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But it's the boy the OP is concerned about, so you may have relevant experience. Were any of your boys infatuated early on and talking about future plans as a couple, worried about a break-up if they don't go to college together, etc.? Or was the initial stage of dating more low-key in your sons' cases?
OP, how does your daughter feel about these early pronouncements? Is she put off by it, feel smothered by it, or on the contrary--feel it's "romantic"?
She is very flattered by it of course and feels crazy about him too, but has nothing to compare it to. So I told her that it's definitely a lot to be said so soon. She isn't the type who would think so far ahead, she said we have told her that often first relationships aren't the ones that lead to marriage (although they could). So she's feeling a bit stressed that the statements are making her think too far ahead and not live in the moment. College decisions will need to be made in a year or two. She has vocalized she plans to go away (as does he) and that both of them have parents who want them to go away to college, as well. So they do communicate a lot but the things he is expressing is definitely much more in depth than she would be at this point, as she's not a deep thinker in general. I also wanted to make sure she doesn't think all males are like this and that was never my experience in dating either.
I would just talk to my daughter about her future, and that she should enjoy having a boyfriend, but realize that it won’t last forever. Oh, and there’s the birth control thing too.
Done
I'm not sure what his family is saying, if anything.
I'm not sure what his family is saying, if anything.
Have you thought about inviting the boy and his family over for a very casual get-together? My concern with this is the boy could become obsessive over the relationship. I would say the intensity should wane some, and if not watch your daughter for relationship fatigue, where she doesn't seem as intense about the relationship, but the boy continues to ramp it up. That would be my only concern. Talking 2 years into the future at age 16, well, it seems a little much to me. Just make sure your daughter is safe with him, and that she doesn't end up being possessed by him. I would definitely want to be able to observe them together, casually, as you'll have a feel for how your daughter is feeling about the relationship as time goes on.
It's the first romantic relationship for both of them. I'd be quite surprised if it weren't intense. Teenagers in their first relationships have nothing to compare it with, so when the feelings start to gush like a river, it feels like it's the most intense thing that has ever happened to anyone in the history of the world. Perspective comes with time and experience, and so far they haven't had much of either.
OP, I'm not saying you shouldn't keep an eye on things. But at least given what you've said on this thread, I honestly don't think there's cause for concern. At least not at the current stage of their relationship.
My 16 year old is dating, first teen romance relationship for both but have known each other a bit in school. Young man professing love and already vocalizing, pondering or worrying about their "future" re college, staying together, etc. Would you view this wearing heart on the sleeve, excited young romance or too much too soon and level of attachment concerning? Comes from a good family, has friends, get along well with others, being a good caring part of their relationship. Just seeming super intense re the "future" talk so early on. Basically saying things that "might" cross one's mind but usually they would keep such thoughts to themselves for fear of scaring someone away too early on. I'm struggling with if this is within the range of normal/appropriate or concerning?
Better support and observe, because how are you going to prevent it?
Have a talk about pregnancy prevention and STD.
I think I would talk to her about how the purpose of dating is to get to know each other and see if they are compatible. Red flags may pop up and she needs to take those seriously and she should feel free to talk about them with you. But dating is also about having fun, learning how to be social with the opposite sex, learning about setting personal boundaries and sadly, learning how to survive a break up.
Ahh, young love. I got wrapped up in a few serious long term relationships in my teens. As long as they’re able to maintain their grades, extra curriculars, job, and social circle outside of their “soulmate”, it’s normal and healthy.
Two teenagers are dating, including mom listening the them on the speaker phone:>) Where do you come up with signs of future abuse, ...? If they end up at the same college so be it.
I'd be concerned about anything a teenager is doing. But.... they have to stretch their wings and you have to let them have some independence to learn about life. By all means, encourage her to have the boy over. But don't grill him.
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