is currently all over my kitchen going bad in the heat. Condensation everywhere. I became overwhelmed just wanting some help today and no one to turn to to even support me. I need a weed wacker to do some yard work but again my dad has one. I can't afford one right now. Dad has been busy lately to come help. I try to decorate and make things nice, but I get to the point where I need someone to help lift something or just a help with a big project.
I have so much painting to do and gardening and cleaning and organizing and things keep breaking down and all my friends keep begging to come see the house and I don't want anyone seeing it now.
I'm running out of money and just wish I had someone to help me. I look around loving that I have this home and it's come a long way, but I also look around feeling overwhelmed.
Anyone else feel this way? What should I do about it?
29 year old female. Very independent, career oriented, and pretty successful. Just bought my own home about 10 months ago. I love the home.
Recently, I've been feeling extremely overwhelmed. I work full time at home currently. But I have so many projects to do, and truthfully I can't do it all on my own. I feel like I'm struggling. I brokedown today over it. Feeling like I just need help and I have no one to help me. My family comes to help occasionally, but I can't rely on them. I am feeling so down because I don't have a boyfriend or someone to help me. I don't want or need a boyfriend, but man I sometimes just get overwhelmed trying to do things that are way too hard for me as a single girl. Currently, I can't even mow my lawn because I ran out of gas and have no idea how to get gas for my mower. I rely on my dad for that but he's been busy lately. I'm sweating to death because I rely on dad to put in my window A/C units. I can't lift the units myself. I dying in here.
I have so much to do outside in the yard. I'm new to that stuff and figuring it out. But it's costly and it's hot and I'm trying so hard by myself. My refrigerator is broken and I'm trying to fix it/defrost it hoping that works. All my food is currently all over my kitchen going bad in the heat. Condensation everywhere. I became overwhelmed just wanting some help today and no one to turn to to even support me. I need a weed wacker to do some yard work but again my dad has one. I can't afford one right now. Dad has been busy lately to come help. I try to decorate and make things nice, but I get to the point where I need someone to help lift something or just a help with a big project.
I have so much painting to do and gardening and cleaning and organizing and things keep breaking down and all my friends keep begging to come see the house and I don't want anyone seeing it now.
I'm running out of money and just wish I had someone to help me. I look around loving that I have this home and it's come a long way, but I also look around feeling overwhelmed.
Anyone else feel this way? What should I do about it?
Single female homeowner here, albeit this is my third house and prior to my marriage, I lived alone in various rentals that had some of the same house/yard keeping duties as those of an owned SFH, and my parents taught me a lot before I left their home, so I've a bit more experience with such things than the average first time homeowner.
Here's my two cents' worth and things that have worked for me:
*Triage all house and yard projects in their order of importance *and* affordability. Homeownership and maintenance is a series of never-ending projects, so don't get discouraged when you cannot do/have it all at once. Sometimes, even small DIY projects like painting or cleaning a room can give you encouragement when you're feeling like your house just isn't up to snuff. Heck, even a pot of flowers on the front porch can radiate a needed dose of good cheer. Baby steps.
For example, I started with a mini reno of my hall bathroom (new sink, lighting, replaced the crappy vanity with a mirror from another place in the house, new toilet and shower hardware, painted), which really helped to keep me motivated when all I felt like doing was crumpling up with disappointment that my house wasn't where I thought it should have been at the time. Five years later, and that bathroom still gives me joy despite the fact that I still need to re-grout the tile in the shower. The only things that I outsourced to a pro was the replacement and installation of the new plumbing fixtures and having the original toilet lifted and reset with a new seal.
*Keep a book with all household expenditures so the spending doesn't get away from you and you know what was done/replaced when and at what cost. See something that you like but cannot yet afford? Do as I did with many things--have patience and find things second-hand or wait until a sale or clearance. The latter is how I obtained pretty much all of my lighting in my house by finding fixtures that I liked on LampsPlus.com and waiting until they hit the "open box" section. Delayed gratification is a friend to both you and your budget while getting pretty much exactly what you want in the long run.
Even if it's only a few dollars here and there, if you haven't started an "OH S**T!" savings for the things that will break or need to be replaced at the most inconvenient times, start it with your very next paycheck. That way, when something like your fridge goes on the fritz, you have the funds to handle such an emergency.
Save for things that you see will eventually need attention or replacement,but are okay for the moment. I've been in my house for nearly seven years and I'm only now looking into having the central air replaced (it was broken when I purchased the house). The boiler to the house was original (1958), so replacing my heat source took precedence over the cooling source. Going to be glad to no longer have do deal with the window units, although I can get them in and out of the windows by myself, however awkward they are!
*Learn to do things for yourself, but at the same time, know your limitations. That lighting that I mentioned? Save the two ceiling fans which were installed by a local handyman, I installed all of them by myself. Super simple, super easy--just be sure to turn off the power before beginning work! Pay attention and take notes (mental or written) when your dad or tradesmen do work on your house and know that E-How, YouTube, and the local library are your friends when it comes to learning how to do for yourself.
Men aren't born with some innate knowledge of home repairs, although they do generally have the upper hand when it comes to physical strength. Still, you are capable of doing far more than you think! Take advantage of any and all free/low cost resources that you can in your quest to gain confidence and proficiency when it comes to caring for your house and yard.
*Start a list of reliable handy folks and trades folks for the things that you cannot or will not do for yourself as you find them. Next Door is a good place to start if you haven't already found, say, a plumber whose work you trust. You might even be able to find someone who will help you to install those unwieldy A.C. units on Next Door.
*Can't afford to buy something like a weed whacker or other household tools? You could either look on CL or FB Marketplace or even check out your local Buy Nothing group to see if someone has one that you could borrow. Other yard tools can be rented as needed, too, from a local hardware store, etc.
*Don't worry about your friends. Having familiarity with your past posts regarding them, they can just deal with it or learn to be helpful instead of critical! You have zero obligation to have them over to your house before you're ready to open it to them. It's all about boundaries. Learn to set and maintain them and in many aspects, your life will become much more manageable.
P.S. Get yourself a gas can and head off to the gas station and fill 'er up for that mower of yours. If your yard isn't overly large, you might want to look into an electric mower. I hate gas powered yard appliances, so I myself went super old-school and bought a reel mower (used, of course!), which in combination with my electric weed eater and manual tools, gets the yard work done just fine.
Also, keep a cooler or two handy as even a power outage can render your fridge useless and your food inedible. Even without ice or freezer packs, packing already chilled food into a cooler will keep it from spoiling for longer than one might think.
Keep your chin up and keep slogging through--you've got this even if it doesn't seem like it right now. (If I lived in your neck o' the woods, I'd be over helping you to install those window units in a flash!)
Last edited by Formerly Known As Twenty; 05-23-2021 at 12:55 PM..
Recently, I've been feeling extremely overwhelmed. I work full time at home currently. But I have so many projects to do, and truthfully I can't do it all on my own. I feel like I'm struggling. I brokedown today over it. Feeling like I just need help and I have no one to help me. My family comes to help occasionally, but I can't rely on them. I am feeling so down because I don't have a boyfriend or someone to help me. I don't want or need a boyfriend, but man I sometimes just get overwhelmed trying to do things that are way too hard for me as a single girl. Currently, I can't even mow my lawn because I ran out of gas and have no idea how to get gas for my mower. I rely on my dad for that but he's been busy lately. I'm sweating to death because I rely on dad to put in my window A/C units. I can't lift the units myself. I dying in here.
?
It's your house and your responsibility, so you have to get accustomed to knowing what needs to be done and prioritizing what needs to be done. It's nice that your dad can help, but you can't expect him to drop everything for something as simple as filling a gas can for your lawn mower. If you have it in your house fund, find a reliable local handyman from your neighbors who can install your AC units. Learn how to do simple things from YouTube and books. I've often had to put off chores that are merely cosmetic for ones that are more functional. Not everything has to be done at once. Having a house can be a lot, but you'll figure it out.
29 year old female. Very independent, career oriented, and pretty successful. Just bought my own home about 10 months ago. I love the home.
Recently, I've been feeling extremely overwhelmed. I work full time at home currently. But I have so many projects to do, and truthfully I can't do it all on my own. I feel like I'm struggling. I brokedown today over it. Feeling like I just need help and I have no one to help me. My family comes to help occasionally, but I can't rely on them. I am feeling so down because I don't have a boyfriend or someone to help me. I don't want or need a boyfriend, but man I sometimes just get overwhelmed trying to do things that are way too hard for me as a single girl. Currently, I can't even mow my lawn because I ran out of gas and have no idea how to get gas for my mower. I rely on my dad for that but he's been busy lately. I'm sweating to death because I rely on dad to put in my window A/C units. I can't lift the units myself. I dying in here.
I have so much to do outside in the yard. I'm new to that stuff and figuring it out. But it's costly and it's hot and I'm trying so hard by myself. My refrigerator is broken and I'm trying to fix it/defrost it hoping that works. All my food is currently all over my kitchen going bad in the heat. Condensation everywhere. I became overwhelmed just wanting some help today and no one to turn to to even support me. I need a weed wacker to do some yard work but again my dad has one. I can't afford one right now. Dad has been busy lately to come help. I try to decorate and make things nice, but I get to the point where I need someone to help lift something or just a help with a big project.
I have so much painting to do and gardening and cleaning and organizing and things keep breaking down and all my friends keep begging to come see the house and I don't want anyone seeing it now.
I'm running out of money and just wish I had someone to help me. I look around loving that I have this home and it's come a long way, but I also look around feeling overwhelmed.
Anyone else feel this way? What should I do about it?
I feel for you. It sounds like you rely on your Dad for a lot...which at 29 is not imo the norm. I think you should go get the gas for your mower. Wait until it cools off this evening to mow though.
Do you have any fans to use, while your air is broken?
If I was your Aunt, or big sister what I would say is, Sit down and write out your list of what you have to do for your home. Then decide which items you need your Dad's help with....and which you can (not want to, but can) do on your own.
Now prioritise the list of things that you can do on your own. Start with the basics....mow the lawn, wash windows, wash sidewalks, weed flower beds...(just examples) Also, make a list of the chores that you can do for free. This may help you feel less fear...because it is frightening thinking you won't have enough to do what you want. In this case, your priority is also critical, what can wait til next spring, or next windfall...what can you live without temporarily?
Place these lists on your frig. As you accomplish each task draw a red line thru it.....You will start to feel more and more like you are acc omplishing things, because you'll see the evidence.
It can feel overwhelming, day to day...especially since you are working from home. You are not alone...it has taken its tole on many and everyone is what they call Covid fatiqued .....
Make sure that your office at home is clean....get a box fan if you have too....hang wet towels on it...it helps cool the air. Keep this room seperate from your everyday home....So it may feel less overwhelming when your trying to do your home repair and maintenance tasks.
Work your way down your list. Ask your Dad if there is anything that you can help him with, so that it fees him up to help you with critical stuff like your air conditioning installation. It may help.
Sit down and count your blessings for being a home owner at such a young age...That deserves a pat on the back.....try to give yourself one day a week to just enjoy your home.....only do the basics like dishes etc.....relax, find a favorite spot to sit and enjoy your yard, or porch or backyard....give yourself the time to recoup so that it stops feeling overwhelming....one task at a time....slow and steady....Congrats on your home. Enjoy your life.
29 year old female. Very independent, career oriented, and pretty successful. Just bought my own home about 10 months ago. I love the home.
Recently, I've been feeling extremely overwhelmed. I work full time at home currently. But I have so many projects to do, and truthfully I can't do it all on my own. I feel like I'm struggling. I brokedown today over it. Feeling like I just need help and I have no one to help me. My family comes to help occasionally, but I can't rely on them. I am feeling so down because I don't have a boyfriend or someone to help me. I don't want or need a boyfriend, but man I sometimes just get overwhelmed trying to do things that are way too hard for me as a single girl. Currently, I can't even mow my lawn because I ran out of gas and have no idea how to get gas for my mower. I rely on my dad for that but he's been busy lately. I'm sweating to death because I rely on dad to put in my window A/C units. I can't lift the units myself. I dying in here.
I have so much to do outside in the yard. I'm new to that stuff and figuring it out. But it's costly and it's hot and I'm trying so hard by myself. My refrigerator is broken and I'm trying to fix it/defrost it hoping that works. All my food is currently all over my kitchen going bad in the heat. Condensation everywhere. I became overwhelmed just wanting some help today and no one to turn to to even support me. I need a weed wacker to do some yard work but again my dad has one. I can't afford one right now. Dad has been busy lately to come help. I try to decorate and make things nice, but I get to the point where I need someone to help lift something or just a help with a big project.
I have so much painting to do and gardening and cleaning and organizing and things keep breaking down and all my friends keep begging to come see the house and I don't want anyone seeing it now.
I'm running out of money and just wish I had someone to help me. I look around loving that I have this home and it's come a long way, but I also look around feeling overwhelmed.
Anyone else feel this way? What should I do about it?
Tell your friends it's a work in progress and you could really use some help. Invite them over to help you install your a/c units and you supply pizza. Have a painting party. You supply paint and brushes and snacks and they supply the labor. Having friends over doesn't always mean having a cocktail party for their entertainment.
It seems to me you have done your fair share with wedding showers, etc. so now it's their turn to give back in a way that is meaningful to you.
29 year old female. Very independent, career oriented, and pretty successful. Just bought my own home about 10 months ago. I love the home.
Recently, I've been feeling extremely overwhelmed. I work full time at home currently. But I have so many projects to do, and truthfully I can't do it all on my own. I feel like I'm struggling. I brokedown today over it. Feeling like I just need help and I have no one to help me. My family comes to help occasionally, but I can't rely on them. I am feeling so down because I don't have a boyfriend or someone to help me. I don't want or need a boyfriend, but man I sometimes just get overwhelmed trying to do things that are way too hard for me as a single girl. Currently, I can't even mow my lawn because I ran out of gas and have no idea how to get gas for my mower. I rely on my dad for that but he's been busy lately. I'm sweating to death because I rely on dad to put in my window A/C units. I can't lift the units myself. I dying in here.
I have so much to do outside in the yard. I'm new to that stuff and figuring it out. But it's costly and it's hot and I'm trying so hard by myself. My refrigerator is broken and I'm trying to fix it/defrost it hoping that works. All my food is currently all over my kitchen going bad in the heat. Condensation everywhere. I became overwhelmed just wanting some help today and no one to turn to to even support me. I need a weed wacker to do some yard work but again my dad has one. I can't afford one right now. Dad has been busy lately to come help. I try to decorate and make things nice, but I get to the point where I need someone to help lift something or just a help with a big project.
I have so much painting to do and gardening and cleaning and organizing and things keep breaking down and all my friends keep begging to come see the house and I don't want anyone seeing it now.
I'm running out of money and just wish I had someone to help me. I look around loving that I have this home and it's come a long way, but I also look around feeling overwhelmed.
Anyone else feel this way? What should I do about it?
Man, I hope you would have enough in savings to pay for a new refrigerator, or at least for someone to try to fix it. As well as paying for someone to mow the lawn. I'm a 40 year old widowed female and I pay someone to mow my lawn; I just don't have the time and would probably have trouble trying to start the lawnmower (my husband always did, but he would eventually get it to work).
Do you have any neighbors to ask to help you with the AC unit? My contractor was running behind schedule and couldn't get my mini-splits in until tomorrow so I asked my neighbors for help putting in the window AC (I can't do it myself either). I would put off the unnecessary things like painting and just ask your friends to wait. If they're true friends they will. If they won't then don't be friends with them anymore because they really are not your friends.
You may want to consider joining a church if you don't have helpful neighbors. If I didn't know my neighbor down the road, I would have called my friends at church for help with the AC. You may not be religious, but you could always attend just for the social benefits; churches welcome all and many there love helping others. You're alone and it sounds like in desperate need of some help. You may want to seriously consider it. I'm an independent woman too and I hate asking for help. But sometimes we just can't do what we need to get done on our own. I've been learning this a lot lately. I hope you'll give it some thought.
Do you have a home warranty? It might pay for the fridge. Meantime, get some bags of ice and put them in the fridge/freezer along with the food that hasn't gone bad. Toss the spoiled food.
Ask your parents and neighbors if they know a good appliance repairman.
As to your lawn. How might you put gas in your mower? You could take a gas can to the gas station, then bring it home and fill up the mower, right?
If you don't have $50 to buy a trimmer, either pull the weeds or cut them with a bread knife.
Once all these fires are put out and you've had a chance to relax, sit down and figure out how to build up an emergency fund. This really needs to take priority over gardening and decorating projects.
Do you have a gas can? If not, buy one. One that holds two gallons is ample, probably enough to last you all summer. Gas gets old so you don't want to store it over six months. Place a tarp or garbage bag down in the back of your car. Place can on top. I actually have a crate that I put my can in. The idea is you don't want the can moving around in your car or any drips of gas getting on anything. Go to gas station. Fill can. Take home. Easy peasy.
As for the refrigerator, that's probably the most important thing you've mentioned on your list. Go to Home Depot or similar store. Buy a new one. Usually the fridge isn't worth fixing. There's an appliance shortage currently so you might not be able to get exactly what you want. They will deliver new fridge and take away the old one. You may need to settle. You can also try to find used appliances. Google to find a place near you.
You need to start a fund for home repairs. A weed whacker is nice, but you can cut them by hand. You can also spray them out. You can buy weed killer that comes in a bottle and attaches to the end of your hose. You can buy Round up (kills grass, weeds, everything) or you can buy Crossbow which kills broadleaf and leaves the grass alone.
You can Google how to do things.
You can maybe pay some teenage neighbors 10 bucks to lift up the air conditioners for you. I can lift a window air conditioner and I am a woman. I did it last summer, and yes, they are heavy.
You could also ask a girlfriend to come over and help you lift them.
Home ownership can be stressful. It's also rewarding. Don't expect to get everything done at once. Don't ever put off roof repairs. Protect the inside by protecting the outside first. Pretty decorations are nice, but not as important as keeping the home in good repair.
Thank you all. You made me feel so much better. I think I finally broke down because everyone is all "when can we come see your home?" and inside I'm like ahhhhhh I have so much to do.
I have a close friend coming next weekend. She invited herself, so now I'm panicked. But I forget that this one close friend is a single retired woman who bought a similar home to mine and went through all this. She'll understand not everything being perfect. I'm trying!
Thank you all. You made me feel so much better. I think I finally broke down because everyone is all "when can we come see your home?" and inside I'm like ahhhhhh I have so much to do.
I have a close friend coming next weekend. She invited herself, so now I'm panicked. But I forget that this one close friend is a single retired woman who bought a similar home to mine and went through all this. She'll understand not everything being perfect. I'm trying!
While I'm glad that you're feeling better, enjoy your upcoming houseguest and in future try to set boundaries rather than allow others to impose their will upon you even with the best of intentions. Hopefully, your friend will be able to give you insight and perspective that your other friends and family cannot.
If you're not the kind of person who can handle the notion that people are there to visit you and not to judge your home (easier said than done, I know!), it's really not worth the stress and anxiety to have them over to visit until you feel as though you're prepared to have guests.
At the end of the day, as long as the main areas are clean and the clutter kept to a minimum, most people don't notice the details that we who live in our homes on the daily tend to do.
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