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If you are Catholic, why were you agreeing to any kind of artificial birth control at all? Isn't that considered a sin in your religion?
Not trying to be mean but I just think if you are going to claim you cannot do X due to your religion it should apply to everything.
I am also completely shocked that two adults would think that using the restroom after sex is actually going to keep you from getting pregnant. I don't understand how you can get to be in your 40's and not have more knowledge about reproduction, virgin or not. I knew this stuff when I was 12.
So you knew his conditions when you married. If you end up pregnant then you'll be likely to be making a very clear choice but it's not like you didn't know...? Why would you agree to that when you knew you wouldn't be happy with it? Why would he insist on no babies and not get a vasectomy? Why would he allow you to tell him "no vasectomy" if he absolutely didn't want any children? Lots of confusing issues here.
Did he/does he see or support his first child?
I was going to say that because yes the Catholic Church opposes birth control (only natural family planning). They also oppose people marrying divorced people unless they get an annulment.
I am currently a non practicing catholic. I don't have a problem with condom. I don't care what my church tells us. My RIGID stance is when you conceive. Like if ever what will happen to the broken condom which none of us can control. I am VERY PRO - life. I agreed to what he wanted. That's why him using condoms and sometimes withdrawal method is fine by me. He even said he will definitely have vasectomy coz of what happened. I also did not say anything anymore.
It's not like I planned or wanted this to happen but accidents happen and I am NOT gonna do ANY type of contraception from it.
My husband should blame himself, like many of you said, if he is so against it, he should have vasectomy LOOONG asss time ago. He did not even ask me to take birth control pills maybe coz he know I will say no anyway.
I don't think he supports his child I think the ex got full custody seeing as he has no relationship with his son after divorce.
You are married to him but you don't know the answer to this?
If he did not support that child, why do you think he'll pay support if you are pregnant and have his child?
And again how do you get to be 40 and not understand how pregnancy happens? The "withdrawal method" is no method at all either. I am trying to understand, really, I am. Did no one teach either of you about reproduction?
You are married to him but you don't know the answer to this?
If he did not support that child, why do you think he'll pay support if you are pregnant and have his child?
And again how do you get to be 40 and not understand how pregnancy happens? The "withdrawal method" is no method at all either. I am trying to understand, really, I am. Did no one teach either of you about reproduction?
He does not want to talk about his first marriage. He said he will walk out the door if I insist on asking about it. Read my thread about our love story. He is secretive like that. I only know he took care of his son when he was a baby from his sis. He did confirm it to me though when I ask but won't say anymore.
He did tell me he got depressed after the divorce almost killed him/shattered him. I honestly dont know. He does not tell me a lot. I do know he is a good human being. That's why his no kids stance really puzzles me.
Look. I have no prob getting pregnant. My husband does. So I really just go with his method. Last night, was an accident. Nothing we can do about that.
I've never seen supposed adults more confused about sex and the workings of the human body.. Go to a pharmacy and get Plan B, the emergency contraception.
It prevents fertilization. It does not prevent implantation. That's why you can only use it in the first few days after sex. Preventing fertilization is not abortion because there is no embryo to abort. Causing an implanted egg to flush out of the body can be considered a chemical abortion. Plan B can't do that.
There is no reason a Catholic can't use Plan B. It is routinely used in Catholic hospitals for rape victims.
So go take care of this and make sure you can't get pregnant. Your marriage will thank you. Your hubby was upfront with you about not wanting children before you got married. He didn't just spring it on you.
Why would you think that he would change his mind now ? That's just not going to happen.
You should also consider that in your forties it is very hard to get pregnant. You don't have a lot of eggs left. Those eggs that are left are old and stale. Women in their forties have very high risks for miscarriage and birth defects.
That's because those old eggs begin to have chromosomal abnormalities. if you do get pregnant, your changes of miscarriage or producing a handicapped child are way up there. What do you think your husband is going to think about any of that in that he doesn't want a child to begin with. Are you willing to put yourself through this.
Can't believe you got married to man who doesn't want children thinking you're going to get him to change his mind. In real life that doesn't happen. He doesn't want to go through child rearing, teenage years, schooling, paying for college maybe, etc. at a point in life when he wants to retire from work.
But both of you really have to take better care not to get pregnant. He'll need that vasectomy and/or you need to get on the pill. Condoms are not the best means of preventing pregnancy- too high a failure rate. Can't believe that's all you're using.
Your marriage is in trouble. Maybe you two could also use some marriage counseling. You're not on the same page at all. You wanted one child so you married a guy who wanted no children. Weird.
I just ask my husband where he went. He said out, coz he feels like it. Rather than talk to me, he would rather do that. Plan B may not be abortion but I am not OK with it. Like I said , my husband is over acting about last night's accident, honestly I will just let him be a drama queen. And I married him coz I thought he isn't. Hopefully I get my period this month. So everyone will be happy but me.
Last edited by angelinajolie; 03-14-2013 at 06:26 PM..
I just ask my husband where he went. He said out, coz he feels like it. Rather than talk to me, he would rather do that. Plan B may not be abortion but I am not OK with it. Like I said , my husband is over acting about last night's accident, honestly I will just let him be a drama queen. And I married him coz I thought he isn't. Hopefully I get my period this month. So everyone will be happy but me.
You're not ok with saving your marriage by preventing a pregnancy? And you're a non-practicing Catholic? Yeah, sure you are. I think you're just hiding behind a religious cloak you pull out at your convenience so you don't have to make a decision yourself. You sound like you've lived a very sheltered life. Time to climb out from under that rock and start making some smart decisions.
You're not ok with saving your marriage by preventing a pregnancy? And you're a non-practicing Catholic? Yeah, sure you are. I think you're just hiding behind a religious cloak you pull out at your convenience so you don't have to make a decision yourself. You sound like you've lived a very sheltered life. Time to climb out from under that rock and start making some smart decisions.
Yes. An innocent life is more than worthy of my marriage. To me it is a GENIUS decision. Nothing I can do if I get pregnant. My choice is crystal clear. I don't know if my husband knows about plan B coz all of u are suggesting it but him whose suggestion that matters to me. Although my answer will still be the same. And I don't think our marriage will last if he did suggest plan B to me.
Yes. An innocent life is more than worthy of my marriage. To me it is a GENIUS decision. Nothing I can do if I get pregnant. My choice is crystal clear. I don't know if my husband knows about plan B coz all of u are suggesting it but him which is the suggestion that matters to me. Although my answer will still be the same. And I don't think our marriage will last if he did suggest plan B to me.
There is no life... so what you're saying is you want to throw away your marriage for nothing... while there's still nothing.
And if his suggestion "is all that matters to you", he's already offered you one. And it meant nothing to you. Quite frankly, you choose to do nothing in the hope you'll have a baby and have him finance it for you after he's left you. I think that's your plan.
^^^ The above is why I always tell my nephews to double-bag.
Yes. An innocent life is more than worthy of my marriage. To me it is a GENIUS decision. Nothing I can do if I get pregnant. My choice is crystal clear. I don't know if my husband knows about plan B coz all of u are suggesting it but him whose suggestion that matters to me. Although my answer will still be the same. And I don't think our marriage will last if he did suggest plan B to me.
Congratulations. This is the single most morally reprehensible series of posts I've ever seen on City-Data, and that includes that dude who spews racist posts all over P&OC.
We as a society (correctly) view it as abusive when a man forces a woman to get pregnant in order to exert control over her. This may not be quite to that level if it was indeed an innocent mistake. (Your husband almost certainly doesn't think it was, by the way. He was very likely checking that condom wrapper for pin holes.) But it's very, very close. If you do get pregnant it will be against your husband's will due to an affirmative choice on your part not to take your promises to him seriously, either by adding a more effective form of birth control before this happened or by taking EC afterwards. And then you have the gall to be offended that he's not jumping for joy! Unbelievable.
Yes, a child would ruin his life. No hyperbole. This isn't his first rodeo; he knows he doesn't want one, and he knows that down that road leads divorce, misery, and potentially lots of his money for most of the rest of his working life. I can't imagine that he married you thinking you were capable of this.
It would probably ruin your life too. You have every reason to believe he wouldn't be in this child's life -- and that's your best-case scenario. No father and no support. Or he could sue for custody just to spite you -- and win. You could find yourself paying him child support and battling over every childcare decision. It's been known to happen.
Your husband was an idiot to marry someone who wanted a kid when he didn't. Having done that, he was an idiot to rely on condoms as the sole form of birth control. And having done that he was an idiot to sleep with someone who was "pro-life." But make no mistake: you are the bad guy here. You convinced him to marry you by making a promise you clearly had no intention of keeping. Why? If all you wanted was a child you could've had one through adoption or IVF or a sperm donor.
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