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Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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When we moved to another state we had 3 kids in school.
The oldest was 14, in middle school, and what softened the blow for her was that here she got her own landline so she could call old friends. As it turned out she made new friends here very quickly, and it turned out to be an easy transition.
The second was 10, and in elementary school, and nothing seemed to phase her at all, she had many friends but none that were that close that she would miss them badly.
The youngest was 5 and starting Kindergarten, so he hadn't made any friends yet in our old town, with no neighboring kids his age near us.
None of them have any contact with their old friends from the old state any more.
Staying in one place their whole school career is easy for kids, but life is not easy, so I think in the end a move makes them stronger, and more adaptable in later life.
We moved my son from public to Catholic school starting in 5th grade. It was not a hard adjustment at all. They wrecked the public schools in my town by splitting them up into several different buildings. The kids here all go to 5 different schools from K-12. There is no relationship building and no sense of community. When we moved him he would have been starting in a new school anyway with a different mix of kids and 2 years later moved again with another mix of kids. I think it's probably better to time the change when possible, like not moving in junior yr of high school or something like that.
ask any Army Brat what it was like to change schools every year or two. You adapt or you shrivel.
Cant explain my scenario in a short post, but my kid went to 4 diff schools before 4th grade, and then 2 during the pandemic. All new friends everytime, kid will be just fine. Then you go to mass events like a county fair, and "look, its so-and-so from 5th grade in front of us in line!"
Meanwhile, my best friend delayed a promotion to a VP/Director level position for 2 years, so that his kids could finish high school in the same place. He knew the culture shift from urban blue to rural red state would be hard on them all.
I guess we place so much care/emphasis on socialization during those early years, but when you get to college/military/corporate life, people come and go every 2 years. New friends is silver, old friends is gold...
Yeah, kids literally don’t care. Oh, they might cry for a few minutes. Then their new friends, new favorite teacher, new favorite classes and school quirks become the topic of conversation.
My other half was a Navy brat. He attended 11 schools in 12 years, 3 in one year alone. It was rough on him.
I attended the same school for all 12 years. I think I would have had a hard time adjusting to a new school.
My daughter decided, when she was finishing junior high, that she needed a fresh start. I told her to do her research, pick a high school, and we'd move into the district. It worked for her.
I grew up in a military family - we moved every 2-4 years until I finished high school. So I am not bothered about having to switch schools.
My son went to four schools in 5-6 years - and we never moved. He started at one middle school, finished at another due to a new MS opening and causing a rezoning. Started at one high school, then two years in our county did another rezoning to account for a new HS opening, and he got moved again.
He was not happy - in MS he was separated from his 2 best friends, then they joyfully reunited in HS, only to be separated again as a junior when he switched to a different school and they didn't. Fortunately, they game together and are on their headsets chatting away most evenings, so they are still best pals despite not going to school together for the last few years.
The unpredictable move - parents move cities, states, locations, rezone, etc - your child loses all their friends and starts over
Did this. Moved cities, languages, several schools. The kids visibly suffered, especially the oldest who started entering adolescence. There were a few difficult years (between the ages 10-14, with some attempts to enter the river twice, to return to the old life and friends, that didn't work out). But something happened between the ages 14-18 (time happened?) and overall now, closer to the college age, the kids have become more self-assured, make friends easier and let go easier: they seem to have found comfort with the meta-knowledge that the stream of life is changing/imperfect. This is a separate skill that I find as valuable (or more) as sticking with and finding solace only with a certain group of high-school friends. Not to mention becoming bilingual (En-Fr) which opens the world that much more for them.
I was a kid who was the “new kid” every 3 years or so just because my dad always wanted to move. Sometimes within the same state sometimes long distance. I suffered. Naturally quiet and shy, it was hard making friends only to leave. There were other disadvantages to all the moves (teachers saying “she’s not from here, therefore not getting into honor society” despite great grades).
Maybe some kids adapt well, but I wanted to give my own kids the chance to make lifelong friends and feel stability. We lived in one town 8 years, another town for 30. Both sons graduated from the same high school. They both turned out confident, happy, good problem-solvers, great parents.
We’re all different and moving is sometimes necessary. Personally, I would’ve loved to go to the same school system for many years.
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