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reverse the role,you are the mother and she is the daughter,order her around and throw away things YOU dont like.
Are you for real or are you being sarcastic? Even if you are being sarcastic it is the wrong advice to give on an open public forum where some people reading it will take the advice seriously and follow through on it. You should know better than to make such sadistic suggestions.
I disagree vehemently with your brutally vicious advice. Treating a parent or any other person with disabilities as though they are a useless animal with no autonomy who can't do anything for their own self is cruel, insulting, demoralizing, dehumanizing, abusive behaviour that strips them of any remaining personal dignity that they might have once possessed. And it's domestic abuse, it's against the law.
I have offered to hire someone to clean her house, but like most hoarders, she doesn't want someone just going through and throwing stuff away. She wants to be there to sort through all of it. I helped her clean one room and it took forever because every piece of trash has to be sorted to make sure it's not "keep stuff". The kitchen is easier because all of it is trash. Every time I visit I clean the kitchen and next time I come back out, the kitchen is the same mess it was before.
As far as I'm concerned, the doctor does absolutely nothing. Meeting once a month isn't therapeutic in any way. With her current condition, she needs to be seeing someone weekly. My guess is her therapist doesn't actually know actually what's going on and I'm not sure the therapist is allowed to communicate with me in any way.
The bad thing is she completely lacks the motivation to do anything. Even finding a new therapist is too much for her. I've found some names for her and have offered to call them and set up an appointment and she says "no, that's okay, I can deal with that later".
If the therapist isn't allowed to communicate with you that doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to inform the therapist by mail with copies going to other persons of interest so the therapist knows that other people are also being made aware of the situation. If the therapist doesn't know what's happening and your mother is withholding information from the therapist then somebody needs to inform the therapist about all of the concerns ...... that somebody is YOU.
If your mother is taking meds that are effecting her driving skills and cognitive abilities and making her behave slow like a zombie (your own words in your original post) then she should NOT be driving a car under any circumstances. It's your responsibility to inform the physician that is prescribing the meds about what is happening to your mother. The therapist can't afford to be charged with criminal negligence and malpractise if your mother kills somebody with her car because of the meds that the therapist is prescribing for her. The therapist MUST take interventive steps to help correct the situation that's being caused by possibly mis-prescribed meds. The therapist must take responsibility.
I have offered to hire someone to clean her house, but like most hoarders, she doesn't want someone just going through and throwing stuff away. She wants to be there to sort through all of it. I helped her clean one room and it took forever because every piece of trash has to be sorted to make sure it's not "keep stuff". The kitchen is easier because all of it is trash. Every time I visit I clean the kitchen and next time I come back out, the kitchen is the same mess it was before.
There are individual cleaners and cleaning services that specialize in this issue, if she lives in a major metro area. It'd probably be easier for her to work through it with a stranger she's never going to see again for whom this is just a job, than with her own kid and all the issues that come along with that. The key is maintenance once the cleanup is achieved, and that's where hiring a regularly scheduled cleaning service comes in.
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The bad thing is she completely lacks the motivation to do anything.
That's pretty much the definition of clinical depression, so yeah.
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Even finding a new therapist is too much for her. I've found some names for her and have offered to call them and set up an appointment and she says "no, that's okay, I can deal with that later".
She probably doesn't want to go meet a new therapist. Building a working relationship with a new therapist is a lot even when you're not too depressed to leave the house and go interact with a new person. That's why I'm suggesting setting up an account for her on a service like BetterHelp where there's less of a gauntlet to run
Can't believe what you've written in this thread. Not only was it dangerously misguided it was dismissive and unkind. Just stop.
what is wrong with asking her to help herself?
If she wants to live,she will,unless she has lost her will to live or live in a pigsty/
Most outside help does not work,
I talk to her on the phone about once per week and it always turns into a 2hr phone call because she's venting to me about how terrible her life is and how depressed she is. Complaining about my brother, complaining about her house, complaining about her therapist, complaining about her dentist. Nothing ever positive. The conversation is entirely dominated by her and how sad her life is.
My mother is the same way, maybe not as clinically depressed but older. It's important not to let this ^^^ get you down. They are not going to change, they actually feel empowered and at their best when complaining, moaning and raging against the world or against their bad luck (mine's been quite lucky).
I think it's best to develop a callus of quiet contempt toward them rather than taking the negative, toxic ride with them all the time. If not, your own long-term "happiness" will be compromised, perhaps daily. You've got more time left than she does and you have not dropped the ball.
You can still love and support her while thinking she is wrong, wacked, selfish, rude, etc.
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or are you being sarcastic? Even if you are being sarcastic it is the wrong advice to give on an open public forum where some people reading it will take the advice seriously and follow through on it. You should know better than to make such sadistic suggestions.
Can't believe what you've written in this thread. Not only was it dangerously misguided it was dismissive and unkind. Just stop.
