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I have really reached the end of the line with my current job which I've been in for nearly 6 years and simply cannot do it any longer and it is largely due to this new boss who took over last year. He is, in short, a total nightmare.
Constantly picking up minor faults whether it's one small typo in an email to pointing out one thing I didn't manage to do despite having done everything else perfectly. He's the kind of person where he will find something, anything to criticise you about. Being a perfectionist, obsessive, impatient and complete workaholic, he doesn't tolerate mistakes like getting a date wrong on the rare occasion or mis spelling someone's name wrong once and effectively shames you (albeit passively aggressively) when you do make one, yet he makes the same mistakes himself!
For example, something that happened recently - I woke up before 6am to attend one of our events, got there on time, set up as normal. I wasn't around to do one thing which was clear the table of some papers in time for lunch (as I was out talking about work stuff to a delegate and then went to the bathroom afterwards), but I had told the venue that I would do it at a certain time. They decided to clear them up earlier than expected. Anyway, he saw that I wasn't there at that exact time and got annoyed. I was out of the room for a total of 5 mins from a 3/4 hour meeting. I feel ridiculous even typing this up but you see how trivial this is. This is despite the fact that event in question went really well overall but he wasn't happy with me because of this one mistake. This despite him knowing I have always been on time for every event, I have never missed a single event, set up perfectly, talk to the attendees and make an effort in general. The way he catastrophises the situation and makes it out like it's a systemic problem when he know it isn't. There's literally zero constructive criticism, but instead blowing things out of proportion with unfair digs and attacks.
What's more, is that another colleague of mine just left the company as she was getting stressed out, my other colleague is still here cannot tolerate him either and is thinking of moving on and my old boss who he took over from, really does not like him either and avoids him at all costs. So clearly it is not just me that is having an issue with him.
Anyway, without going on, I think so many other instances over the last year or so, this is starting to really impact my well being. I turned 40 just the other week and I have no idea what to do. All I know is that I am desperate to leave this job and move on from him and never have to deal with him again. Every day spent with him is so draining, I feel exhausted even when's he just in the office and not speaking. But when he gets triggered over the occasional minor mistake, there's only so much one can take. I thought by now after almost a year in the position, he would ease up but far from it, this is his inherent personality and he will never change. Furthermore, asides from this guy I do need to move on anyway, this is a dead end job and has very much become an admin dominated role. I can't even directly email certain people, unless I draft the email to him first for his approval so yes, to add to all the above, he's a control freak and a micro manager.
But here's the issue and perhaps this is worthy of another thread - I feel completely lost and an in panic over my future. This particular job is not really a career, and I've never really had one if I'm honest. I was out of work in my 20s quite a lot due to anxiety and stuck in a rut but throughout my 30s I've been employed almost the entire time. I knew never though throughout my early life what I wanted to do with myself in terms of a career and so on. I did go to uni/college and majored in a humanities degree but I just did a series of casual jobs. I guess now, at the age of 40 I'm paying for it for not having that career. Is it too late to start over, I mean maybe but again haven't got a clue what I'd even do.
I've saved up a little bit, I bought my own property, and this job has provided me a good income and some nice trips overseas, all of which I am grateful for. So this is really the only reason I don't want to leave - the income and uncertainty of what's next if I quit. With a mortgage I can't go too long without working and at this age anyway, I can't not work for too long. I have no wife, no children, infact far from it, haven't had a partner for many years and it's looking like I could easily end up alone with no significant career behind me to support a family. So where does that leave me? I'm really not in a good place right now. I've started to apply for some jobs but again they're just random, similar jobs to what I'm doing now, not really career focused. At this point I think anything would be good to just get away from him.
Sorry for the real vent here and appreciate you reading through this if you got to the end.
I became an RN at 37 after 4 years of school. I have been doing it for many years how. Perhaps focus on what you would like to do? What you instinctively like.
Sounds like this boss/job is sucking the life out of you. I've been extremely fortunate to never have an a-hole boss like that.
If you want to stay in your industry, I'd start networking a lot. Are there any other jobs in the company with a different boss that you could apply for? Do you have any contacts with competitors?
You could also start a side hustle and see if you can build that up to a full time job.
You might have skills that are transferable to a related field. You can make a list of all of your marketable skills. Talking to a placement agency that can give you more ideas.
If you do leave the company, I'd talk to your boss' boss and let him/her know why you are leaving and why others have left. Document everything in writing so it doesn't sound like you are just complaining.
Look for a new job. Get hired. Quit the old job. Age is immaterial, and 40 is young anyway. I changed careers at 53. Had a lovely boss for 6 years, now I have the boss from hell. Five people left in her first 2 years as our boss. I'm close to retirement so I'm suffering through it.
Actively looking will perk you up enough to get through the hell, until you can get out.
You have a couple of choices. Find another job - you probably have more value out in the market then you realize. Or stick it out and wait for this horror of a boss to do himself in because eventually he WILL do himself in. People like him who are universally disliked have a shelf life of possibly three years. I've stuck it out with four horrible bosses and outlasted all of them. The longest one lasted just shy of three years. I always displayed a willing, positive and helpful attitude, never turned down any projects, never bad mouthed the boss to anyone, and always kept in mind that the boss was crazy. You cannot reason with crazy. One actually had a mental breakdown because she was a control freak and after a while couldn't find anything about me to criticize. Just keep affirming that it's the boss and not you.
This sounds like a rant to me.
The example about clearing a table was an assigned task you did not do. You send out emails with typos. Yes, it is embarrassing when a manager receives a comment about typos so he wants to see what is going to certain recipients. He may also read for content. Your thread about getting a drivers license mentions issues with focus and concentration. Have you sat down with your manager and discussed the situation from your viewpoint in a 1:1 conversation?
What others do or did is their business. What keeps you from proactively looking for a new job?
A sucky job is better than being financially up against the wall.
Not if it's destroying him emotionally. I hope the OP can find something more suitable and then just stop going to the sucky job. I'd be tempted to just not show up one day and email the boss my resignation, complete with a few annoying little typos for added effect. But that's just me.
Your story is similar to mine except that the new boss isn't a mean person, the boss is likable. But this boss is also inept and has grossly mismanaged things to the point where all my work is more difficult because it's more labor intensive and takes longer. At the same time the fundamental lack of leadership is making the bottom line even worse due to problems the boss caused for customers based on well meaning, but poorly thought out or implemented decisions. And just like at your workplace, we've had long-time staff leave and turnover has started with the replacements. I too am in the process of leaving.
I gave things a deadline. I knew things were bad under the new boss. But I figured I would give time to adjust and give the boss time to get their footing before doing anything rash. I said if things aren't better by August 1, I would leave by the time my current projects are over at the beginning of November. I picked that date because certain reports were due then and I planned to base my departure on numbers and facts. Not only were things not better by August 1, they were much worse. I started applying for new jobs early this month.
Looking for a new job has rekindled my spirits and my hope. I didn't realize how stressful and depressing everything was until that weight of having to stay was lifted from me. Look for another job OP. Forty isn't that old at all! Good luck!
Start applying elsewhere. Don't quit until you have another one lined up.
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