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The rules allowed it so anyone that had a problem with the rules should have taken it up with the HOA, not the girls.
Agree, when you are actually part of what happened and know the territory, it makes a difference.
I could have guessed that is what he would have said. Vietnamese? For some that will be negative. In basic training, we had a girl from Hawaii and she was Japanese, keep in mind that we were at the age where our fathers fought in WWII. She had the worst time and some of the girls just outright told her what they thought of the Japanese. She had a hard time getting any help. I was astounded as my dad was in WWII but he taught us to never treat anyone the way I saw her treated.
Even white children who are adopted are profiled simply for being adopted in the first place, we have a son that is adopted and white. Racism is thriving in the US but usually in a passive-aggressive mode because racists have no backbone and that is why they feel threatened by other races. Not secure in their own skin.
Are you a person of color? Have children of color that were adopted? Where do you draw your ability to think the children should have a thick skin because some adults have hate in the hearts?
Yes, it is important to note that many giving opinions here have probably ever seen what discrimination looks like.
Well, we would have to at least give the hotel more credit than the man would get since, lets face it, when confronted, most people with prejudices pull their heads in their shells and use some other excuse. When confronted it is always a "misunderstanding". I have seen SO many cruel things in my life when it comes to racial prejudice, you just have no idea and when it involves children................ I do wonder what is wrong with those people mentally, morally and/or spiritually that make them that way.
Look, maybe the guy shouldn't have kicked them out. Maybe he would have done the same to two lily white girls who looked the same age, though. Where I just moved from, 13-year-olds would not be allowed to swim in a community pool alone, though, as the cutoff age was almost always 14. There is absolutely no evidence that this was racial.
Yes, I'm white. My husband is Asian (likely much darker than the OPs girls) and doesn't assume every negative thing that is said to him is for a racial reason.
(I would also suggest telling your children to not tell strangers where they live. They could have simply said they lived in the community. If they didn't explicitly say where, then this isn't necessary, but that's how I read the OP.)
I wouldn't assume in this case, that there was racial prejudice. My son who is white was harassed while driving in his own neighborhood by a man who accused him of not belonging there. He had honked his car horn at the guy for blocking traffic prior to this, apparently annoying him. My son owns his home in the neighborhood and was a new resident. Hey, looking younger sure will be nice for them later in life. My daughter (asian) is very happy about it now that she is older.
Racial prejudice has occurred with our Korean daughter several times. I will be honest - especially in the south. She is very dark and her hair is not as stick straight as some Koreans. Her eyes are double lidded. My father in law who was in the Korean Conflict, thinks she could have African or European ancestry.
Anyway, sometimes bigotry is subtle - but it's there. In NY she was in 7th grade Honors math. We got a frantic call from the teacher who did not like her first test score - a 90! We fought to keep her in honors math and won. However, we lived in a district where there were many Asians who were son's and daughters of STEM professors at a local research university. They were gifted in math. Our daughter is well above average - but Math is not her favorite subject. She excels in other fields. The grade cut off to remain in honors math was an 85. Would this woman have jumped the gun if it were out blond haired green eyed son?
Even "positive" stereotypes,such as all "all Asians are mathematical geniuses", are damaging - but they do exist.
OP, you must be very careful not to automatically see slights as racially based and you do your daughters no favor by teaching them that a slight or hardship is a racial insult. Everybody is subjected to slights, insults, job discrimination of some sort or another, social discrimination, and most of it is not racially based.
All you'll do is make your daughters unhappy if you teach them to become indignant whenever they feel insulted. It will hurt them socially and in the job market. Teach them instead to shake it off when they are insulted and to understand that it is not them, that the rude person is socially awkward and to be happy that they know how to behave better and can be more tolerant.
We do not see "automatic slights". Both NK and I have daughter's adopted from Asia. We also have biological white children to compare this to. As a WASP woman, I have been the recipient of white privilege all of my life. In my few interactions with police - a cracked wind shield and speeding when I was late to work, I was not only given the benefit of the doubt, but I was treated with "kid gloves". I was given a card for a windshield replacement place and told to say "Officer Smith sent you - for a discount. The speeding incident culminated with a warning - and a request for a date. I was not dragged from my car and arrested.
These things happened when I was 18-21. I just thought the were normal.
No one ever questioned my presence at my parents country club. With or without them. Just another blond girl with a gaggle of friends sunning our selves.
I am not at all hyper vigilant -ore sensitive. But I do not white wash the facts.
As a white person, I now see that everyone is not treated the same in our country. Not only in current events - I see it in my family. We choose our battles.
This summer we joined the local country club, mainly for the use of the pool, tennis and dining facilities. The first time my daughter went there alone, she took two friends - a pretty white girl and a pretty black girl - the salutatorian and valedictorian respectively. (my daughter was 5th in her graduating class, blowing a hole in that Asian myth) When the waiter came to them at the poolside to ask if they wanted lunch delivered, he asked the white girl, Kara "What will you and your friends have?" They all laughed and Kara ordered for him. When it came time to sign for the lunch - he automatically handed it to Kara. Finally, my daughter spoke up and said "I am the member and these are my guests". The guy apologized and they all laughed.
He just mentioned that he did not know of any Asian members and the black members had very young children.
We all thought that was funny. No great harm nor foul.
Now if we were to have freaked out over this, it would have been different.
When adopting transratially - a sense of humor and resiliency are necessary. However, do not think that you will be free of negative situations that are racially based - you will.
Some thoughts if you do decide to adopt outside of your own race. - live in a multi cultural area. We always have. Our current city in 60 white 35-40 back with a large Vietnamese and East Indian population. We are originally from NY. And we lived for two years in a part of PA that was less than receptive.
Yes, there are lovely people in the South - however I would not live there with a child of color.
Where would I live? The west coast, the North East or the Northern mid west. Surprisingly I know of many people who live happily in urban and suburban areas of Texas with out incident.
It could have to do with the fact that Texas is a minority majority state. they are also home to many well known adoption agencies.
At any rate, please do not lecture us about being "thin skinned" or constitutes racism. We have read about it. In my case, taken a mandatory class.
But more than all of that - we've been there. Oh, and we are mothers. We have this little thing called intuition - and we know the difference between an honest mistake and racism when it happens to one of our own.
One came out and asked them if they lived in the neighborhood. They answered yes and told him where and said they were swimming till their parents could join them.
The man told them to leave.
His next question should have been: "How old are you?"
I'm thinking it wasn't racial as much as this being a guy (since he took it upon himself to leave the meeting and approach the girls) who was on a bit of a power trip. He didn't ask them the next logical question. Hopefully he, and everyone else connected to pool/HOA management, has since been told to do that.
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