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Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist
While there's definitely a stigma, I have some mitigating factors. I'm male, and I live in a major city area. Plus, most of my friends and acquaintances are childfree too. So all I get in real life is mostly-benign questions like "When are you going to have kids?" For which, I have a jocular comeback: Grabbing at my heart, gasping like I saw a ghost, and saying "[Name of person], don't scare me like that!") After watching them get surprised, I politely explain that the answer is "never". Or if I know they'll rag me over it, I whisper in pretend discomfort that I'm infertile (this is false).
If anything, I get childfree-shamed a lot more here on City-Data, like when posting in threads having to do with kids or schools.
If they know it's never....they should stop asking....your friends should already know & everyone else shouldn't be asking.......
I don't get asked about it in my life much........but my friends know that with my current relationship, I'm not planning to have babies........some of them aren't either. AND...my parents just want me to be happy!
It's a disaster if someone who didn't want kids just had them anyways............
What's stopping some of them is wisdom and common sense. Single parents and their kids generally don't do as well on a variety of life metrics. Even liberal researchers admit this:
a wealth of research strongly suggests that marriage is good for children. Those who live with their biological parents do better in school and are less likely to get pregnant or arrested. They have lower rates of suicide, achieve higher levels of education and earn more as adults. Meanwhile, children who spend time in single-parent families are more likely to misbehave, get sick, drop out of high school and be unemployed.
While this is true, it can be attributed to the large percentage of single parents who became such by accident (not by choice) and thus, by way of common sense, they are not as emotionally prepared as (and often are much younger than) their married counterparts. In terms of single parents who actively choose their circumstances (and have stable employment, etc.) - the differences would probably be negligible. At the end of the day, it’s love (and ability to support a child) which is crucial to raising one. There are certainly many married parents out there who shouldn’t be. Also - how many end up divorced?
I have no skin in the game - but I think it’s a point worth making.
I never had children and never felt stigmatized. Sure, I was left out of some things as friends and family did have kids, but that's pretty normal, and honestly, to be expected.
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I never had children and never felt stigmatized. Sure, I was left out of some things as friends and family did have kids, but that's pretty normal, and honestly, to be expected.
If you don't mind me askkng...where do you live and did you choose to be childless? Those 2 factors make all the difference IMO
If you don't mind me askkng...where do you live and did you choose to be childless? Those 2 factors make all the difference IMO
Hawaii, the state that is 100% family oriented. The generation before all had like 7 kids each, and a bunch of cousins have four.
I wasn't interested in kids until after 35, and didn't know if I would be interested at all, and no one gave me a hard time. Then, it was too late, I couldn't have kids.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
While there's definitely a stigma, I have some mitigating factors. I'm male, and I live in a major city area. Plus, most of my friends and acquaintances are childfree too. So all I get in real life is mostly-benign questions like "When are you going to have kids?" For which, I have a jocular comeback: Grabbing at my heart, gasping like I saw a ghost, and saying "[Name of person], don't scare me like that!") After watching them get surprised, I politely explain that the answer is "never". Or if I know they'll rag me over it, I whisper in pretend discomfort that I'm infertile (this is false).
If anything, I get childfree-shamed a lot more here on City-Data, like when posting in threads having to do with kids or schools.
City data or any forum doesn’t reflect real life IMO, as things come off very different verbally than trying to explain something in writing. I’ve been attacked from many things on the sports, where I think in person the person would understand what I was saying and not twist my words the way they do on the forums. Can’t take one line out of contacts in a verbal conversation, well people do that all the time on the board.
I don’t think someone saying when are you going to have kids counts as a stigma or shaming. Those people are usually friends or family who care and genuinely want you to be happy. They just think that having kids will make you happy. Or in the case of parents, they just want grandchildren.They’re not really judging you though. I never took it that way in any case.
Most of us who say it isn't as bad as you say hold our opinions because we too are childless. I'm 57, and outside of a few well-meaning but annoying comments when I was younger, I don't feel the stigma.
Never felt it either. I usually heard "Good for you!" or "Too many people have kids that don't want them, so great you knew your own mind."
Grew up in CA, but lived in many other places---never heard it, or felt it. I'm sorry others have such negative experiences. Why should anyone else even CARE?
I think it's time to close this thread. The thread has been cleaned up multiple times, deleting personal attacks and off-topic posts. At this point, the thread has run its course.
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