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I think I've got a form of PTSD from my Ex, too. There are a lot of times I've had to consciously release fear and expectation that my husband will react to something in the way that my ex would have, I still have memories that make me tense and sweat, a knot forming in my stomach, that keep me up at night.
We have EVERY right, to say, "I am not in a place to deal with this. Not now. Not in my foreseeable future." I guess that I am asking of you, and of me, and of those of us who have been hurt by mentally ill people, to take care to frame it as something we do for ourselves, that is not in judgment of others so much as in a spirit of caring for ourselves and honoring our own needs.
You know what? I decided at some point, too, that soldiers and veterans were not a good choice for me. That was also connected with my Ex. Does that mean that I have judged them as bad people, incurably broken people or incapable of a healthy relationship? Hell no. Not at all! But I'm just allowed to say no thanks, not in my life, not in my house.
We don't owe anybody a date, sex, a relationship, a chance, or the time of day.
I just stop well short of saying that they are not ever CAPABLE of finding a happy and healthy outcome. It's hard enough without me throwing that kind of shade at 'em. I even hope my ex finds his happily ever after. In a land far, far the heck away from me. lol
My current set off my 'PTSD' the way he verbalizes his - hoo boy, that was hard at first.
I physically ran away from his ranting once, even though it was to me not at me, my brain processed it the same after half an hour, and he never did that again.
He walks out, verbalizes to someone else. I can hear his concerns in a soft voice, not the ranting voice.
It's often not as hard as one might think to make simple adjustments. I am not saying you should ever adjust any way you don't wish to. Just talking on the topic.
Interestingly, this has turned out to be good for him too. Prolonged ranting amps one up, it doesn't soothe.
Wanting to come back in, he keeps his rants short.
I say, just know yourself and what you want and don't want in a relationship. It's not like the quote was an attack on insensitive people. For me, if in the quote you substituted "impulse spending" or "alcoholism" or any other of a number of phrases for "mental health," I would give that person a pass. But I wouldn't say I'm unfeeling, it's just that I know what I can and can't take in my personal life. And no matter what the issue, you are right, if you're in a relationship with someone, you will end up dealing with whatever isn't balanced or reconciled in their life.
Well stated. I have lived a while and I don't think I've ever known anyone free of problems of some sort. We don't know everything about another right off the bat and no one is perfect. What's good is if one is aware themselves of any issue and can ultimately be upfront about it.
If they are announcing they have mental health issues it seems to me that prospective dates would avoid them. OTOH, if they start dating someone and later the mental issue pops up and the person ends the relationship, the mentally ill person will end up with hurt feelings and a sense of having wasted their time.
So many posters on here talk about not being able to find a partner. Then they throw out that they have social anxiety, etc. They need to work on those issues instead of dragging someone else into their mess.
It's one thing to be in a long term relationship and have your partner develop health or mental or financial problems. It's a totally different thing to meet a stranger and say, yes! I want to by into his/her problems and make them my own.
I wonder how many people with mental issues want to seek out similar people instead of people they perceive as being strong enough to deal with all their mental issues.
I think there are those who will not even consider their having a mental problem or addiction, just seeking out others, dating, having sex, etc., before an issue surfaces that will affect another. So I'm saying, some will not really know whom they may become involved with.
I think I would rather have another tell me, if while getting to know them, that they have been seeing a therapist for anxiety, depression for instance, rather than being with one who is unaware of or not facing an issue.
As someone who is currently ending a r/s with a man who has a mood disorder and likely ADHD, I get it. It wears you down quick if untreated, and even when treated, you never have that sense of stability and normalcy with another.
Dating someone who understands your mental health is important.
There's people who will make you feel terrible for things you can't
or don't know how to control yet.
To me, that there alone cries "red flag!" However, this meme was intended for dating prospects (or those they are dating currently that may not be fully aware of their mental health issues), to...sympathize with their plight.
I'm sorry, but I simply can't buy into this narrative as I just see it as a red flag from the start.
The moment someone tells me about their PTSD or anxiety/panic attacks...I see that as red flag, but apparently, they see it as that we (the more stable ones who SEEK stable), should not write them off as dating prospects.
I really cannot challenge this person on social media though, as it'll just simply make me look bad.
Honestly, is there something wrong with me if I see this as a red flag? I don't, should we just say, "Okay you have mental health issues, so I'll (the stable one), will date you.
But the repercussions of dating that person will allow THEM to drag YOU into their personal hell. Am I right?
You date the people you want to date. No one is forcing you to date them. You don't like something? You don't do it. You find this or that to be a red flag? Guess what? No one is making you date that person. You got free will, man. Use it.
My current set off my 'PTSD' the way he verbalizes his - hoo boy, that was hard at first.
I physically ran away from his ranting once, even though it was to me not at me, my brain processed it the same after half an hour, and he never did that again.
He walks out, verbalizes to someone else. I can hear his concerns in a soft voice, not the ranting voice.
It's often not as hard as one might think to make simple adjustments. I am not saying you should ever adjust any way you don't wish to. Just talking on the topic.
Interestingly, this has turned out to be good for him too. Prolonged ranting amps one up, it doesn't soothe.
Wanting to come back in, he keeps his rants short.
I had to end things with a woman that, though she was in her 30s, was still suffering from some kind of PTSD from when she was married, for only a year, while in college at the age of 19. Surprised it still carried on for that long. She thought I was going to take a swing at her or something when she cooked something for me.
Apparently, when she'd cook something for her ex, if he didn't like the taste of it, he'd throw it at her. Sadly, this was a constant thing with her. Even after intimacy, she had triggers.
That's very interesting. Indeed. So the lesson you learned from that experience is that you shouldn't date women with mental issues. Very good. Now stick to it.
That's very interesting. Indeed. So the lesson you learned from that experience is that you shouldn't date women with mental issues. Very good. Now stick to it.
Thing is though, among some of my friends, when I would tell them this. I remember the last lady friend I told this to, about said woman I dated...her response, "Everyone has mental issues to a certain extent".
So it seems to imply it's a given for someone having some kind of issue you may have to deal with when dating them...and to say you yourself doesn't have ANY kind of mental issues, it seems she's implying, "Hey, even you, or Brentwood, or whomever...has mental issues we all may have to deal with while dating".
She's not wrong, to a certain extent, yes. Most people aren't the pinnacle of mental(or physical) health, and they still date. Many have dysfunctional relationships, broken families and so forth, but if people needed to be perfect to be able to date, then almost no one on this Earth of ours would go on a date.
And of course relationships are a give and take. I've put up with women who were so narcissistic and entitled that they wouldn't even deign to talk to the people who were talking to them, to the point of ignoring their own female classmates, because they weren't considered to be attractive enough to be in these young women's presence. But I put up with all of that immature behavior because these women were beautiful, and it does well to a man's reputation and allure to be seen dating beautiful women.
No one has the perfect relationship, and people make concessions all the time to date the people they want to date, it's up to you to figure out what you are willing to put up with, for whatever it is you are looking for in a romantic partner.
Thing is though, among some of my friends, when I would tell them this. I remember the last lady friend I told this to, about said woman I dated...her response, "Everyone has mental issues to a certain extent".
So it seems to imply it's a given for someone having some kind of issue you may have to deal with when dating them...and to say you yourself doesn't have ANY kind of mental issues, it seems she's implying, "Hey, even you, or Brentwood, or whomever...has mental issues we all may have to deal with while dating".
As if they were normalizing it.
Everyone does have their own issues, and it is normal to deal with them. What's the problem here?
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