I love Seattle...but why are people so hard to get to know and contend with socially? (fit in, best city)

[quietrain]

It led to my departure to be frank...and I love Seattle...but wow, there was a powerful sense of liberal elitism......which made it feel like all were so career and status obsessed....and would shun you if you werent at their level. But what confused me was that Seattle was supposed to be holistic...tolerant...non-judgemental.....receptive...etc....is this not what being "liberal" involves? Such a great city with such a arduous and exasperating social ethos.....sad......in my opinion.

Are we just really status obsessed and career obsessed junkies, raising ourselves above our fellow Americans, and rendering ourselves God like? Are we as pompous as as overly self important as the rest of the world see's us as being? I found Seattle to be the best city in America...but one of the most pompous and most difficult, socially speaking...imo.

[CarawayDJ]

You have some pretty bad luck with places. I think I saw you on the NH forum (my native state) not liking the people there either. There is a place for everyone, you just gotta find it.

[quietrain]

Does not New England have a rep for being snobby and hard socially....does not Seattle have a Seattle Freeze thread that ran for years here on City-Data until they closed the thread down. You are a busy body....good for you...lots of that here on city data....imo.....I am a very truthful guy...and rural NH where i have a family member in..... has always been well know for being hard socially.....new england in general has that reputation.......and guess what....Seattle was settled by new englanders...and states in the USA that tend to have larger Scandavavian populations like Maine...NH....VT...North and South Dakota...WA state...etc...do tend to be rather standoffish...and maybe I happen to think that sort of behavior sucks...hence my desire to bring it to the attention of others....imo...it they care about it enough. If you really think Boston and NH and CT are friendly places....along with Seattle...I would find that most interesting.....imo. Not saying individually, ...but collectively speaking.

[flyingsaucermom]

I just hear a bunch of generalizations and nothing concrete. Give examples, otherwise I'm just likely to assume that you are just a moody person. It bugs me that people come on here all the time to post about this terrible "Seattle Freeze" thing, but most of whom don't actually live here or seemingly don't/didn't make the effort to get out there and find their Seattle tribe (for the record, I'm still trying to find mine, but I'm not complaining about it.. in fact I'm going to hear Joel Salatin talk in Queen Anne this weekend and surround myself with a bunch of slow foodies and the like, maybe I'll get lucky???).

Look, I know what you are talking about to a certain extent. I have a neighbor, ex-Microsoft lady and she's truly terrible... I call her the "one-up woman". She's everthing you are talking about except she's NOT liberal by any means of the imagination. I do everything I can to avoid her, which is hard given I have to see her twice a day at the kids' bus stop. I cannot say anything without her trying to get a one-up on me. When I told her I enjoy yoga, she gave me a lecture about proper alignment as prescribed by her personal trainer. When I was happy that my kid finished his reading assignment, she tells me her kid won the reading award for all of kindergarten. When she saw me at the resale store (I was buying, she was selling) she later made it clearly known that she does NOT purchase used clothing for her kids but she's very appreciative that the business donates unwanted/unsold items and that's why she takes her clothing there.... she's a good Christian lady. I won't get into the multitude of one-sided discussions about North Face, William Sonoma or ski equipment despite it being pretty obvious that I cannot comfortably afford either of those brands, much less, skiing.

This city has impressive wealth in many regards, and it could be quite true that people like her are more the norm than not, but that doesn't mean that "normal" people don't exist. I've been giving this a lot of thought lately and I've come to the realization that the people that inspire me the most, the people I need to seek out, are those making a difference in their community or for a greater cause. There is no use being a liberal elite (which I guess I'd qualify as) unless one actually practices all those good liberal values (hence listening to Joel talk about his sustainable farm) . So that's my advice for you (and myself) regarding the Seattle Freeze thing. Don't spend any more time thinking about these maddening people. Too much bad karma, juju, time and metabolism wasted. Invest in inspiration instead.

[quietrain]

Urban Dictionary: Seattle Freeze



And what was with so many attractive women on the same dating sites for years? What were they waiting on..I would ask myself? Jesus himself to come court them?? lol.....Seattle ...great city...but sucked socially..one of the worst in the USA...socially speaking....in my view and opinion..yet despite all that...still the best city in America

[qhoc]

Seattle is a close knit community. People who stay here tend to like it here and build their family for generation. So many people already know each other. Their kids also tend to share somewhat of a history. They are not hard to get to know, but they are somewhat too protected. It's hard to explain. But once you blend into a small group, you can grow out and reach other groups a lot faster than, let say, Bay Area.

[EclecticEars]

Originally Posted by qhoc

Seattle is a close knit community. People who stay here tend to like it here and build their family for generation. So many people already know each other. Their kids also tend to share somewhat of a history. They are not hard to get to know, but they are somewhat too protected. It's hard to explain. But once you blend into a small group, you can grow out and reach other groups a lot faster than, let say, Bay Area.

The bold reminds me somewhat of Midwestern cities I've lived in before, namely Louisville and Cincinnati.

The underlined is certainly true regarding what you say about the Bay Area. In fact, I'm moving to the Los Angeles area this fall in part to leave the difficult social climate of the Bay Area--which is admittedly an otherwise gorgeous area with a great quality of life. Oh, and if you really want to see liberal sanctimoniousness, then come to the Bay Area!

[kanhawk]

Originally Posted by quietrain

But what confused me was that Seattle was supposed to be holistic...tolerant...non-judgemental.....receptive...etc....is this not what being "liberal" involves?

Wow, have you got a lot to learn.

[victorianpunk]

As I say to anyone who complains about Seattle people being "cliquish": how many Seattle people are actually in Seattle? We are one of the most transient cities in America with people moving from all over all the time. Compare that to New England where most of the people there were born and raised there. I have met two transplants for every native born Washingtonian since I got here.

And the only career centric people I've met are maybe Microsoft and banking people. This is really not much of a "just make the money" city and more people move here just to move here than to "hit it big"...for that, you'd better try NYC. People judge friendships based on how many "0s" are in your bank account and people go out just to be seen and not to have fun.

I mean, what other large city in America has a large population who moved here just for the back packing?

And what does "liberal" have to do with anything? Yes Seattle is liberal...BIG DEAL! Try South Carolina, where Bible-thumping is the favorite state past time and everyone is in everybody's business all the time.

[CarawayDJ]

Originally Posted by quietrain

Does not New England have a rep for being snobby and hard socially....does not Seattle have a Seattle Freeze thread that ran for years here on City-Data until they closed the thread down. You are a busy body....good for you...lots of that here on city data....imo.....I am a very truthful guy...and rural NH where i have a family member in..... has always been well know for being hard socially.....new england in general has that reputation.......and guess what....Seattle was settled by new englanders...and states in the USA that tend to have larger Scandavavian populations like Maine...NH....VT...North and South Dakota...WA state...etc...do tend to be rather standoffish...and maybe I happen to think that sort of behavior sucks...hence my desire to bring it to the attention of others....imo...it they care about it enough. If you really think Boston and NH and CT are friendly places....along with Seattle...I would find that most interesting.....imo. Not saying individually, ...but collectively speaking.

1. I'm a busy body? I hang out in the NH forums from time to time. I was recently considering just moving back home instead of Seattle. I thought you sounded familiar. I made a very benign comment/observation. Not sure how you meant "busy body."

2. I did not say Boston, NH, and CT are friendly places in that post. I merely stated that you've had some bad luck, and gotta find your place.

I can't say much about Seattle until I move there myself, but what experience I do have there reminds me of central Europe. I think places have a collective personality, and much like with people, it doesn't always agree with you. One person might have lots of friends and fit in well and another can't strike a conversation for the life of him. In another place it might be reversed.

I personally find it easy to make friends in New England. The only snobby parts are the "old money" towns. But people are a little different there than they are in the SE, or midwest. I can easily see how someone coming from outside the area would have problems.

I verified on a recent visit that Seattle has maternity wards. Perhaps my understanding of the birds and the bees is wrong.