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I think there is a big difference between not liking kids and not wanting any of your own. I can understand not wanting kids, it is a big sacrifice but I don't think that is at all what the OP is talking about.
EVERYONE hates it when kids misbehave in public. At the same time, the most wellbehaved kid on the planet will misbehave sometimes and even the strictest parent will make mistakes or let things go for whatever reasons so it isn't fair to judge someone and their child for the two minutes that you might see them. If you are in a restaurant and a child at the table next to you is being disruptive and the parents are doing nothing about it then by all means say something.
Anyway, I think the OP is just talking about people who don't like kids in general. The ones who resent children lives being placed above adults (and I think that is because they are helpless). The ones who can't stand to be around even the well behaved children. I have lots of friends that don't want their own children but they are always very kind and interactive with other children and they don't mind going to places where there are children.
1. I'd rep you again but can't.
2. I agree with the bold part above. Of course ill-mannered children are annoying! I just don't believe that most kids are like this, and I usually give strangers the benefit of a doubt that they're doing the best they can.
3. Hahahaha ... at first I thought you said, "I have lots of friends that don't want to own children" (instead of "their own children"). Must be time for more coffee.
As is often the case if you think about it, it becomes far more complicated.
When people say "they love kids"? What do they mean? And are they being totally honest or just don't want to be judged and ostracized?
Most people who "love kids" (not all, I know there are exceptions)
don't want to adopt a potentially troubled or unhealthy kid from another country
don't want to adopt a potentially troubled or unhealthy kid from this country
don't want to adopt a non-baby no matter where from or how nice
don't want to foster
Only get involved in children's community activities when they have their own kids involved
don't love having all the neighborhood kids at their house
babysit for their grandkids but don't volunteer to help the struggling single mom down the street babysit her's no matter how cute or well-behaved
So.....how much do they "love kids"? Or does "loving kids" mean they love their own kids, and understand that love in terms of how everyone feels about their own? "We just all love (our own) kids"
I don't go to childrens events, schools etc. and see people hanging around helping "because ours are in college and we miss little kids so much"
So when someone says "I love kids" I subtext - they love their own kids and tend to tolerate everyone elses which to me is a totally different thing.
Seriously - once your kids are grown and gone - will you coach soccer? Volunteer to be a kindergarten school helper? Be a Big Brother or Big Sister? Foster a kid? Or will you be out playing golf and telling people how much you love kids?
I like most kids fine, but generally feel the "I love kids" thing as pressure to conform.
This I think has resulted in many many people blindly following their hard wired biology to procreate instead of using our touted human brain to think about what type of parents they will be and opting out if honest assessment concludes that they aren't really parent material or that having kids so they have friends isn't really a good enough reason.
I also tend to think that those who profess loudly that they love kids are really sort of trying to influence how others think of them 'I am this sort of positive loving Florence Nightengale' type person when the reality may be somewhat different. Its a bit of an exaggeration to say but not necessarily always untrue to say some people who do this a lot are bragging. "I am a nice person and if you are not also this way you are not a nice person"
I think this mostly applies to women. A man can be iffy about kids and say so honestly without too much controversy. A woman - forget it.
Honestly I don't know that many women who never had kids. Even the ones who say no I won't, will cave at the end (but they still usually only adopt when they can't have any of their own). Is it love? Or afraid of being ostracized from the greater human experience?
Why do some people hate children? Perhaps it’s because they are narcissistic who believe the world is about them. They believe every one should model their lives, think like them and not have children
Yeah, and I would add: misplaced narcissism.
When with my children (2 boys, one grown-up now) and my children's friends, in any given situation, I think of how I behaved as a child and it helps me a lot to understand them, because basically all children are a bit the same...
I wouldn't say that I dislike children, but I really don't like being around them at all. Of course, this isn't their fault. I put it down to the fact that I had a pretty bad childhood myself, I was teased, bullied and picked on a lot, so I tend to avoid places/situations where I am likely to come into contact with children and teenagers.
I know that not all children are noisy, but the noise generally makes me uncomfortable too.
Does that make me a bad person? I hope not....and of course, if a child were laying injured in the street, I would not hesitate for one second to help him/her.
BCreass, sounds like you don't like the children b/c they remind you of all the cruelties children are capable of. Also maybe the fact that you might feel helpless in watching it go on generation after generation. The only way you'd have any control is if those kids are your own where you'd have the power to discipline them. Unfortunately that is the way people are. The difference with children acting up versus adults acting up is children have more time and there is more hope of them turning the right direction later on in life. That and they just don't have the life experience to know any better. It actually irks me a whole lot more when i see a full grown adult acting in the most selfish ways or making cruel remarks because they really should know better--and there are plenty of those around.
BCreass, sounds like you don't like the children b/c they remind you of all the cruelties children are capable of. Also maybe the fact that you might feel helpless in watching it go on generation after generation. The only way you'd have any control is if those kids are your own where you'd have the power to discipline them. Unfortunately that is the way people are. The difference with children acting up versus adults acting up is children have more time and there is more hope of them turning the right direction later on in life. That and they just don't have the life experience to know any better. It actually irks me a whole lot more when i see a full grown adult acting in the most selfish ways or making cruel remarks because they really should know better--and there are plenty of those around.
Kids can be cruel, many of them grow up to become cruel adults, i.e. both can be cruel. The difference is that kids don't have the inhibitions that most adults do. However, adults can do/say the cruelest things too (this forum is a good example of that).
As for me, I just don't like being around children. It's not any form of hatred...I just feel insanely uncomfortable around them. I've even booked next Thursday off work because it's "take your kids to work day" or whatever it's called.
I have my good days and my bad days like everyone else.
I'm at my worst when I drive because I have horrible road rage.
I love dogs and tolerate most kids. I'm a cashier so I see a lot of babies. A lot of times I talk to them and smile at them...other times I am subjected to children throwing temper tantrums.
I mostly have a problem with bad parents, not necessarily children who behave badly.
To some people I'm a "female dog" and to other's I'm very sweet.
I've seen plenty of mothers talk in some pretty horrible ways to their children...so....we can't assume that those who don't like children are mainly those who don't have them.
I don't like children or dogs and I'm a very friendly and compassionate person. It's not like I go out of my way to make children cry or hit dogs with my car or anything. I can tolerate them. I just prefer to not have them around.
Quote:
Originally Posted by killer2021
I think when people say they dislike children they are saying they dislike the negative qualities of children such as caring for them or when they cry or cause tantrums. I would say most people like children that are well behaved.
I don't want to have kids of my own but I don't mind being around children that are well behaved. In fact, I love children but hate taking care of them. That is why children are not for me.
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