Memoir dilemma

[harry chickpea]

Originally Posted by Mimidae

Jill, I haven't read any replies so I'm not necessarily disparaging the advice you're receiving here, but I would caution you against taking advice from fellow writers.

If you were to ask this in a group of editors, or people who get paid to handle memoirs, the advice you'd get would be to talk to a literary lawyer if you think this may be distributed beyond your own family. Memoirs can be a legal minefield. The fact that it's an infamous crime may actually make it safer, but I wouldn't take advice from anyone but a lawyer. You may be able to get your questions answered in an hour that will cost you $350 or so, but it will have been worth it to find out ahead of time. Good luck! It sounds like an interesting memoir.

As someone who takes the time to read replies, and learns from them on a regular basis, I would suggest that you do so as well. You might not see it as such, but your lead-in is highly offensive to people who might have differing opinions from yours. It comes across as supercilious, and trite. "I haven't read the Constitution of the United States, but my opinion of it and the legal arguments is..."
"I haven't read..." is often an admission of ignorance.

[Jill_Schramm]

Originally Posted by yakker

I would suggest that you write it for yourself first, and then decide if it merits sharing. After you've done that, have a trusted friend read it, not necessarily another writer, but merely to get an outside non-professional perspective. Writers tend to parse words and vocabulary, rather than absorbing the intent of the writer.

I started a novel of my own traumatic experiences and changed the names to protect the guilty. After 50,000 words I put it on the shelf in order to digest my reasons for writing it in the first place. I've never returned to it after failing to see a positive reason to continue.

Now I take a different tack. I write fiction to influence others to do the right thing when they come to a crossroads, and to celebrate the strength of women, who start out with a deficit that can be challenging to overcome. I do this for all the women in my life. I write non-fiction when I've discovered something that others may not have noticed.

Don't own the bad acts of others, or let them ruin your life due to their own psychopathy. Don't lower yourself to their level, but go ahead and write it. The results can be cathartic and healing.

Thanks!

I have decided to write everything out as a memoir (mainly for myself), then fictionalize it lightly, finding a way to make the crime believable. It’s not just the other victims I’m concerned about. It is also my family. My (narcissist) mother has been really stressed out about the memoir and, the first time in my life, I truly feel sorry for her.

[OldSchoolEverything]

Originally Posted by Jill_Schramm

The problem: If I am completely honest in the telling and include characters other than myself (which I will obviously have to do), then I might well risk some kind of lawsuit or at least intense criticism from the people represented. But, I don’t see how I can fictionalize it, since the recounting of the crime would lack all verisimilitude. No way that could have happened/life stranger than fiction.

I know someone in an identical situation. You *can* be sued for libel even if you change names. The person I know in this situation plans to mass-email her story using real names and documentation after her death. There are services that will send a final email post mortem If you’re not old or near death, however, a SLAPP suit might be filed on you that an unfriendly judge would make you pay dearly for.

I know how much this fact of American jurisprudence hurts. I know it does hurt not to have free speech. Look up “New York Times Co. v. Sullivan.”

Good luck.