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I always thought Imposter Syndrome applied to things like "stolen valor" where someone acquires military garb, medals, etc. and goes around pretending they served, were a war hero, etc.
With Youtube comments, posters can make pretend they are a family member or relative of someone famous and make comments like "that's my uncle". Or state they were at some historical event they weren't even alive for, etc.
I'm kind of wondering how much of this is generational--I'm GenX and identify with imposter syndrome quite often. The general demographic of this forum is Boomers and maybe older, which many, as we've seen by the comments here, never question themselves to the point where that's the stereotype of people their age.
I agree. This is not a new idea, I don't remember where I first heard about it, but it was years ago. Before 2019 even, I'm pretty sure (I don't watch Big Bang Theory anyways, though that may have been where it took off, as per the post just upthread.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShouldIMoveOrStayPut...?
I always thought Imposter Syndrome applied to things like "stolen valor" where someone acquires military garb, medals, etc. and goes around pretending they served, were a war hero, etc.
With Youtube comments, posters can make pretend they are a family member or relative of someone famous and make comments like "that's my uncle". Or state they were at some historical event they weren't even alive for, etc.
Sad really, when you think about it.
No, it isn't when you are literally an imposter. It's when you FEEL like one even though you may not have concrete reasons for that.
And as someone who has experienced this, I did have people put me down when I was a kid, and any area in which I was successful, someone was standing there ready to tell me not to be proud of myself or to "toot my own horn" because nobody likes a know-it-all or nobody likes if you "think you're better." So eventually I did grow up and develop some social skills and outgrew my "ugly duckling" years and became, OK, not gorgeous, but not bad looking. And people started to treat me differently. I arrived in high school with a lot of anger and a determination to just not give a damn what anyone thought, and perversely a certain number of my peers saw that as "confidence" and were drawn to it.
I have had very cool people at times, treat me like some kind of a VIP and I've wondered what I'd done to deserve that. I became popular enough in one large social group for a while, that I have been asked for autographs. I do not see myself as particularly special, so I find it strange and surreal. I don't know what other people see in me. Inside there is still an ugly, shy and scared little girl child that no one likes; I cannot ever forget how that feels. So when I experience social success, or when good men have found me appealing despite all the reasons I can think of why I could instead be rejected by other people...I do feel a kind of quizzical surprise. Some part of me decides that I must have them fooled into thinking that I'm more interesting than I actually am.
As fleetiebelle mentioned...some of this could be related to some of the stuff going on with Gen X. We were the first generation in America to have parents who got divorced en masse, whose parents usually both worked, the first wave of latchkey kids... We were left to run feral. No one care where we were or what we were doing. Sometimes I frankly look back and wonder how much my parents even cared if I lived or died, compared to the concern I had for my own sons' wellbeing when they were kids.
It is a weird thing, I know that I and many other Gen X people kind of wildly vacillate between a kind of "I've got this" bad-assery, and "I have no idea why anyone thinks I know what I'm doing."
And I think that the generations coming up behind us, had opposite problems that may have led to even more of this. We raised them, determined not to make whatever mistakes we believed that our parents made with us...and we probably guarded them too closely, and filled their heads with anxiety about the world because we had gone out there and SEEN things. But they had screens to babysit them, and their exposure to "out there" diminished.
I think it was Millennials and particularly some of the emo kids and when they were teens and young adults where I first began to hear stuff like use of the word, "adulting" or actual (technical) adults saying that they "need an adult" as a joke.
I think that illustrates what imposter syndrome is supposed to mean, more than someone who is faking great achievement or exhibiting stolen valor.
I agree. This is not a new idea, I don't remember where I first heard about it, but it was years ago. Before 2019 even, I'm pretty sure (I don't watch Big Bang Theory anyways, though that may have been where it took off, as per the post just upthread.)
No, it isn't when you are literally an imposter. It's when you FEEL like one even though you may not have concrete reasons for that.
And as someone who has experienced this, I did have people put me down when I was a kid, and any area in which I was successful, someone was standing there ready to tell me not to be proud of myself or to "toot my own horn" because nobody likes a know-it-all or nobody likes if you "think you're better." So eventually I did grow up and develop some social skills and outgrew my "ugly duckling" years and became, OK, not gorgeous, but not bad looking. And people started to treat me differently. I arrived in high school with a lot of anger and a determination to just not give a damn what anyone thought, and perversely a certain number of my peers saw that as "confidence" and were drawn to it.
I have had very cool people at times, treat me like some kind of a VIP and I've wondered what I'd done to deserve that. I became popular enough in one large social group for a while, that I have been asked for autographs. I do not see myself as particularly special, so I find it strange and surreal. I don't know what other people see in me. Inside there is still an ugly, shy and scared little girl child that no one likes; I cannot ever forget how that feels. So when I experience social success, or when good men have found me appealing despite all the reasons I can think of why I could instead be rejected by other people...I do feel a kind of quizzical surprise. Some part of me decides that I must have them fooled into thinking that I'm more interesting than I actually am.
As fleetiebelle mentioned...some of this could be related to some of the stuff going on with Gen X. We were the first generation in America to have parents who got divorced en masse, whose parents usually both worked, the first wave of latchkey kids... We were left to run feral. No one care where we were or what we were doing. Sometimes I frankly look back and wonder how much my parents even cared if I lived or died, compared to the concern I had for my own sons' wellbeing when they were kids.
It is a weird thing, I know that I and many other Gen X people kind of wildly vacillate between a kind of "I've got this" bad-assery, and "I have no idea why anyone thinks I know what I'm doing."
And I think that the generations coming up behind us, had opposite problems that may have led to even more of this. We raised them, determined not to make whatever mistakes we believed that our parents made with us...and we probably guarded them too closely, and filled their heads with anxiety about the world because we had gone out there and SEEN things. But they had screens to babysit them, and their exposure to "out there" diminished.
I think it was Millennials and particularly some of the emo kids and when they were teens and young adults where I first began to hear stuff like use of the word, "adulting" or actual (technical) adults saying that they "need an adult" as a joke.
I think that illustrates what imposter syndrome is supposed to mean, more than someone who is faking great achievement or exhibiting stolen valor.
I am GenX and my parents stayed married 53 years I was 41 when dad passed away ending their marriage the right way(death do you part), they were also super strict with me so I was not allowed to run feral but most of my friends were(once dad retired from the military when i was in my teens and I was around civilian kids), and my mother did not work outside the home until I was in my Tweens, I was genX but raised like a Boomer lol.
Thanks Sonic for explaining this syndrome, I think I understand it now....
BTW there were plenty of us Baby Boomers that had two working parents and lived a "latchkey" childhood. Maybe not so much of the other elements you described, however. We didn't have computers, social media, smart phones, video games, structured play dates, etc.
I understand these elements played a role in how successive generations developed socially and emotionally.
The original article was about Boomer women going through impostor syndrome while being high achieving women in college. I think my mom was one of these women- she even went to the college discussed in the article but was a bit older. She told me how in med school, she’d call home crying weekly. I think this happened a lot in certain fields dominated by predominantly white men until recently- people would ask if women and POC were more in the supporting roles.
Impostor syndrome seems specifically to do with trying to belong in a sort of group where you feel like you are unqualified. I think the new movie Strays attempts to discuss impostor syndrome from the perspective of a Black women trying to live in a predominantly Caucasian neighborhood teaching/headmistressing in what appears to be a more upper crust public school in the UK. There are other more grift-related shows/movies as well that seem to deal with this more in a modern situation- Chloe on Amazon, Ingrid Goes West, Surface on Apple+ in addition to the more blatant grift shows.
I really don’t think it has much to do with being an “ugly duckling” so much as mobility as it refers to making it into certain groups. I think with the advent of social media, there is more access than there used to be.
It seems to apply to people who objectively do belong, but who feel they don't for internal reasons like fearing they've hit an achievement wall or doubting that their achievements really mean what they appear to, or for external reasons like being a mold breaker. While anyone can be susceptible, more women are now heads of businesses or households, more people who are members of minority groups are in higher status roles, and there's some increase in men filling roles more traditionally filled by women. Our roles may be shifting faster than our beliefs.
So looking inward a person may think "I'm not who my track record indicates" or looking outward a person may think "I'm not who they think I should be". This seems relatable and not something to dismiss as excuse making.
The original article was about Boomer women going through impostor syndrome while being high achieving women in college. I think my mom was one of these women- she even went to the college discussed in the article but was a bit older. She told me how in med school, she’d call home crying weekly. I think this happened a lot in certain fields dominated by predominantly white men until recently- people would ask if women and POC were more in the supporting roles.
Impostor syndrome seems specifically to do with trying to belong in a sort of group where you feel like you are unqualified. I think the new movie Strays attempts to discuss impostor syndrome from the perspective of a Black women trying to live in a predominantly Caucasian neighborhood teaching/headmistressing in what appears to be a more upper crust public school in the UK. There are other more grift-related shows/movies as well that seem to deal with this more in a modern situation- Chloe on Amazon, Ingrid Goes West, Surface on Apple+ in addition to the more blatant grift shows.
I really don’t think it has much to do with being an “ugly duckling” so much as mobility as it refers to making it into certain groups. I think with the advent of social media, there is more access than there used to be.
I think it CAN be, and I don't really think it's tied to the "imposter" as a bad person (like again, necessarily grift or a con or stolen valor or any villainous behavior.)
It's more like, the world is giving you some kind of validation or responsibility, and because you feel insecure (likely because of past experiences and your programmed baggage connected to that) you have that moment where you question if you actually deserve whatever good thing has just happened.
A man who marries "out of his league" (in his own perception) is experiencing a hint of imposter syndrome. He does not feel truly secure in what he's got, and may struggle to truly believe and accept that this woman loves him, he might even - to whatever degree his attachment behavior and general psychology is or isn't healthy - do things that sabotage his relationship because deep down he doesn't believe that he deserves it.
The thing about it being a "syndrome" is a reference to it kinda being all in one's own head. Like not so much that you are actually in fact an imposter, but that you struggle to accept a situation you find yourself in, because you don't feel secure that you belong in it.
And probably one of the more common ways in which I hear this expressed by people I've known, is when adults (often people in their 20s and often parents) are reflecting on having all of the responsibilities of an adult and feeling uncertain about their ability to BE "adults" somehow. I think it's part of the experience of growing up, because as kids we had this illusion that our parents were capable people who knew what they were doing. How do you make a house payment? The kids haven't got a clue, but it is assumed that the parents magically know how to do these "adult" tasks. You become an adult and suddenly you can schedule doctors appointments and do PowerPoint presentations and you understand the stock market and what is escrow and you don't run around craving sugar and cartoons anymore. You lose your love of bright colors and start wearing khakis and button down shirts! We have this idea of adults as Very Serious People! And then said kid grows up into their 20s and has kids and it's scary, the little children depend on you for everything, and yet you do not fit your own mental image of what an "adult" is supposed to be and you're not even sure that you want to! You still like cartoons and Lucky Charms cereal and you think that hot pink hair looks cool maybe! You have no idea how credit scores and capital gains and hedge funds and other "adulty" things even work! Who trusted you with all of this responsibility all of a sudden and why would anyone do such a stupid thing???
And yet.
You get up every day, and you go to work. You manage to pay your bills and keep a roof over your head and insurance on the car. You change your baby's diapers and keep them clean and fed. In fact, you are perfectly capable of doing what is required, and in fact, you are doing fine. There's nothing to panic about. You are not hopelessly behind everyone else and you are not unqualified.
You're just dealing with a little imposter syndrome, that's all.
And as someone who has experienced this, I did have people put me down when I was a kid, and any area in which I was successful, someone was standing there ready to tell me not to be proud of myself or to "toot my own horn" because nobody likes a know-it-all or nobody likes if you "think you're better." .
This part really stood out to me. I don't know how many times I heard those exact words whenever I did something successful. Yet at the same time I noticed that whenever athletes were successful, those same people who told me "not to be proud" or "nobody likes a know-it-all" were first in line leading the cheering of "you're the greatest" for the guy who scored the touchdown or threw the pass or pitched a no hitter.
Funny how academic success was used against you, but athletic success was rejoiced.
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