Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Have you tried Meetup.com? Get out there and join some activities. I've met a lot of interesting people through Meetup, but I'm not going to lie, it does not get any easier. I'm terribly lonely also. So you are not alone, even though you really are.
I joined a choir last winter. I don't always love it but am slowly starting to get acquainted with people and it is one night a week i'm not on my couch.
In college, living in the dorms, people were always around. It was always fun. As the years went on, friends met other friends. People got more busy. But it wasn't bad. I started relying on my family more.
They always had my back and were there for me to talk to.
After college, I had a group of friends. We had a ball. We went out every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday as 23 year olds do. We always had things to do. Life was great, for maybe a year. People drifted. I started not wanting to party hard. I had work the next day.
I lived alone in an apartment. Starting staying in more watching movies alone, cooking, being alone. My family and I grew closer. Talking every night on the phone. They were always there for me when others let me down. I tried dating all through my 20s. But nothing stuck. I even started settling for losers just to have company. When I realized I was doing this, I stopped. I was worth more than these terrible men. Alcoholics, play boys, jerks.
I was an accomplished, educated, cute, responsible woman. So I stopped dating all together over 2 years ago.
I've spent this time building myself up. I bought a house. Adopted a pet. The pet helped with the loneliness, except it gets old when they can't talk to you.
Now don't get me wrong, I love MY time. I love having alone time. I'm very comfortable in my space. I like not having to share like roommates in college. But now, I'm 29, and the loneliness is killing me. It's nice to have my time, but I'm literally alone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week almost all the time.
I'm so used to silence that I run my TV all day to have some noise. I work mostly from home now.
My family is very busy with stuff at their home, so the nightly phone calls have turned into a couple times a week and very brief, barely a conversation. I have no one to tell my thoughts to, share my ideas, talk about my day with. It's killing me.
My girl friends are busy and married. They don't want to hear all about my life. They are busy with their own.
I feel so horribly alone. I've even been catching myself talking to myself recently. I just want someone to talk to.
I play music, the TV, take naps, work out. But I'm so unbelievably lonely.
Any advice on what to do?
You have to start meeting new people. Men for dating, and women for friendships. Find them anywhere you can. Doesn't matter where. A group activity is best. And get around people like you, in your age group, and with similar interests. It's all about interests. Want to 'talk' is NOT an interest. Talking comes with making friends. Making friends comes with doing things together. You have to do something together to make a friend.
I'm in much the same situation. At various times in my life (in fact, for MOST of my life), I've been surrounded by close family, friends, coworkers, and friendly neighbors. Now, through various circumstances, all have died, moved, moved on, gotten busy, or gotten left behind (as I regrettably moved and then unwisely retired). COVID has definitely not helped, as that ended the hobbies/activities I enjoyed in recent years with - if not true blue friends - at least acquaintances.
Yes, being alone all the time definitely gets old! So am following your thread...
I think at this stage, I'd really love to meet a guy. Have a relationship. I want a guy who is my best friend and more. Someone who I can talk to and who listens, and I offer that back. I feel ready for a solid long-term relationship. But I gained weight during covid and feel very self conscious. So am scared to put myself out there. I wouldn't even know the first thing on how to even get out there. I used to go out with my single girlfriends, guys would always give me looks, as they liked me. But now, I'm chunky. My girl friends don't go out. They are married. So I sit alone a lot. I do a lot of activities alone at home that I enjoy. But they are solo ones. Working out, cooking, watching my favorite shows, home decorating.
Please don't let your weight discourage you from dating. My older brother has always seemed to gravitate toward overweight women. His wife lost 70 pounds a couple years ago and she's still very heavy, to give you an idea. My brother is a little overweight, but not much.
In college, living in the dorms, people were always around. It was always fun. As the years went on, friends met other friends. People got more busy. But it wasn't bad. I started relying on my family more.
They always had my back and were there for me to talk to.
After college, I had a group of friends. We had a ball. We went out every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday as 23 year olds do. We always had things to do. Life was great, for maybe a year. People drifted. I started not wanting to party hard. I had work the next day.
I lived alone in an apartment. Starting staying in more watching movies alone, cooking, being alone. My family and I grew closer. Talking every night on the phone. They were always there for me when others let me down. I tried dating all through my 20s. But nothing stuck. I even started settling for losers just to have company. When I realized I was doing this, I stopped. I was worth more than these terrible men. Alcoholics, play boys, jerks.
I was an accomplished, educated, cute, responsible woman. So I stopped dating all together over 2 years ago.
I've spent this time building myself up. I bought a house. Adopted a pet. The pet helped with the loneliness, except it gets old when they can't talk to you.
Now don't get me wrong, I love MY time. I love having alone time. I'm very comfortable in my space. I like not having to share like roommates in college. But now, I'm 29, and the loneliness is killing me. It's nice to have my time, but I'm literally alone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week almost all the time.
I'm so used to silence that I run my TV all day to have some noise. I work mostly from home now.
My family is very busy with stuff at their home, so the nightly phone calls have turned into a couple times a week and very brief, barely a conversation. I have no one to tell my thoughts to, share my ideas, talk about my day with. It's killing me.
My girl friends are busy and married. They don't want to hear all about my life. They are busy with their own.
I feel so horribly alone. I've even been catching myself talking to myself recently. I just want someone to talk to.
I play music, the TV, take naps, work out. But I'm so unbelievably lonely.
Any advice on what to do?
On your off days from work, do you get out at all? I'm recently single (breakup 3 months ago) and I try to stay really busy doing things I enjoy and it's helped me so much. Do you like Flea Markets? That was always a good way for me to get out and enjoy myself, even if alone. If you would get out more, you will make more friends. Try joining a group, such as dance lessons, art, etc. whatever you like to do, or better yet, something you've always wanted to do and never have. As you think of things just write them down and start going. You will more likely meet friends (girlfriends) in a group, ceramic classes for example. I understand your lonliness, before I met my EX boyfriend I was like that. It can be overcome, you just have to get creative and go! Good luck !
I agree that you sound very self-aware. And I think there is widespread loneliness right now -- probably always, but certainly at this time.
I know how it feels when all of your connections are too busy for you.
Since you asked for advice, what I'd advise is:
(1) Get out for a 1-hour walk, once a day, rain or shine. Just do it even if you do not feel like it (and even if you have to drive to get to the place to walk). Just FYI, often you will not feel like it, but then it feels great once you're in the middle of it, and when you're finished with it.
(2) Pick a random project to commit to, outside the home. One summer, I decided (by biking around) to learn all the street names and sequences within a very large range of my house. Another summer, I walked over to a large museum near our house several times a week, and learned the entire layout of the museum. The point is not that these were totally engrossing projects, they were just SOMETHING to set as a goal that got me out there.
These things will NOT, in themselves, help you meet people, but they will shift your perspective and the exercise portion will make you feel better.
The other things I would suggest are volunteering, even 2-3 hours per week, just about anywhere. Is there a local hospital that needs volunteers, or a Ronald McDonald House?
And last, I'd find a therapist. This will likely help enormously. I heard this website advertised on our local fine arts station: https://www.betterhelp.com/
Good luck, and good for you for reaching out with this thread.
I think this is the best advice. Psychologytoday.com has therapist listings also.
I've been where you are and some days I still am, despite being remarried. I was alone (mostly) for over a decade and it was brutal. I took an improv class, did meetups (mostly a waste of time), joined a mens groups (both religious and non-religious), etc. My problem was and still is where I live. Yeah, I have friends, but they are all also married with kids and I haven't even been able to do much with them besides have the occasional drink. You're only 29, but times have changed. It was much easier for me when I was your age. I made friends at work and we all did happy hours together. Some of those people are still my friends 20 years later. But people just don't socialize like we use to. I don't understand it, but it is what it is.
As another poster mentioned, I will also follow your thread because I can relate.
Mandi, after reading so many of your threads on the other subforums, I really think you need to work with a counselor. The patterns you display throughout your threads show all kinds of unhealthy behaviors and ways of thinking. You've been asking people on this website for help for over a year now and it doesn't seem like any of the help anyone has offered you has done you any good.
From your threads I see patterns of you taking things entirely too personally, being judgmental of others, expecting more from others than they can reasonably provide for you or could be expected to provide for you given the circumstances in which you know them (ie., expecting too much by way of friendship from people you work with), social media drama, a penchant for "frenemy" behavior, and trouble creating and enforcing boundaries with people who you say treat you poorly.
If I recall, you are in counseling. At this point, a year along, I suggest you ask yourself if you are doing the work your counselor suggests that you do. I am not trying to be harsh, but I see such little progress.
Mandi, after reading so many of your threads on the other subforums, I really think you need to work with a counselor. The patterns you display throughout your threads show all kinds of unhealthy behaviors and ways of thinking. You've been asking people on this website for help for over a year now and it doesn't seem like any of the help anyone has offered you has done you any good.
From your threads I see patterns of you taking things entirely too personally, being judgmental of others, expecting more from others than they can reasonably provide for you or could be expected to provide for you given the circumstances in which you know them (ie., expecting too much by way of friendship from people you work with), social media drama, a penchant for "frenemy" behavior, and trouble creating and enforcing boundaries with people who you say treat you poorly.
If I recall, you are in counseling. At this point, a year along, I suggest you ask yourself if you are doing the work your counselor suggests that you do. I am not trying to be harsh, but I see such little progress.
^ Yep. Seija is spot-on.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
