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Old 04-21-2024, 05:02 PM
 
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What do you think?
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Old 04-21-2024, 05:25 PM
 
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Nope.

But shy people are not always lacking in confidence, sometimes they are just introverted.
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Old 04-21-2024, 05:47 PM
 
Location: Flovis
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No.
I pity some of them, actually. The overly energetic spazzy types can be cringey to me. You know the types I'm talking about. They're most commonly found at schools and other places of gathering. So much energy drained over what, trying to look cool? Ew.

Shyness goes up and down for most people, btw. They might be super shy during school age and just be a little shy as an adult. It isn't linear in any way.
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Old 04-21-2024, 07:00 PM
 
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No, why do you ask?
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Old 04-21-2024, 07:25 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
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No. Why do you think the do?
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Old 04-21-2024, 10:14 PM
bu2
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
Nope.

But shy people are not always lacking in confidence, sometimes they are just introverted.
And introverted people are thinking more about themselves and not others. So, no.
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Old 04-22-2024, 06:42 AM
 
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Dear Everyone on the planet: kindly cease conflating introversion with shyness, misanthropy, or self-involvement.
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Old 04-22-2024, 09:25 AM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
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Note that there is nothing in the title or OP of the words, "introvert" or "extrovert."

I think that sometimes that happens. But I've also seen really outgoing but insecure people put others on pedestals. So maybe it's two separate personality traits that can coexist but ultimately have nothing to do with one another?

My husband was always an introvert and shy and a little bit socially awkward. Sometimes he comes off as almost a bit autism-spectrum-ish but I'm not sure that's really where he's at and it would not be for me to say regardless. But he always felt like he was missing out on opportunities because he needed to "network"...so his thing was always to attach himself to someone who was super outgoing and socially connected, and then quietly observe and hang around. He is really good at providing the validation that a lot of these "outgoing" types enjoy (I say that as one of them!)

But ultimately he's always found that when he watches how they live for long enough, he does not envy them. They have issues that he would never want to deal with. From a best friend who had issues with women and alcohol and died too young, to a roommate who also had problems with drama and women and booze, to his observations of what I've had to put up with from my young adult kids (he never had kids) and various former partners and associates in my life who have caused me issues... He can ultimately perceive that these individuals don't truly have it so good.

What I struggle to understand is that he still seeks people to look up to who appear to be in positions of social power, and he continues to be disappointed to find that they are often deeply flawed individuals when you know them better than the surface. I mean, he is the one who taught me the "if you meet the Buddha on the road" saying, and I feel like it is a lessons he is still trying to figure out how to actually absorb.

As someone who has been socially at the bottom, and...well, not at the top exactly, but I'd say I'm socially successful now and come off as very confident... I know that those of us who appear to be confident and outgoing are often insecure on the inside. We are often masking whatever issues we've got...practically nobody is walking around with no issues at all. I'm not better than anybody. Nobody is better than me. Pedestals are for putting objects on, and people are not objects. Our imperfections are what makes us relatable and alive and human and interesting.
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Old 04-22-2024, 10:14 AM
 
Location: Shawnee-on-Delaware, PA
8,077 posts, read 7,436,873 times
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Yes. Shy people wish they could be confident, and ask girls out on dates or ace a job interview.

Short people wish they could be tall.

Stupid people wish they could be smart.

It's perfectly normal as long as you don't get obsessed by it or somehow "blame" people who have what you don't.
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Old 04-22-2024, 11:14 AM
 
Location: Sunnybrook Farm
4,542 posts, read 2,674,170 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nonchalance View Post
Dear Everyone on the planet: kindly cease conflating introversion with shyness, misanthropy, or self-involvement.
Hear, hear!

There are several things that get mixed up, especially by the dominant-paradigm extroverts who want EVERYONE to be like them and MANDATORY FUN FOR ALL!!!!!!

Introversion vs. extroversion has to do with how much interaction one needs with others and whether one finds this to be "energy-giving" or "energy-taking". Introversion is NOT a disorder.

Shyness has to do with the degree of stress one feels in unfamiliar situations - most specifically, situations of meeting new people. Shyness is NOT a disorder.

Performance anxiety is a disorder where public performance (which can take many forms) creates undue stress and anxiety (stage fright).

Social anxiety disorder is a disorder where one's phobia of social interactions adversely affects their life and causes undue stress and anxiety.

"Self-confidence" is a trait that can be present or absent to varying degrees, in introverts, extroverts, shy people, outgoing people, people with or without performance anxiety or social anxiety.

To take two examples:

I am a shy introvert who has NO performance anxiety, and a very large supply of self-confidence. I don't like to go to parties where I won't know anyone; too much interaction and I need to rest up; but I can make a speech or musical performance with no noticeable stage fright. I also have a high degree of confidence in my ability to do what I need to do in each situation (within reason; I cannnot fly a fighter jet off a carrier). I also have a couple phobias, most notably acrophobia (fear of heights).

My wife is a non-shy introvert with severe performance anxiety and moderate self-confidence. She has no problem going to a party where she knows no one, striking up and carrying on conversations, and coming away with a couple of contacts for coffee next week; but after several hours at a social gathering she wants to go home get in bed and read a book to rest up. Speaking in public is very unhappy for her. On the other hand, she does NOT share my phobia of heights.

Barbra Streisand, by all accounts, is a non-shy extrovert with EXTREME performance anxiety and a number of phobias.

The lesson is that you must take each person for their individual qualities.

The title of the thread is nonsensical - shy is not the opposite of confident. It's like asking "do skinny people put bald men on a pedestal?"
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