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I would advise against bringing a child into this marriage. A woman who does not want to carry a child because of her "figure, or smoking", does NOT want a child. Period. Certainly her prerogative. Nothing wrong with that.
That being said, she is appeasing you by suggesting a surrogate. Sadly, these are the things that should have been discussed prior to marriage.
Carrying a baby, nursing for two years, sleepless nights, etc etc all of these things require sacrifice and a woman to prioritize her children. If she’s worried about sacrificing her figure and her cigs, and you want children, you picked the wrong woman to marry. When marrying a woman or a man you should consider how they would be as a parent. Not only are you choosing a life partner for yourself but you should be choosing a mother or father for your future offspring. You made a bad choice. Let’s see what else she’s unwilling to sacrifice as a healthy marriage requires a lot of sacrifice as well.
My wife is very scared about pregnancy. She doesn't want the pain, doesn't, doesn't want to ruin the figure and she will not be able to quit smoking. She has proposed surrogacy. Do you think it is a good idea?
This is why i dont have any biological kids & its the best decision i ever made!
I think some people here are being really judgmental. Addiction is a disease that is not easily resolvable and fears over pregnancy are not abnormal. Even if she is more worried than average, this doesn't mean something is seriously wrong with her or something. Maybe it does, but I think that's up to OP anyway to decide. Because your partner isn't the picture perfect image of what the squeaky clean American adult should look like means you should dump your wife because she is garbage, apparently. OP, this doesn't mean you shouldn't address these issues, I mean smoking is dangerous and my friend lost her mother all too soon due to smoking addiction, but you don't need to listen to all that internet strangers have to say if you don't find it helpful. That's between you and your wife. If it were me, I'd probably ensure I go to all my doctor's visits, talk about my symptoms to my doc, look into medications if recommended by the doctor if I was experiencing misery, and read books about the many stages of pregnancy so I can better understand what is happening to my body. If money is not an issue for you, and only you know your financial situation, then maybe you can look into surrogacy as an option.
Carrying a baby, nursing for two years, sleepless nights, etc etc all of these things require sacrifice and a woman to prioritize her children. If she’s worried about sacrificing her figure and her cigs, and you want children, you picked the wrong woman to marry. When marrying a woman or a man you should consider how they would be as a parent. Not only are you choosing a life partner for yourself but you should be choosing a mother or father for your future offspring. You made a bad choice. Let’s see what else she’s unwilling to sacrifice as a healthy marriage requires a lot of sacrifice as well.
I will say - not sure if this was a planned pregnancy or not - but she should have thought about this before she became pregnant if planned. Hate to say it, but if still early enough, she can abort.
Tell her to quit smoking even if she doesn’t have a child. I know plenty of moms who had two or three kids and they have great bodies.
Her body is gonna go through changes regardless. Eventually her assets may start pointing south a bit more. Even if she doesn’t have children.
This, however tell her she needs to quit smoking ESPECIALLY if she has kids, either through surrogacy or biologically. It seems cruel to me to subject kids to second hand smoke in a home. Maybe that's just me but I feel really bad for kids whose parents smoke in the home since the kids don't get a choice whether or not to breath it in or not.
This is why i dont have any biological kids & its the best decision i ever made!
I've had sciatica, shingles, multiple broken bones requiring surgery. I recently tripped over an ottoman, doing a faceplant that caused me to bite a huge chunk out of my bottom lip. Those were instances where a huge amount of pain occurred, lasting for months (shingles. If I ever have that pain again, I'm going to kill myself).
I also lost my lithe figure after menopause, though I go to the gym and run on a treadmill every day to avoid becoming the size of a shipping hazard.
It's been months since the OP responded, so we don't know the outcome of the situation. I do think that the objections and fears the wife raised were probably a mask over admitting something that is still relatively taboo: they don't want to be a mother. They really don't want to be a mother, despite saying so. That was probably out of fear of losing this guy. It does happen.
40 years ago, I was totally honest to any potential mate: I don't want to be a parent. Life is going to likely involve painful - sometimes horrifically painful - events. That wasn't a reason to reject pregnancy. Once I hit thirty and the scales began to go "ha ha! You ate that jelly donut and just gained two pounds!" I knew I'd eventually not be so skinny.
I remembered being a kid. I remembered my parents being ... parents. Even during the lulls of us not being so high maintenance, my parents didn't scintillate about their lives. I realized, even at the twerp stage of life that "being a parent" was not for me.
I really wish people could distill it to something as straight forward as that and not have to yammer over all these supposed excuses. You don't want to be a parent. That life path isn't for you. It's not about hating kids or vanity or the supposed freedoms of childfree people. It's a life role you can't picture yourself playing.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Remar123456
My wife is very scared about pregnancy. She doesn't want the pain, doesn't, doesn't want to ruin the figure and she will not be able to quit smoking. She has proposed surrogacy. Do you think it is a good idea?
O.P…any update? She should quit smoking if you have a baby or not. That’s like saying she wants a surrogate because she can’t quit drinking or she can’t eat healthy. It’s part of being a responsible & healthy adult for yourself, your partner & your babies, if you have any. She’s being selfish so she can stay hidden in addiction & taking it way too far. IMO, she’s not mentally healthy enough to be a good parent.
I suggest adoption. She won't ruin her figure and she is doing a good deed to society.
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