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It's even more difficult if you happen to be a woman who prefers male or at least mixed company to "just the girls" (that's also me as an INTJ). Sadly, "girls" are all that are left after a while!
If dating is what you want, perhaps you should try to date at whatever size you are, because if weight is an issue, it will always be there and better you find someone who sees and likes you as you are.
The whole putting off life for a long time until an ideal self is achieved might backfire as it turns into years. Certainly, work towards whatever health goals you have because you want to do so.
I feel for you. I think society would say that lonliness is probably up there w/ one of the worst feelings in the world. I personally don't get lonely. I honestly don't. I guess some people never get used to not having friends/people around if they're used to having all that before.
I'm an only child & never really had friends my entire life. I was never part of a group of friends EVER. I never went away to college...always still live at home w/ parents during the college yrs & that was fine w/ me. I don't know what it feels like to ever go out w/ a group of friends on a Fri or Sat night. Heck, I never really regularly talked w/ anyone on the phone at all...except a boyfriend. I had a pal here & there at a few different times in my life & the few to several or so times we met up, it was just the two of us (since it was never a group). Looking back, I literally had 5 pals in my life (& none of them knew each other), but I know I wasn't best friends w/ any of them. They had their own (much closer) friends too whom I never knew. Other than family get togethers, I've never been to a party in my entire adult life. I never knew that many people to throw one or go to one. That's just how my life went.
However, I have had a SO since I was 18, but they were good guys, so it wasn't just some guy just to have so I wasn't alone. I can stand alone. The boyfriends I had, I met them both at whatever work I had at the time. The 5 pals I've had, I met through school, work, or believe it or not, jury duty once.
That's the story of my life & what I mean is that I don't personally think my life is lonely, but others would probably say so if I told them how my social life has been.
Another thing I hear/read people say is that, "to have a friend, you have to be a friend." I know I make a good friend. It's if I ever meet one & I never tried to seek them out like volunteer somewhere or go to meet-up groups, etc. My motto always was, "Friends are nice, but I don't need them to be happy."
I truly don't know what advice to give someone on how not to be lonely. I don't know if a person can truly ever get used to solitude if they never used to have that before. I guess just get involved w/ activities so you meet people.
In my opinion the lonely/alone does not start in college....college is more where it manifests....it is very hard to start from 0........
There are little kids who are lonely, there are teens who are lonely. There is a lot of attention for lonely elderly but it is an issue in all age groups.
One thing I did after 45 was expand the search for friends from females my age, similar interests and mutual hobby/hobbies to will give it a try...and got some online friends via forums. My s/o of 39 years dislikes it and does not understand the forum friends thing.
Forever Blue, if you've "always had an SO" who is someone you truly connect with (not just any random warm body), then you have a best friend and are not alone. I wouldn't count the fact that you don't have dozens of girlfriends for a Girls' Night Out reason to consider yourself "lonely." You may be physically alone at any given time, but you're not alone in the world as long as there's someone somewhere you love who loves you. JMO.
Forever Blue, if you've "always had an SO" who is someone you truly connect with (not just any random warm body), then you have a best friend and are not alone. I wouldn't count the fact that you don't have dozens of girlfriends for a Girls' Night Out reason to consider yourself "lonely." You may be physically alone at any given time, but you're not alone in the world as long as there's someone somewhere you love who loves you. JMO.
Right & I have always said that I have an SO in threads of this topic. However, a romantic partner is different from a close female friend aka bestie to just hang out w/ which I've never had (the latter). And we do know people can be married yet feel lonely. There's people out there like that everyday. I still wanted to post my experience to the OP even though I'm not lonely personally. People are allowed to post to empathize, etc. to threads after all even if they themselves haven't been through the exact same thing. People do that all the time.
I think there is lots of good advice here. I would strongly encourage trying meetup or perhaps in your area nextdoor or facebook- to see different groups and activities.
It's not easy to get out there and connect with people, but you do have to get out there to do it.
I find that when I go to some activity ( and thankfully now they are happening again so I know the last year or two with covid has really accentuated the lone-ness for everyone really), usually I would say there is no one I would be great friends with. However, the more you are around people, the more comfortable you become, and little by little I find areas or things we have in common.
One small example- I do go to several book clubs because I love reading. (again, the last 2 years they were mostly on zoom so that sucked). Initially, I did not find people I was wild about but it was still nice to be among people and have a reason to gather. I forced myself to be outgoing and exchanged numbers with a few people........I initiated "doing" something. Maybe one of three was receptive and we actually did something. ( We went for a walk in a park- easy, not a big time or $ investment ). Still nothing came from that for a few months, but then she invited me to something. It takes time and nothing happens overnight but for sure nothing happens if you stay home and don't reach out.
I also agree with setting a goal like 3 times a week you have to call someone or email someone even if it's just "I was thinking of you and thought I'd check in on you.".
You have to plant the seeds. It takes a while but it does come through.
Yes loneliness is a pain to deal with. Have had many lonely spells in the past and makes me suicidal. It's difficult to endure but just have to take things one day at a a time. Realize it's all temporary anyway (not including those with terminal medical issues etc). Time never stays still and we are always going.
You recognize you need socialization so that's key. Try church or a club. Are you interested in growing vegetables, playing a sport, board games, etc? Start a meetup group if you cannot find one that interests you. We enjoy board games and poltuck nights. Advertise for a part time room mate, weekends only. Craigslist is a fantastic resource.
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