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Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ddm2k
I'd much prefer someone who actually wants to be in the home (they're out there, I married one) and not feel they have something to prove to the world by being said "strong, independent woman".
Maybe from different generations you are right......but IMO if you graduated in the last 15 or 20 yrs, careers & college are a "normal thing".
Strong & independent is personality & attitude in how you approach life tho.....it's not just a job title like so many seem to think IMO. I know I can take on the world alone if that's what I want to do..........
[quote=ddm2k;57090793]I actually don't enjoy when women self-describe and lead with either of those two qualities. It comes off as standoffish like she's already putting walls up. Saying "strong, independent women still want partners, though!" is a farce, amounting to "I want someone I can keep within arm's reach, but keep them at arm's length". Sorry, not your man.
I'd much prefer someone who actually wants to be in the home (they're out there, I married one) and not feel they have something to prove to the world by being said "strong, independent woman".[/quote]
Maybe the strong independent woman doesn't feel like she has to prove anything one way or another? (Shrugging shoulders.) Maybe you're not even a blip on her radar.
I want a woman who is my equal. She supports me and I support her. We take our triumphs and losses together. You can be strong and independent without needing to cut your partners genitalia off.
The article stated a strong independent woman doesn’t need you. Fixing or doing something for my wife doesn’t mean I’m domineering my wife. It just means she needs help.
The article is absolute crap. No relationship would survive but I’m guessing that’s the point. This way she can say see I’m strong independent I don’t need you. Meanwhile you drove away a good man. It everyone knows you’re strong and independent
I want a woman who is my equal. She supports me and I support her. We take our triumphs and losses together. You can be strong and independent without needing to cut your partners genitalia off.
The article stated a strong independent woman doesn’t need you. Fixing or doing something for my wife doesn’t mean I’m domineering my wife. It just means she needs help.
The article is absolute crap. No relationship would survive but I’m guessing that’s the point. This way she can say see I’m strong independent I don’t need you. Meanwhile you drove away a good man. It everyone knows you’re strong and independent
I'm just not seeing why everyone is up in arms about this.
The writer didn't say she was going to cut anyone's genitalia off. She also didn't say fixing something for your wife is you dominating her.
Presumably, you and your wife entered into a union and partnership. In such situations, people have strengths and weaknesses, and each person steps up where needed.
Now personally, I don't have a problem with, or an issue with someone in the partnership NOT being independent, or not being strong. I'll go on the assumption that grown people go into unions for a variety of reasons, and if a person of consensual age enters into a union based on need, so be it. I don't hold that against anyone...
Or someone that says "I enjoy my work/career" or "My long term career goals are important."
There are now more women than men in the workforce. The 1950s June Cleaver stay at home wife doesn’t align with the reality of 2020. Today, the way to long term economic stability is a dual income couple where both log their 35 years in the Social Security system with strong earnings while contributing heavily to their 401(k). I’m 61. My fiancé is 59. Delaying to age 70, our combined Social Security income will be almost $90k. That and our retirement portfolios will keep us comfortable forever. The retirement math is really challenging doing it on one income and a traditional barefoot and pregnant wife. A 1%er can pull it off but someone making 10th percentile income is likely facing a pretty lean retirement doing it on one income.
Right? Kind of wondering if anyone actually read the blog, or got beyond the title. LOL
I read the whole thing.
And I said that I agreed with quite a bit of her content/points, until she got to the part where any self-respecting woman would be a feminist because otherwise you're not even on your own team or whatever (I'm paraphrasing from memory and hoping the gist comes across, not going back to read it again, I read it yesterday.) And that a man who wants to be with said proper feminist woman should ought to be dedicated enough to feminist causes to be listening to activist podcasts and so on.
I'm sorry, you can take away my "Strong Independent Woman" card if need be, but I'm not an activist, I'm not a feminist, I have no desire to slap a label onto myself and go join a march or a movement, though I respect anybody's right (and their dedication) if that is what they choose. I will argue the feminist side of many arguments, but I don't like to use the term itself because it has meant a number of things, causes a lot of conversational shut-down, defensiveness, assumption, and general foolery that makes it harder to discuss real stuff. I want to dig into the meat of whatever issues we might be talking about. Not just throw on some team colors and go to war. My dude, does NOT need to listen to feminist freaking podcasts. But his Great-Grandma was one of the pioneers of feminism and had a radio show back in her day, now that I would find interesting to hear, if I could.
The other thing that I wasn't thrilled with was the TONE of the article, which was, frankly, passive aggressive. She sounds like she is peeved at some specific person over some recent thing, and has attached it to other events and incidents in her experience, and decided that rather than writing a blog saying, "Get a load of this guy..." she would act like it's a big fat social outrage to be addressed towards some significant body of men out there. It's the blog equivalent of vague-booking.
But it is her blog. Maybe venting is what she uses it for. I dunno.
I think the other thing that is a bit divisive in general when it comes to how people feel about the "Strong Independent Woman" thing... It could mean something other than the successful career woman. Consider the image of a woman who says that, because she's survived a lot of hardship. To a lot of people, there is this nobility in simply surviving a ton of hell. "Strong and Independent" because what choice did life seem to give her? The (maybe reasonable?) question is...how much of that hardship was of her own making in full or in part, and is she able to stop making choices that lead to crisis, and take a more stable path? I've heard drug addicts (not recovered addicts, but present day addicts) call themselves that. I've heard huge drama queens say that, where the "don't need no man" sounded more than a bit like she decided this after no man would choose to stay with her loud, obnoxious self. Just like some of the men who have (not really) gone some particular "way" of their "own." They are strong and independent and don't need no woman!
She sounds like she's had problems with relationships and has found an excuse in that the problem is with everyone else (men) and not her.
No wonder she's frustrated, she wants an A+ guy....but that guy is going to have a lot better options than carrying her baggage.
I've seen that from guys too, one of my friends in particular and like the writer ended up bitter and jaded as well over his own bad decisions in selecting partners.
That's how I take anything like what is in the OP, whatever the subject matter is.
Anytime you have to tell a group of (religion, race, gender, etc) what THEIR problem is..... it's not them, it's you.
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I'm just not seeing why everyone is up in arms about this.
The writer didn't say she was going to cut anyone's genitalia off. She also didn't say fixing something for your wife is you dominating her.
Presumably, you and your wife entered into a union and partnership. In such situations, people have strengths and weaknesses, and each person steps up where needed.
Now personally, I don't have a problem with, or an issue with someone in the partnership NOT being independent, or not being strong. I'll go on the assumption that grown people go into unions for a variety of reasons, and if a person of consensual age enters into a union based on need, so be it. I don't hold that against anyone...
But this blog isn't for those people.
I wonder who it was aimed at, though? Men with one eye half open don't think that strong independent women are here to fix broken men, or that those women will need men in an unhealthy way. And men who do think that way and who go through life with both eyes clamped shut can't read her message. So who is it aimed at? Who is likely her audience?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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I agree with her points but the rage just ruins it for me.
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