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I wonder if part of the problem is that she's lived a lot of her life running or partially running a relatively small simple world more on her terms. Rarefied air of private family/home life. Now she has to breathe the same muggy air as the rest of the working world and she has no say who she gets to share it with.
Add inexperience. Here she is an older woman working with younger maybe less courteous folks because of that inexperience. Because of a lack of workplace calluses she may have a thin skin and possibly undeveloped skills (it takes time to learn how to disarm or dismiss the petty irritations of co-workers), she could present herself as high maintenance and not worth a manager's trouble. They may not see her as worth the investment. They know they can probably replace her with another brash younger person who won't be so sensitive. So, she ends up gone.
You didn't provide details about what lead to her divorce. Maybe that isn't relevant. She may have "learned" the best way to handle something she doesn't like is to give it up and get out. If she doesn't happen to like a new worksite's culture (co-workers, boss, organization, etc), she stops trying and allows it to fail. End result being it does...she's fired. End result being the problem no longer exists.
At some point the common denominator will rear its ugly head whether she comes to terms with that or not.
Last edited by Parnassia; 02-22-2023 at 06:16 PM..
Maybe your BFF doesn't care to keep a job, but she tells you she got fired or left because the crew was nasty or something? Unless all her bosses are very, very bad managers, they won't be firing a good worker because of the crew's petty griping.
If it is happening many times, I find it hard to believe it's always the "other guy's" fault. Some honest investigation into their role is necessary, but most people don't want to look in the mirror and pick out their flaws, then do something about it.
My advice is leave it be. It's her journey to learn and grow her way. I know you love her, but sometimes you've got to let it be.
Hm, I'm not really sure why she keeps getting fired. Does she do her job correctly, show up on time and is pleasant to everyone? I really don't see the need for being super talkative at work and talking about your private life. I personally would hate nosy coworkers who ask me personal questions about my life... like it's none of your business. Why can't people just do their jobs and go home?
I don't work with her so I don't know how she really is at work. I only hear her side of the story.
Sounds like she doesn't know any better. Jobs are really kind of irritating, that is why they pay you to show up. They don't care about your feelings or your preferences.
I think that is exactly it. She doesn't know better. She has lived in this bubble for several years not having to worry about bills, mortgage or anything and now she has to deal with what most of us have to deal with and it's shocking.
You didn't provide details about what lead to her divorce.
Cheating. Her husband was cheating on her. It was a really ugly divorce too and he tried his hardest to not give her anything but because they been together so long that was not an option and he became particularly nasty after that.
We are both from Sweden and when I moved to The USA I got a job right away working retail and eventually I went back to school. I have always worked. She never did and her husband never encouraged her to work because " he made enough money".
My friend is pretty shy when you first meat her and doesn't talk a whole lot. One of the things she always complains about is how nosy her new coworkers are and ask personal questions she don't want to talk about. I find it so odd. As a friend she is great fun and I just don't understand what the problem is.
How can I help her? Any advice would be appreciated. Maybe I don't see the obvious because of our background. Thanks.
Perhaps she doesn’t know how to deflect nosy questions and gets irritated or puts up such a wall it’s sets people off that she is uptight or a snob, or she just can’t handle it. If it’s not knowing how to handle personal questions perhaps you can role play and you both come up with a series of answers way to politely deflect questions or use humour.
In the process of doing that she may share some of the questions that you can see are not so much nosy but meant as getting to know your coworker questions.
^But what are nosy questions? I had a coworker from the UK who married another coworker. She told me he told her that when he started, he was put out by personal questions Americans asked him...like what town does he live in and where did he go to school. Those are not nosy questions to most Americans.
Maybe the questions the OP's friend sees as nosy are questions that most people don't see as odd.
Now if you are being asked about religion or marital status, I'd say yes, those are out of line.
I've never worked anywhere, where co-workers ask personal questions. I especially wouldn't ask someone from a foreign country where they went to school, because I know nothing about the schools or colleges in most countries, so any answer would be meaningless anyway. To me, it sounds odd that they wanted to know where the UK guy went to school.
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